Funny work storries, you've heard or done

Post Reply New Topic

Something just came back to me. I've already mentioned about closing MacDonalds for 2 hours and putting £40's worth of petrol in a diesel engine. But here are other storries-

: I used to work for this woman and she really didn't like me, well me and this other guy went off to the van and she was just talking to the customer, so she was gonna be at the van any minute. Well me and my friend were messing around, and this was a really posh area, I pretended to kick my friend, but my boot went flying into someone's garden. So I had to jump over a big wall to go and get it, and get back over by the time my boss got there, luckily I just got back over in time, overwise, she would have gone crazy.

: My old college teacher told me, he was on the top level of a scaffold. He then fell off, going through every flight of scaffold, when he hit the ground, he said to himself, "bloody hell, i'm alright", he then stood up and cracked his head on a scaffold clip, resulting in 10-20 stitches needed.

: Also he told me this guy was leaning against an electric cable pole, and he had something in his shoe, so he started shaking his leg while still leaning against the pole, his neighbour thought he was having an electric shock, so they wacked him with a piece of wood, and they broke his arm.

An old lady slapping a man for cutting in front of her as she was unloading her stuff on the conveyor belt, and putting him in his place properly. Go grandma!

I've got a few when I worked for Superdrug. In Superdrug some of the customers are mad and you just don't know what to say to them.

1. One morning I was standing on the shop floor and this woman was queuing at the photo counter all morning every five minutes someone kept coming up to me and asking 'Is there anyone serving' as whoever was doing the job was doing something completly different and there was no cover I had no trainning or any authority on the photo counter so I couldn't do it but this actual morning this woman went up to me and said Is there anyone on the photo counter' to which replied 'No there isn't'. Then I carried on with my work. Realising what I just said I looked up at her and said in total embarrassment 'I'll get someone on'.

2. Another occasion still at Superdrug it was on an Afternoon it might have been on the same day I was still on the shop floor and I was working in the dental aisle and I had to restock my trolly and to do that I had to go into the stockroom to get some more dental products. This man was standing in the way of the door to get into the stockroom and I wsaid 'Excuse me' He replied 'Hello What's your name' I said 'Jamie' (my real name) then he said. 'Where are you going?' I said 'Through there' pointing to the door of the stockroom. Then he said 'Are you going to the garden' I looked at him and said 'Yes I am' then he said 'Are you going to get a sun tan' suddenly I thought we have a mad man here so said 'Yes' as he was talking at that point the door to the stockroom opened and jumped into the stockroom like I was escaping from something and he said I was walking through 'Keep up your looks'. And I shut the door really quick and hid in the stockroom for about ten minutes.

I'm still laughing about the guy getting whacked with the stick!

I used to work at a 4-star hotel as an inhouse PI/security dude (meaning I wore a suit, not an ill-fitting chump-ass uniform, the job's pretty much the same) and on my second day, I had to come in for a night shift in case I had to fill in for the regular guy, a giant black bodybuilder with a shaved head who had neck veins the same diameter as a garden hose. I'll call him "B".

So B and I got towards the end of the shift, and it was time to do wake-up calls. What happens is there's an automated call which goes out, twice if not answered the first time. If they fail to answer a third time after a girl from the switchboard calls, they send security.

We get to this one room and start pounding on the door. No answer. Keep pounding, no answer, start yelling, still no answer, so B takes out his passkey and unlocks the door, but it will only open partway, something's jamming it. So, he shoulders the door open and there a baggage cart from the airport lying there, the jamming culprit, and several Chinese guys in the two beds. There's a really weird smell in there that I still can't identify, and when I remarked on this later to B he said it was SARS, which still cracks me up.

Anyway, after five solid minutes of pounding on the door, yelling, and bashing a metal cart around, they all wake up at once in an explosion of panic; two guys fell out of bed and a third went from the fetal position to bolt-straight so quickly that he raised himself a good 2 feet into the air, saying, "Aaaah," eyes all huge.

If I grew up in communist China and woke up to find two massive dudes in suits standing over me talking into Mike phones I'd totally s**t.

So, the Chinese guys picked themselves up off the floor, and we managed to convince them that we weren't there to kill them or something, then backed out of the room.

The day before I had been getting my training for afternoon shift when the guy training me, Dave, told me a great one. He said he had to go check out a room where the guests hadn't checked out, even though they were only supposed to be there for one night, so he was sent up to check. Just so you know, security people go into hotel rooms all the time, and sometimes go through your stuff. This is not for pervy reasons or stealing, it's just that someone at the front desk effed up something in the computer registry and they're unsure of who is in the room, and I'd find that out the occupant's name for them, which would solve the problem. It was usually as simple as looking for plane tickets laying out or reading the label on their luggage tags.

So, Dave goes to this room and there's no answer, so he uses his passkey to get in, and it looks like the elevator scene from The Shining, blood everywhere. There was blood on the bed, the carpet, all along the wall, in the bathroom. Dave's sh*tting it, thinking he's looking at a murder scene, and calls the cops.

