Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline

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*If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

*If you suffer from multiple personalites, please press 2, 3, and 4.

*If you are dependant, please ask someone else to press 5.

*If you are schizophenic, please listen as the little voice in your head tells you to press 6.

*If you are excessively paranoid, do not go further. We already know who you are and why you are calling. Please remain on the line so we can trace your call.

*If you suffer from delusions or hallucinations, please note that the thing you are holding to your ear is alive and will bite you.

(There's more, I just forgot them)

*Thank you for calling the Psychiatric Hotline!

My mom called up this place and let me listen to the recording. ROFLMAO!

I remember reading those. They're hysterical!

Here are the others:

If you are borderline, it doesn't matter which number you press-- no one will answer.

If you are manic-depressive, please press 7 as fast as you can for the next 24 hours, and then crash for the following 24 hours.

If you have bipolar affective disorder, please leave a message after the beep and before the beep and after the beep.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have ADD, wander away from the phone and start another task.

If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you suffer from social phobia, please hang up and go to a party.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone, and mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.



9..........9.............9.............9............9....................

* If you are an Aspie savant press the digits corresponding to the square root of 3847623487130234889439816898

If you have narcissistic personality disorder, you are too awesome to be calling the hotline so just hang up.

these are all funny.

Oh, the laughter! This stuff is down right priceless!

XD

If you are demon-possessed, please press 6 ... 6 ... 6 ...