Board index › Off Topic Discussion › Random Discussion

Make an extremely dark joke.

Page 1 of 45 [ 720 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 45  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Giftorcurse
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,887
Location: Port Royal, South Carolina

14 Apr 2011, 3:09 pm

Image
Image
Image
"Akira, you really need a new hobby."
"Shut the f**k up, Masaru! This s**t's better than GTA!"


_________________
Yes, I'm still alive.


IdahoRose
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,801
Location: The Gem State

15 Apr 2011, 2:25 am

The only time I like babies is when they're in a dumpster. :wink:

Don't take it literally; it's just an extreme over-exaggeration of my lack of maternal instincts. :)



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

15 Apr 2011, 2:53 am

Just got a restraining order from a judge. I'm not allowed to be within 20 miles of a beautiful woman I've been stalking.

Not a bad outcome: in order for me to comply, I must know where she is all the time.



lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,278
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?

15 Dec 2018, 3:20 pm

A little boy asks, "Daddy, why is mommy so pale?"
The father says, "Shut up kid, and keep digging."



TW1ZTY
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Sep 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,115
Location: The US of freakin A <_<

15 Dec 2018, 3:32 pm

If a prostitute gets raped is that considered shoplifting? :P



Buc
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Dec 2017
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 320
Location: Los Angeles

15 Dec 2018, 3:39 pm

Amelia Earhart didn’t make it.


_________________
I buy my cats couches to scratch.


IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,114
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

15 Dec 2018, 9:54 pm

Why did Novak lose to Denis at the 2017 Australian Open?

He forgot to take his anti-Istomin shots.



EzraS
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,828
Location: Twin Peaks

15 Dec 2018, 10:27 pm

“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.



IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,114
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

16 Dec 2018, 10:31 am

Why did Denis Istomin think his doctors were funny following his car accident?

They kept him in stitches! (Over 80 of them, to be precise!)



TW1ZTY
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Sep 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,115
Location: The US of freakin A <_<

16 Dec 2018, 10:48 am

"Money can't buy happiness"

"Sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting"



Buc
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 24 Dec 2017
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 320
Location: Los Angeles

16 Dec 2018, 10:55 am

TW1ZTY wrote:
"Money can't buy happiness"

"Sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting"


“Money can buy a waverunner” -Kenny Powers

“Waverunners make people happy” -KP


_________________
I buy my cats couches to scratch.


IstominFan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Nov 2016
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,114
Location: Santa Maria, CA.

18 Dec 2018, 10:28 am

"Money can't buy health, but it can pay the doctor's bills."

P.J. O'Rourke, All The Trouble In The World (The last of his books that was really laugh out loud funny. The ones that came after were nearly all duds.



TW1ZTY
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Sep 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,115
Location: The US of freakin A <_<

18 Dec 2018, 10:32 am

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month"



Arganger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Apr 2018
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,707
Location: Colorado

18 Dec 2018, 10:59 am

Maybe we do need more anti vaxxers; I finely could know what it feels like to be alone.


_________________
Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,278
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?

18 Dec 2018, 11:09 am

Three doctors were talking about what their favorite kinds of patients were.

The first doctor says, "My favorite patients are librarians because their organs are in alphabetical order."

The second doctor says, "My favorite patients are mathematicians because their organs are all numbered.

The third doctor says, "My favorite patients are politicians because they're brainless, heartless, gutless, have no backbone, and their heads and buttocks can be easily switched." :twisted:



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

18 Dec 2018, 11:17 am

Q: "Hey Charlie, why are you such a gun nut?"
A: "I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums."