"Mozart effect"

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Maybe you've heard of the "Mozart effect", where your kid gets smarter (in the womb?) listening to Mozart.
Some other effects:

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume - that he's dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

I like Wagner

BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesn't care because all his playmates think he's cool.

IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane out bursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

These are funny, MrMark. Where did you find them? I have to show my music-geek friends...and probably their mothers.

Hilarious! I love it!

Let me make some up:

CHOPIN EFFECT: Child often alternates melodramatically between talking very slowly and very rapidly, phrasing most of his words with despair and lonliness. His friends say he takes himself a little too seriously, and they secretly wonder why he prefers somewhat macho women.

BACH EFFECT: Child alternates between speaking in the most elaborate poetry and speaking only a few one-syllable words. May read reams of music by moonlight alone. Exhibits massive verbal understatements regarding his accomplishments. May produce twenty children.
ROSSINI EFFECT: Child speaks most of his sentences with a lilt of humor, but only either shouts or whispers. His friends complain of ringing in the ears, because he shouts just when they lean in to hear his whispering.

HANDEL EFFECT: Child speaks SLOWLY, PLODDINGLY, DELIBERATELY, yet still manages to sound interesting. His friends wonder if he's constipated, because of his quick temper in spite of his general good nature toward people. May briefly engage in swordfighting, and nonstop three-week speeches while ill.

PROKOFIEV EFFECT: Child speaks in an almost purely-mathematical way, which offends his friends' ears, yet enlivens their minds and stimulates their imaginations.

TCHAIKOVSKY EFFECT: Child insists on boosting his voice's volume with a microphone whenever possible, and phrases each of his rather simple sentences with elaborate grandeur. Friends say he is completely given over to his emotions while speaking.

BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

CAGE EFFECT — Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds. Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.

I listened to American in Paris yesterday and got to wondering about the Gershwin effect.
Child's got rhythm, but can't consistently maintain any particular one?
Child's got fascinating rhythm, but can't consistently maintain any particular one?
Child's got to do do do and do it again?
Child feels that somebody loves him/her, but it's nobody but you, much to the parents chagrin?
Somebody stop me.

Bill Clinton Effect: child is either too dumb to know what the definition of "is" is or is just flat out a liar.


Hillary Clinton Effect: cries at inappropriate moments making them look either mentally deficient or not a good actor.


Huckabee Effect: in response to a question he'll raise his hand, but when asked to clarify he contradicts himself. Also makes friends with kickboxers because he thinks it makes him look cool...