Just 4 fun: pretentiousness

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http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

When I read the description of this popular blog, I thought I was in for a treat and upper-class whites were in for a mocking. However, as I scrolled through the archives, I came to a horrible realization: EVERYONE ON EARTH IS PRETENTIOUS. I mean everyone. If you can scroll through this list of "pretentious" things and find none that match your tastes, you get a cookie. Or at least a picture of a cookie. So DA-DA-DA-DAAAH, here is a complete list of stuff that makes you pretentious, courtesy of stuffwhitepeoplelike.com!

Entertainment: you're pretentious if you:
Like Frisbee sports
Read 'The Onion'
Listen to classical music
Play children's games as an adult
Watch or play rugby
Download music illegally
Have ever hosted or been to a dinner party
Celebrate St. Patrick's day
Watch 'The Wire'
Like "the idea of soccer"
Like musicals
Stand still at concerts
Do co-ed sports
Liked the movie 'Juno'
Have gone to or want to go to Japan
Have an ironic sense of humor
Listen to public radio
Have ever voluntarily been to a play
Listen to indie bands
Have ever hosted or been to an Oscar party
Watched 'Arrested Development' when it was on
Are interested in architecture
Watch 'The Daily Show' or 'The Colbert Report'
Have a Netflix account
Have ever been snowboarding
Like 80s music
Don't have a TV
Run marathons
Do writer's workshops
Travel outside the US
Have a gay friend as a straight person
Have a black friend as a white person
Do yoga
Fancy Asian girls (white men only)
Have ever been to a film festival

Stuff: You're pretentious if you:
Have a Facebook page
Are a woman with her hair cut in bangs (seriously)
Wear sweaters
Have bumper stickers on your car
Wear scarves
Wear New Balance shoes
Have a book deal
Where sporty, outdoor clothes indoors
Wear or have ever worn shorts (seriously)
Wear or have ever worn T-shirts (seriously)
Have "modern furniture"
Drink bottled water
Live in a "gentrified" neighborhood
Have ever eaten an expensive sandwich
Own a bicycle
Own or want to own a Toyota Prius
Practice natural medicine
Have "kitchen gadgets" besides an oven, microwave, or toaster.
Own a dog (I am serious. Not just a purebred dog or a tiny dog, but a dog in general is an elitist item)
Have vintage things
Go to food co-ops or whole foods stores
Have an arts degree
Eat Asian fusion
Eat sushi
Own Apple products
Have renovated your house at any time
Eat at "breakfast places"
Have ever smoked pot
Drink wine
Like microbreweries
Drink tea
Eat organic food
Go to farmer's markets
Drink coffee

Filthy liberal elitists: You're pretentious if you:
Often find yourself being offended by things
Want universal healthcare
Hate corporations
Have ever threatened to move to Canada
"Know what's best for poor people"
Are friends with a lawyer
Are a vegetarian or a vegan
Like to study non-white cultures as a white person
Feel compelled to raise awareness about anything (note: autism counts!)
Donate to non-profits
Are planning to vote for (or, if under 18, support) Barack Obama
Like the concept of "diversity"
Recycle
Live in New York
Live in San Francisco

Behavior: You're pretentious if you:
Ever make self-aware hip-hop references
Have been involved with an unpaid internship in any way
Correct people's grammar/make an effort to use perfect grammar yourself
Are in any way connected to an Ivy League school
Have bad memories from high school
Have been to or want to go to graduate school
Have studied or want to study abroad
Like to be "the only white person around"
Have ever had a difficult breakup
Stand still at concerts
Have had a divorce
Apologize often in your daily life ("I'm sorry I stepped on your foot!")
Live by the water
Hate your parents
Were, are, or have a gifted child
Have ever switched religions

Celebrities: You're pretentious if you like:
Mos Def
Michel Gondry
Sarah Silverman
Wes Anderson
David Sedaris

Wow...that's...almost everyone. Including this guy:

T-shirt and shorts. Plus, he probably fancies Asian girls. What an elitist.

Am I the only one that will admit it?

-Filthy elitist t-shirt wearer here. (No seriously, I've worn this shirt for two days straight.)

