friendship, and standards

Post Reply New Topic

What to look for in a friend:

Not pretentious

Not judging

Kind

Helpful

Empathic

sociable

Trustworthy


WRONG WRONG WRONG

SHUT UP!


I don't agree with a set list of criteria. Criteria is always limited. People have too many expectations! I cannot meet people's expectations; I am an individual, not a follower. For me, friendship is conditional on whether or not the other person is nice to me.

I don't even look for trust in a friend. I don't care. If my gut feeling says, I like that person, then I like that person and its as simple as that.

As long as that person does no harm to me and does not disrupt my plans in a bad way or spread negative information about me, I would keep them as a friend.

I dare say I could grow to like a murderer. Everyone has their unique personality, and all these moral values and social rules, people have fabricated! I don't agree with certain ethics; I don't think it is the case that things are either a 1 or a 0 because that is extremism and it promotes a lack of freedom. I will not be vindicated for my individuality and my ideas that would contradict the unfounded, biased feelings of the common, ignorant people.

I do not value moral 'correctness' higher than what is actually correct, for I am an intellectual, and not an empath.

Furthermore, I am against fundamentalists.

I guess that I too have had friends that do not fully fit in there, for me it is often someone who will accept me for one thing. I dont realy like bullies, I do remember that I used to be friends with a bunch of the other special education students and I have always been the victem of the bullies. I have often like chalanging donversations, but I have often up with some people that are outcasts like me but completly opposite to me, but that might be that they are the only people with autism that I meet, I rarely meet the ones closer to me. One time I when I was in highschool, I whent to this thing about people with disabilities going to uni, and it was like the other people were just like me. I didnt realy do much beyond see them at this activity but in that short time I saw these other Aspergers people it felt like those are people I would want to be friends with, a place I could belong.

When it comes to standards, I never had any. I have always had a problem with being a little desperate for some attention. But most of them were more than I could bare. It was usually this they'd want from me:

"I don't have my ID with me so could you go and buy get me a 12 pack?"

or "Can I borrow some money and I'll pay you back."

Haven't seen a dime since then not to mention their faces. So much for trying to be sociable, trustworthy and kind.

As far as standards go, people are people. Once you get to really know them, their tune changes. Not everyone's like that but you can't expect people to treat you the way you'd want to be treated by either being a doormat or a bully.

Money often separates friends from the "friends",
but its a harsh experience. There not many real friends
in the world, people you trust and back up and vice versa.

The money thing...lend money to a friend, if he pays up
according to the agreement or explains why he cant pay,
you might have a friend, theres some respect involved.
If you have to nag and ask and he forgets and it drags
out, f*** him. Then money is more important to him then
you. If you lend someone $50 and it gets "forgotten", i
mean thats just crap. Has nothing to do with the money,
its the thinking behind it. Dont like lending money to
people i find ok, things gets rotten fast, so i try to just
say "take it and pay it back if you can, no stress please".
Maybe someday i need help and they remember, you
never know.

Guess friends to me are people i trust and help if they
ask for help, and the other way around. And real friends
keep their mouths shut when you ask them to

""""I don't have my ID with me so could you go and buy get me a 12 pack?"
or "Can I borrow some money and I'll pay you back.""""

Thats really crappy MissC, sad stuff

@ImTheGuyThatDidThat: Yes, I agree about the whole money thing, and that's it; I do look for respect.

For me, respect is more important than actual friendship, or being liked. It's confusing for me when someone is nice to me and they won't be my friend, and it's simply because they have too many expectations. I am honest and I am who I am. I do not cover up my true feelings because essentially that would mean I'd have the mentality of an opportunist.

@MissConstrue: Yes that is very true. I hate people who do not keep their word. In that sense, when it comes to matters that are not even about friendship [money and lending and favours] what happened to you shows great injustice. I would never be one to take advantage of another. And, see, that's what I mean by 'disrupt my plans' because that is clear manipulation where you would get nothing in return, and not even friendship because they were only using you in the first place.

Indeed, friendship isn't business.

Now, I suspect that I have missconstrued what you have written there because it would appear that you are calling me a bully

On the contrary, I am the one that is bullied. That said, I can be very nasty to a person if needs be. That is, only if they are nasty or unjustified in their actions.

@Bradleigh: That's an interesting story, and usually, it is true that special needs people are not accepted by normal people because many people are shallow; single minded and usually wrong, and they follow eachother about like herds, and when they go "baaaa" they expect you to do the same!

No I didn't imply you being the bully I was speaking in terms of how one treats another. I mostly implied myself as being the doormat to be honest.

Be friendly, and we'll be friends.
Be honest, and we'll be best friends.