Why do lots of people think that people choose to be gay?

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It's obvious to people that people don't choose to be black, white, asian or have blond hair. Why is it not so obvious to people that people don't choose to be gay? Is it because gayness is not a visible thing? You can't look at someone and immediately know that they are gay.

Because people fear what they are taught to fear... What they can't understand becomes "immoral"

Because the concept of sexual orientation wasn't even a thing until the mid-1800s, and even then it wasn't popularized until the mid-20th century. As far back as ancient Greece and Biblical times, homosexual behavior was seen as a choice in being the product of an excess of sexual lust, not as an inherent romantic attraction, and over time it eventually became classified as a "mental illness" until the 1950s.

Basically, you're weighing the majority of human history believing it was a willful choice or the symptom of sexual dysfunction vs. the mere 60-ish years that has recognized sexuality as biological orientation. There are still millions of people who were alive when homosexuality was a criminal offense. A century or two down the line, I guarantee the belief that it's a "choice" will be long dead and buried.

You're behind the times. Choosing to be an ethnicity other than that of your parents is all the rage nowadays.

Worse yet, it wasn't removed as a mental disease from the DSM until 1973.

Because acting gay is a choice. People make a choice to be with another of the same sex. Some get confused & think by acting gay they are choosing to be gay.

Because they do not know how to find and/or read unbiased and peer-reviewed research.

That late? I misremembered that it was removed in the '50s. Well, there you go.


What, pray tell, is "acting gay"? Is this operating under the assumption that all gay males are effeminate and all gay females are masculine? There's no such thing as "acting gay" or "acting straight". You don't "act" a sexuality. Saying something like that speaks more of your own biases and misconception of gender roles than it does sexual orientation.

I have a bunch of gay friends and despite being a Christian, they do not hate me. I believe that though the sexual practice of homosexuals is wrong, there is nothing wrong with a homosexual relationship, but I think they should be aware that there is more risk to it.
I've had homosexual thoughts more or less, I mean, I once had a crush on an autistic I knew, but he wasn't very comfortable around that fact. We're on better terms, and I find myself to be much more genderfluid and comfortable with myself.

Your wording in the first sentence compels me to remind you that Christians and the LGBT community are not mutually exclusive. I'm a gay Christian and I work with a network of other Christians, both LGBT and straight, on behalf of my county's LGBT center. Of course Biblical interpretation will vary from denomination to denomination, but LGBT people are held to the exact same standards of sexual morality as straight people. There is no more "risk" in how LGBT people have sex than there is straight people.

Also, your post really has little if nothing to do at all with the OP's original question.

Well … mental illness isn't chosen either. At least, saying "Stop being schizophrenic! Just choose to be mentally healthy!" has proven ineffective as a therapeutic method.

Seriously, in many cases, I have to suspect that it's projection.

In puberty we all start to have sexual feelings. And clearly human sexuality is far more complex and nuanced than previously believed. I don't know if it's nature, nurture, or the consequences of little choices made earlier in childhood – probably a combination of all three – but some people find themselves attracted solely to the opposite sex, some are attracted solely to the same sex, some are truly bisexual, some lean one way or the other but have some feelings the other way too.

I pity those who find that they are attracted to farm animals, or corpses, or worst of all children – but I digress.

Now in my case I was (and am) attracted exclusively to women. I saw athletic young men in the showers every summer at camp, and they never did a thing for me; but Dad's stash of Playboys – Great Balls Of Fire. There was zero choice involved and I never had to decide to suppress some feelings and dwell on others.

So when a gay man tells me that he didn't choose to be gay, that he fought it, denied it, would have given anything to be straight – I have no problem believing him. I didn't choose my orientation, either.

But when I hear someone insisting that orientation is a choice, I have to suspect that, for him, it was. As a teen he was attracted to girls and at least a little bit to boys as well – but he denied that part, suppressed it, willed it to go away, chose to be heterosexual. So when he sees openly gay people his thought is, "I chose to be straight, why don't you?"

What, pray tell, is "acting gay"? Is this operating under the assumption that all gay males are effeminate and all gay females are masculine? There's no such thing as "acting gay" or "acting straight". You don't "act" a sexuality. Saying something like that speaks more of your own biases and misconception of gender roles than it does sexual orientation.[/quote]

No. By "acting gay", he is saying that gay people choose to be with someone of the same sex.

That's exactly what I was saying.

In the sense that people choose to be attracted to the same sex (i.e. the topic of this thread), or that people 'choose' to be with a partner?

If it's the latter, that really makes no sense, because, as everyone 'chooses' a partner regardless of sexuality, admonishing someone for seeking out basic human companionship seems frighteningly arbitrary.

To make themselves feel better / convince themselves they're not cruel when taking dislike to someone being/ feeling what they "can't help" / what comes naturally to them

Or they're just ignorant

Heterosexuality has always been expressed (mostly) freely and openly and considered as the norm. Some heterosexual people probably can't even imagine how anyone could naturally be attracted to people of the same sex. And they probably think all other people feel the same as they do. So they probably think that homosexual people for some reason consciously choose to be homosexual against their natural attraction to the opposite sex. A ToM issue?

I say this because for a period of time when I was a kid/teenager I actually thought "heterosexual" men were pretending to be attracted to women for whatever reason. I was (and am) only attracted to males and I thought other boys and men were also feeling the same. So to me it seemed that "heterosexuality" was a "choice".

Alternatively, rather bigoted heterosexual people probably think that homosexuality should be suppressed because it's "wrong". So if someone doesn't choose to suppress/hide it and chooses to live as an openly homosexual person (having a same-sex partner etc), then from the bigoted people's point of view that person is "choosing to be homosexual" because he/she chooses not to try to live a "normal life".