Funny, corny joke thread

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collectoritis
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11 Apr 2022, 1:32 pm

"Fox bites man, putting Capitol Hill on high alert"

Oh , that Samantha

SkinnedWolf
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11 Apr 2022, 1:55 pm

Pavlov was drinking alone in a bar, and suddenly the phone rang on the bar, and he jumped up: "F**k! I forgot to feed the dog!"

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With the help of translation software.

Cover your eyes, if you like. It will serve no purpose.

You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.

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funeralxempire
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11 Apr 2022, 2:10 pm

^ :lol:

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Watching liberals try to solve societal problems without a systemic critique/class consciousness is like watching someone in the dark try to flip on the light switch, but they keep turning on the garbage disposal instead.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う

Fnord
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11 Apr 2022, 4:08 pm

If life has handed you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Fnord
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11 Apr 2022, 4:20 pm

The worst part about working for the Department of Unemployment is . . .

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SkinnedWolf
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11 Apr 2022, 8:48 pm

A rich man said to a young man:
I give you two options,
The first is to give you 100,000 dollar a day for 30 consecutive days;
The second is to give you 1 cent on the first day and 2 cents on the second day...
Before finishing speaking, the young man said: I choose the second one!
30 days later...

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_________________
With the help of translation software.

Cover your eyes, if you like. It will serve no purpose.

You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.

Show Spoiler

Pepe
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11 Apr 2022, 11:10 pm

SkinnedWolf wrote:

Pavlov was drinking alone in a bar, and suddenly the phone rang on the bar, and he jumped up: "F**k! I forgot to feed the dog!"

Pepe
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11 Apr 2022, 11:13 pm

Fnord wrote:

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it to them.[/color]

lostonearth35
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12 Apr 2022, 10:49 am

A couple was on their way to get married when they both got into a terrible car accident and died instantly. Now they're both at the Pearly Gates in Heaven with St. Peter. One of them says "We were on our way to get married, can we have our wedding in Heaven?" St. Peter says "I don't know, you'll have wait while I go look for a priest who can wed you." So, St. Peter goes into Heaven, and is gone for about three months. This gave the couple plenty of time to think and talk with each other. "What if the marriage doesn't work out? Do you think we can get divorced in Heaven?" "I don't know, we'll have to ask St. Peter when he comes back." Finally, St. Peter does come back and says, "Okay found I've a priest and he says he'll be glad to have you both married." One of the couple says, "We we just wondering, if the marriage doesn't work out, can we get divorced in Heaven?" St. Peter rolls his eyes and says, "I just spent three months in Heaven trying to find you a priest. Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find you a lawyer?!"

auntblabby
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12 Apr 2022, 6:14 pm

^^^ :lmao:

SkinnedWolf
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12 Apr 2022, 6:43 pm

My friends always persuade me to marry a rich man.
I asked her back, what is the use of persuading me? You should persuade rich men.

_________________
With the help of translation software.

Cover your eyes, if you like. It will serve no purpose.

You might expect to be able to crush them in your hand, into wolf-bone fragments.

Show Spoiler

auntblabby
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12 Apr 2022, 6:49 pm

^^^i can identify with that joke.

Brainiac42
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13 Apr 2022, 6:34 pm

These have all made me laugh.

I’ve got one: Today is my birthday but it’s a shame I only get half a minute to celebrate.

Because it’s my 32nd birthday.

auntblabby
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13 Apr 2022, 7:19 pm

^^^ happy bday to you :flower: