Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Funny, Sadistic, Stupid Jokes

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I can't be the only one who is entertained by really DUMB jokes. For example:

"Wanna hear a knock knock joke? OK, you start."

Today my dad said to me, "So a plane crashed on the US/Canada border-"
Me: "The survivors aren't buried."

And of course we all know the verbal joke which has many variations:

"Spell "stork."
"S-T-O-R-K."
"Spell "work."
"W-O-R-K."
"Spell "cork."
"C-O-R-K."
"Spell "pork."
"P-O-R-K."
"Quick, what do you eat your cereal with???"

Two of similar calibre to one another, one slightly "smarter" but the other more annoying (and therefore an equal consideration):

"Ask me the secret to my comideic success."
"What's the secret to your com-"
"Timing."

"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"The interrupting cow."
"The interrupting cow wh-"
"MOOOO!"
"Very f-"
"MOOOO!"
"I get i-"
"MOOOO!"
"OK, that's get-"
"MOOOO!"
"Seriously, that's get-"
"MOOOO!"
"SHUT U-"
"MOOOO!"
"Go to-"
"MOOOO!"
"You're being a-"
"MOOOO!"

----

So what jokes do you know that are fantastically dumb in a delightfully but innocently mean fashion, but still crack you up?

My mum thought this was funny and so did i when i was 5.


me " I saw a peice of dog poop on the path and I one'd it"

friend has to say "I two'd it

me "I three'd it"

friend "I four'd it"

me "I five'd it"

friend "I six'd it"

me "I seven'd it"

friend "I eight it"


hahahaha silly but funny

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were out on a picknick. What had did they each use to eat their soup?

They didn't use their hands, they used a spoon!

((Yeah, yeah, another "spoon" joke.))

No other takers?

Me: How do you fit an elephant into a safeway bag?
You: I don't know. How DO you fit an elephant into a safeway bag?
Me: You take the 'E' out of 'Safe' and the 'F' out of 'Way'
You: Hmmm....thinks about it....

(Scroll down for punchline if you haven't figured it out yet)









You: But there's no 'F' in 'Way'! !! !! !
It's fun to watch people try to figure this out, and see if they'll come up with the punchline themselves.

Why was six afaid of seven?


Coz' 789

How many gorillias does it take to screw in a light bulb?



2, but I cant figure out how they got in there

Here's another one.

"Pronounce the number between one and three."
TWO
"Pronounce the opposite of 'from'."
TO
"Pronounce the word that is a synonym for 'also'."
TOO
"Pronounce the name of the second day of the week."
TYOOSDAY
"That's strange, I always pronounce it 'Monday'."

Why is bio gas a bad idea?

Because Madagascar.

Say I and spell cup

I C U P

I'm sure everyone's heard this one. A panda walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. After finishing he shoots the waiter. Before the panda walks out the manager demands an answer for why the waiter got shot. The panda replies by asking the manager to look up panda in the dictionary. As the manager reads it, he discovers the definition to clarify, "Eats shoots and leaves."

Here's another from the classic British sci-fi/comedy series Red Dwarf, when Rimmer and Lister are talking about computers having emotions:

Lister: "One time my mate Peterson bought some robotic shoes. Smart Shoes, they were called. It was actually genius; no matter how blind drunk you were, they could always get you home. But that all changed when he had a night in Oslow, and woke up the next morning in Burma. You see the shoes got bored of walking between the bar and his flat; they wanted to see the world, you know. Had a hell of a time getting rid of them. No matter who we sold them to, they'd show up again the next day. Last time we've heard from them they broke into a car and drove into a canal. They couldn't steer, you see. Peterson was really blown away about the whole thing. So he went to see a Priest, and the priest said that it was all right and that the shoes had gone to heaven. Because you see, it turns out shoes have soles."

Sadistic jokes? You like jokes about people getting badly hurt or abused and stuff?

I once read a joke that involved an unusual form of child abuse. A man is out for his morning walk and as he passes by a house he sees a mother in the window whack her son over the head with a loaf of French bread. He's shocked by this but decides it's none of his business and keeps walking. But every morning as he passes by the house he sees the same thing happen. This goes on for almost a year and then one morning instead of French bread the man sees the mother slamming a chocolate cake over her son's head. Finally he decides to do something about it. He walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. The mother answers and is like. "What do you want?"
The man tells her he's just seen her dump a cake over her little boy's head and wants to know why on earth she'd do such a thing.
The mother replies, "Because today's his birthday, that's why!"

Or do you mean jokes where it's like a prank that you might play on someone who's either a little kid or not very bright? My brother used to do this to me quite a bit. For instance:

"I bet you can't spell I Cup"
"I-C-U-P"...

"Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out, who was left?"
"Repeat."
"Pete and Repeat were in a boat..."

I actually once played a joke like this on a kid:
"If frozen tea is called iced tea, and frozen water is called iced water, then what's frozen ink called?"
"Iced ink."
"Oh you stink, do you? I thought so!"