Bring Me The Finest Puns Known to Humanity

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Does anyone else have this problem? So, you have a bunch of different "special interests," with lots of specialised vocabulary associated with them. Every once in a while, you come up with a pun that you think is hilarious. Then, sadly, you realise that only 6 other people in the world have the right combination of interests to "get" it. The pun dies unshared.

But no longer! Please post your finest obscure puns here, with as much or as little explanation as you wish! Explaining the joke totally allowed.

(I hope someday to meet an entomologist who is also a fan of Phillip K Dick, so I can tell them the one about "The Three Tagmata of Palmer Eldritch." See, the major body divisions of an insect are called its "tagmata", and there's a book called "The Three Stigmata of...." you get the picture.)

OMG this could tagmata new heights of pun-related ecstasy....

The word "stigmata" actually has a meaning. It means "having wounds open up on your body that mimic the wounds suffered by Christ when he was nailed to the cross".

So...if you don't mind being sacreligous I suppose that you could concoct some kind of pun that combines that with bug anatomy. "The bug had stigmata all over its tagmata". Though one nail wound would pretty much destroy a bug.

If you're gonna indulge in puns then you should find a geologist, instead of entomologist.

A geologist wouldn't fault you for being into this kind of fracking schist!

A drunk staggers into a mortuary.  He finds a seat and shouts, "What's a man gotta do to get some service in this place?!"

A dignified gentleman wearing a suit steps into the room.  "Sir, I would thank you to lower your voice."

The drunk replies, "Just give me a G██-d█████ whiskey!"

"Sir, this is a mortuary, not a bar, and we don't serve whiskey, 'G██-d█████' or otherwise."

"A mortuary, you say?  You mean, with coffins and bodies and stuff?"

The gentleman solemnly nods in affirmation.

"In that case," says the drunk, "Just gimme a bier."

My wife said she was cold, so I told her to go sit in the corner because it was ninety degrees!

Highlight the underlined portion to see it.

I am not addicted to brake fluid; I can stop anytime!

A geologist discussing the planets with his date ponders "Is there schist on Uranus".

Saturn's ring system was created by the death of a moon. It's certainly a glowing orbituary....

A spin on an old joke:

Q: What do you call the 16th century French diplomat Gilles de Noailles after he's been magically turned into a deer?
A: Noailles deer.

(I only know it's pronounced "No-eye" 'cos he turns up in a Doctor Who audio drama. Not sure if that makes the pun more nerdy or less.)

On dry-humor that's like magic: When dry-humor holds water, makes a big splash, and avoids coming-out........all wet!!