MirrorWars wrote:
C Mandatory Reconsideration NS
10/10/19
I feel that I didn't represent myself adequately at my assessment. I failed to mention certain relevant points. Please consider the following:
- The single worst thing that makes me most ill in a working environment, is when I get paranoid about my coworkers. It drives me into a deep state of anxiety and depression. I cannot get it out of my mind as I constantly go over and over scenarios in my head. I keep replaying the same scene that caused me the latest paranoid episode. I analyse everybody's words, tone of voice & micro facial expression over and over for days on end, until I'm really ill. I can't help it. This also happens to me if I use a local convenience store, so I no longer go there. I now use a different shop, until the inevitable happens.
- I don't know how to react when people that I don't know are giving me crap in work. If I don't do or say anything about it, I wonder if I'm underreacting, and if I go crazy in response, I wonder if I'm overreacting. I can't work out what to do. It's very difficult for me to know what to do. It makes me want to scream.
- Things get on top of me really easily and I don't know how to deal with them. This leaves me confused and extremely anxious, which results in arguments and me being questioned about my abilities, which tends to end in either me being sacked or walking out.
- I get disorientated. When a place that I'm really familiar with can suddenly change ( in my head ), leaving me trying to work out where everything, that I normally know the location of, is. It has always happened to me. It's like I'm in a different place, that looks like the usual place, but different. It's like trying to find your way around a world that has turned upside down. It's very confusing and stressful. When this happens it can last for hours or days.
- My forearms tremble uncontrollably when I'm stressed in work. This is visible to others and I can't do anything while it is happening as it makes it impossible to hold anything steady.
- I am face blind, and that causes me problems in a working environment. I struggle to tell people apart from one another. For instance, I could be told what to do by different people and think that it is the same person who's gone insane and they're telling me completely contradictory things to do. But it would actually be two different people who didn't realise that they were both giving me different tasks at the same time.
- There are things that others can do easily but I can't do at all. This always happens to me, I will be shown how to do a seemingly simple task, a task that others are doing effortlessly, but I can't do it at all. I will try and repeatedly fail, and never manage to do it.Then people are looking at me and then looking at eachother as if there's something wrong with me.
- When I get stressed, I lose the ability to tell the time or read a display on a scale. Everything just gets scrambled and doesn't make sense to me. This causes problems.
- I hate change and can't cope with it. When my routine is changed, I panic. When this has happened to me, I have failed to cope & I have just gone home and never gone back to wherever I was working.
- I am not a violent person, but I have let myself down by hitting/kicking ( and other things that are embarrassing ) people in the workplace when things have quickly escalated. This has resulted in me losing jobs. I'm not proud of these incidents & it hasn't happened since the mid-90s, though there have been some close shaves since then.
- Because I'm always far too slow at doing things, I constantly get into trouble at work. This will then cause arguments as I can only take so much criticism from co-workers/supervisors before I react. I don't mind being criticised for being too slow, but as I have no excuses to give, the criticism just keeps coming as I continue to be too slow.
- My sleep is very poor whether I am in employment or not. Sometimes I get no sleep at all, resulting in difficulty for me coping in the daytime.
I only put this up so I could then drive down to the library and copy & paste it from there, in order to print it out. As my home printer doesn't work. Then I took it to the jobcentre and they scanned it for me. Now I just have to wait for the inevitable middle finger from the ESA people. And then I can appeal.
08 Oct 2019, 7:15 pm
