The Long Wait!

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Actually a day seems a long wait when one is keen to know the answer to the question "Am I on the spectrum".
But obviously these things take time, but the wait can seem a long time when waiting to be assessed, but seem a short time for those looking back on having had their assessment.
Waiting holds many questions. Am I autistic? What about this or that? Questions... Questions...! !

Sometimes I am in denial and I think "I can't be on the spectrum". Other times I am half accepting and think "Maybe I am on the spectrum?" I still don't know, though I half think I know... But how can I be sure? Patience... Patience...! !!

But the wait is long regardless how long it actually is (Haha. The mental torture of not knowing and guessing! Haha!). But I also have concerns in regards to "Will I get to be assessed?" The future is uncertain. No one knows if things will stay the same. But somehow waiting brings hope. If I knew that I won't be assessed, the thought of this brings depression and despare.
But... I am slightly concerned about the assessment itself. Will I mentally (Intentionally or not) sway the results one way or the other?. Will I find the assessment childlike where I may get frustrated about the simplicity of it. Will I find it too complex and hard? What happens if I can't cope with the stress and I get a shutdown? Even a partial shutdown where I am not really mentally as sharp as I normally am? Will I be seen as being thick whenI am not? Will I be seen as being too intelligent?
Questions... Questions!
Uhmmm.... I think I need to divert my mind onto something else.

But... I sometimes feel like I should cancel the assessment to save myself from the stress and anxiety of being on a waiting list. When I have no future appointments I relax better, but when I have an appointment for anything, my background stress levels go up a notch. The more future appointments and things I have on my mind, the more notches this goes up! It can reach a level when I will cancel things to bring the background stress down. (I have been known to cancel appointments in the past to aleviate myself from this background stress, even though I have been in pain (E.g. a dentists appointment), because the pain can be less of an issue then the background stress of a looming appointment, especially when I don't have a specific date to psyche myself up for in a mental way. The not knowing is a kind of mental torture on a mild scale. But to aleviate the torture I can be a bit of a pain in that I can easily bother those who are arranging things... So I usually do the opposite and not contact and try not to say a thing... But then I think "Oh no! I have not heard anything! Am I still on their list? Have I been forgotton about? (This has happened to me several times in the past where I have been waiting for years and when I finally get back in touch no one knows anything about it!)).

Uhmmm. Patience, Patience!

My memory of the assesment was that it was pleasant if a bit wierd. The various exercises were simple enough to do, but as I didn't know exactly what they were looking for, I'm pretty confident I didn't bias it one way or the other. I'm still digesting the result, it has to be said. In the long run, I think it was better to know for sure, though. However it turns out for you, good luck!

Thanks.

Will be so glad when the wait is over for you!

Thanks.

In some ways it is important. In other ways less so. My dentist is wanting me to be assessed because then if I am on the spectrum she can alter things from her side as there are differences somehow?

Commiserating (and this is a much lesser thing): I've been waiting for a (free) security deposit box at my bank for a couple years. I started as 3rd on the list. Last time I checked I was next on the list. It's about time to ask again. I agree: stress inducing. Deep breath in, deep breath out. The wait will be worth it (for both of us).

What does a security deposit box do?

I will get a drawer in the bank's safe. I'll put our passports in there, etc.

Warning: take a deep breath and "play" with me, but possible anxiety trigger. I have General Anxiety (GA), and my ASD coach has me doing visualization which is helpful to manage my anxiety. It's the uncertainty I think that drives me nuts and what am I supposed to "do" (over responsibility). So I imagine it's "routine", no big deal. I imagine it's going the well. (If I find out differently I'd deal with it then, not now). For you, I could imagine your name going up one on that digital list every week, other folks before you going in -meeting their fate- and your name going up, then one day you go in: excited, nervous: goodness.