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drlaugh
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26 Jun 2016, 12:48 pm

Is it important?

Does it help set you free?

I don't believe it excuses bad behavior or consequences and/but is important.


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Ban-Dodger
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26 Jun 2016, 1:28 pm

True forgiveness simply means that you do not seek any form of revenge or punishment upon the offender. The importance of it is so that you do not go about causing harm against others who may be perceived as offenders. This is the sole and only safe and guaranteed method to stop incurring more negative karmic-debts.


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nick007
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26 Jun 2016, 5:39 pm

I don't believe in harboring bad will towards someone but I also don't believe in forgetting. I don't want bad things to happen to anyone but I do want to protect myself from others.


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drlaugh
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26 Jun 2016, 5:43 pm

Yes 007
Forgetting is different.

Dodger

Yes Resentments can harm me if I dwell on them
They are allowing the person to continue to harm me.


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beakybird
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26 Jun 2016, 5:58 pm

It's healthy for you to forgive. Some offenses are near impossible to forgive. But whenever you can truly forgive I believe you grow.



drlaugh
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26 Jun 2016, 6:42 pm

From Celebrate recovery.
Remember forgiving him or her in no way excuses the harm done against you.


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animalcrackers
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26 Jun 2016, 7:02 pm

I think forgiveness is a gift -- not something that a person is entitled to get from another nor something a person is obligated to give to another.

I think it's fine to only forgive people who've tried to make amends and change their behavior, and I think it's fine to forgive people when they haven't done those things.

I think that what people call "forgiveness" probably is more than one thing and each of them should have their own word.


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drlaugh
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26 Jun 2016, 7:19 pm

I hope you and all find a word.

Forgiveness of self (perfection creeps in except in cleaning)
is an issue for me.


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Stephen__
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26 Jun 2016, 8:11 pm

drlaugh wrote:
Yes Resentments can harm me if I dwell on them
They are allowing the person to continue to harm me.


I agree. Resentment internalises the harm others have done so it persists long after the person who wronged you even remembers what they did.



Noca
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26 Jun 2016, 9:40 pm

I am only able to forgive those who are no longer continuing to wrong me. For those who are still in the process of screwing me over, I don't forgive them, so that I can continue to instinctively recognize them as a threat even while lost in my own world.



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26 Jun 2016, 10:43 pm

I just think forgiveness is a process of understanding an offender and their offense(s) and letting go of resentment. That doesn't mean you can't consider the offender to be evil or even that you would never harm them, just that resentment isn't a driving force in emotions and other actions that may or may not involve the offender.


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drlaugh
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27 Jun 2016, 5:58 am

Yes

Forgiveness doesn't mean taking down you boundaries or that you are still their target.


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Brainfre3ze_93
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27 Jun 2016, 8:33 am

Yes forgiveness is important to move on. I remember a while back when my sister got into a lot of trouble, and left us with the aftermath. I had a lot a resentment for my sister for doing that, but it was stuck deeply in my heart and made things a lot worse than ever. It was only after I asked forgiveness to her did that resentment leave me.


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BirdInFlight
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27 Jun 2016, 8:46 am

I don't believe you "have to" forgive in order to move on or "free yourself" or any of that BS. Or even not to live with resentment or "carry" anything around. That's simplistic New Age baloney. You do NOT have to forgive anyone in order to get on with your life. It's not even actually particularly healthy -- "You ruined my life but it's okay I forgive you"? Sorry, there is NO onus on anyone to do that. You move through things but you don't have suspend all dignity.

In fact some anger in the aftermath of grievous harm done to you can be the ENGINE FOR RECOVERY and survival. It can be what keeps you determined to get yourself or your life back on track.

And don't assume I don't know all that spiritual karma crap -- been there done that. NOT actually useful to anyone, sorry but life isn't like ANY of that.



Brainfre3ze_93
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27 Jun 2016, 8:50 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
I don't believe you "have to" forgive in order to move on or "free yourself" or any of that BS. Or even not to live with resentment or "carry" anything around. That's simplistic New Age baloney. You do NOT have to forgive anyone in order to get on with your life. It's not even actually particularly healthy -- "You ruined my life but it's okay I forgive you"? Sorry, there is NO onus on anyone to do that. You move through things but you don't have suspend all dignity.

And don't assume I don't know all that spiritual karma crap -- been there done that. NOT actually useful to anyone, sorry but life isn't like ANY of that.


True you don't have to forgive someone, but like I said it helps people to move on.


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Danae
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27 Jun 2016, 1:17 pm

There are things that are unacceptable and to me forgive in that case means these things are ok.

Make peace with oneself and move on is the biggest achievement. So I gues it's neither forgiving or forgetting.


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