Turns out that what happened was the occupant got blind drunk and cracked his head on the nightstand when he got up in the night to piss. Forehead wounds bleed like crazy, and the guy had put his hand to his head by pure reflex. Still, he needed to piss so he held his bloody hand out against the wall to steady himself, leaving a huge smear all along it to the bathroom, which got it bad too, then left some more blood as he made his way back to bed and went to sleep, still bleeding like a bastard. When he woke up he must have just wigged out and skipped off hoping nobody would notice, like he only took a friggin towel or something.

Apparently it costs $500 an hour to hire a specialist blood cleaning crew, and the guest was stuck with the bill.

2. Another occasion still at Superdrug it was on an Afternoon it might have been on the same day I was still on the shop floor and I was working in the dental aisle and I had to restock my trolly and to do that I had to go into the stockroom to get some more dental products. This man was standing in the way of the door to get into the stockroom and I wsaid 'Excuse me' He replied 'Hello What's your name' I said 'Jamie' (my real name) then he said. 'Where are you going?' I said 'Through there' pointing to the door of the stockroom. Then he said 'Are you going to the garden' I looked at him and said 'Yes I am' then he said 'Are you going to get a sun tan' suddenly I thought we have a mad man here so said 'Yes' as he was talking at that point the door to the stockroom opened and jumped into the stockroom like I was escaping from something and he said I was walking through 'Keep up your looks'. And I shut the door really quick and hid in the stockroom for about ten minutes.[/quote]

Good idea, I'd have stayed in there for 20!

wow, does that remind me of my days spent at Wal-Mart. I worked in the shoe department for a while and often had to go up to the return department for shoes that were returned or exchanged that day. As i was sorting the shoeboxes out of this pile, i noticed that someone had used the lid to sort out their weed. There were seeds and stems rattling around in the bottom.

That one was a little weak, but where else but walmart did i have to clean human poo off the floor not once, not twice, but three isolated times? With that, i will say that people are just nasty. One day, i was walking from the back of the store to the front of the store, when i noticed a terrible smell. I looked down to see tiny little plops in a trail leading from register 36 all the way to the restroom in the back of the store. Keep in mind that we are talking a distance of about the length of a soccer (football) field. The restroom itself had poo smeared across four sinks, two stalls and a wall. I cant imagine the amount of time nor the situation that this could have happened in. I am guessing about five minutes. It took hours to clean up and we had to bring out the hazardous material kits.

Then there was the meth lab discovered in a travel rv in the wal mart parking lot. One of the cashiers had noticed a man buying some large amounts of specific chemicals in the store. He happened to see him walk to the rv and take the stuff in there. THe cashier passed the info to an off duty cop he saw in the store. Cop knocks on the rv, guy freaks, busted. Keep in mind, if youare a brick layer,with a really bad sinus infection, that needs a lot of batteries for your camera, and just so happen need six cans of transmission cleaner because your transmission is really dirty or really big, dont buy the stuff all at once. man, crystal meth sucks.

Okay.

I have one.

I work for my school's Insitutional Tech department, in other words, the people who make sure the wireless is running and who make sure your computer doesn't have the capability to hack.

I work random shifts a lot, because there are always people needing some shift covered.

so anyhow, I'm working this one day and I have this person's computer in my hand, and they've just given it to me, and so I'm about to sit down and check the database. I end up tripping over my own to two feet and end up sitting on the ground, with the customers computer still in my hand, and two of my coworkers looking at me like I'm nuts, and this is in front of the customer as well, so it sorta is humiliating.

A little-known feature in CICS (IBM online screens system) is the ability to set incoming text to all caps so the keyboard can't enter lower-case letters. I contracted at a company who used that feature in its warehouse id tags. When the company bought another outfit that used lower-case letters, we turned off the caps-only feature and told the warehouse managers to use the shift key to get the caps. Naturally, some didn't know they had to tell some of the younger workers this and we got production pages at night, "How do we get capital letters on the terminal?" "Press and hold the shift key, then press the letter." "Wow! That's cool." I'm not making this up.

One of my teammates had dyslexia and a bit of a spelling problem. When he took one of these calls and logged it in the service desk he left the "f" out of "shift". It was found in the review meeting the next day. Fortunately the managers thought it was funny. Later, he won a joke award for the best typo in a service desk entry. It was a tiny toilet. He kept it on his desk for the rest of his contract there.

I was due to on holiday with my friend about 4 years ago, and he really liked a drink then. He had work at Asda the day before we were gonna go, and I told him to just have an easy day and get ready for the holiday. But did he listen, he drank a medium bottle of whiskey before work in the afternoon, and when he went in his manager just told him to go home. Well anyway he left, completely wrecked, and a guy I know told me saw my friend fall over and roll all the wall down the hill which is quite long and steep, so really He was lucky to go on holiday, as it could have been a lot worse. And it was his birthday on e night of the holiday, and after a crazy night, he woke up on a bench, to be greeted by a roadsweer!

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I have a strange sense of humour. Another one of my bricklaying tutor's told me he was in a meeting to discuss the amount of people getting killed on building sites, he was in a high office was looking at this guy sweeping the roof of the building next to his, anyway the guy was sweeping backwards and just ploughed staight of the building, I don't need to say anymore, but it was a coincidence my tutor was in a meeting about exactly what he just witnessed.