-I am bitter about high school.

-I own 3 dogs.

-I have a black friend.

-I live by the water. (It's a small river does that count?)

-I've smoked pot.

err... there are a few others but I forget.

Oh! Oh yeah!

I fancy Asian girls. (but that was white men only, so I don't know if that counts either.)

Of course I'm pretentious. I'm human with a measurable heart beat.

Holy s**t—you can be pretentious just for liking classical music these days? What on earth?

My thoughts exactly. In my opinion, there are things in this world that honestly make a person pretentious (listed below for your enjoyment), but making the qualifications this inclusive devalues the term and becomes disgustingly anti-intellectual after awhile. What's it to you if I watch PBS and play ultimate Frisbee?

Things that may actually be pretentious:
Speaking in the fake European accent of your choice (I'm looking at you, Madonna)
Kabbalah, Faux-Mitzvahs, and anything else where you pretend to be Jewish (I'm looking at you, Madonna). Conversion to Judaism is not something you can do halfway.
Thinking that everyone can afford to Go Green (most people cannot afford Priuses)
Being a belligerent nonsmoker
In academia, automatic dismissal of Charles Dickens
PETA
Libertarians who are constantly saying things like, "the scum sinks to the bottom" or "trash breeds trash." Now THAT'S condescending to the poor.
Shopping at HotTopic (pretentious teenagers)

Well yes. It wouldn't be funny if I couldn't identify with at least some of the stuff on that blog. It'd just be class animosity.

I'm well pretentious.

Both my parents are lawyers (sarcasm )

I am pretentious, but perhaps not as pretentious as I expected.

Entertainment: you're pretentious if you:
Like Frisbee sports No.
Read 'The Onion' Yes.
Listen to classical music Yes.
Play children's games as an adult No.
Watch or play rugby No.
Download music illegally No.
Have ever hosted or been to a dinner party Yes (been, not hosted).
Celebrate St. Patrick's day No.
Watch 'The Wire' No (don't get the channel it's on)
Like "the idea of soccer" No.
Like musicals No.
Stand still at concerts No (don't go to them).
Do co-ed sports No.
Liked the movie 'Juno' No (didn't see it, didn't appeal to me).
Have gone to or want to go to Japan Yes (want to).
Have an ironic sense of humor Yes.
Listen to public radio Yes (occasionally).
Have ever voluntarily been to a play Yes.
Listen to indie bands No.
Have ever hosted or been to an Oscar party No.
Watched 'Arrested Development' when it was on No.
Are interested in architecture Yes.
Watch 'The Daily Show' or 'The Colbert Report' Yes.
Have a Netflix account No.
Have ever been snowboarding No.
Like 80s music No.
Don't have a TV Yes (I don't have one of my own).
Run marathons No.
Do writer's workshops No (I don't need to be told how to write).
Travel outside the US Yes.
Have a gay friend as a straight person No (I have gay friends, but I'm asexual, not straight).
Have a black friend as a white person Yes.
Do yoga No.
Fancy Asian girls (white men only) No.
Have ever been to a film festival No.

Stuff: You're pretentious if you:
Have a Facebook page Yes (I assume this means profile, not page, which is different).
Are a woman with her hair cut in bangs (seriously) No.
Wear sweaters Yes.
Have bumper stickers on your car No.
Wear scarves No.
Wear New Balance shoes No.
Have a book deal No.
Where sporty, outdoor clothes indoors No.
Wear or have ever worn shorts (seriously) Yes.
Wear or have ever worn T-shirts (seriously) Yes (but normally only to sleep).
Have "modern furniture" Yes.
Drink bottled water Yes.
Live in a "gentrified" neighborhood No.
Have ever eaten an expensive sandwich Yes.
Own a bicycle No.
Own or want to own a Toyota Prius No.
Practice natural medicine No.
Have "kitchen gadgets" besides an oven, microwave, or toaster. No.
Own a dog (I am serious. Not just a purebred dog or a tiny dog, but a dog in general is an elitist item) No.
Have vintage things Yes.
Go to food co-ops or whole foods stores No.
Have an arts degree No.
Eat Asian fusion No.
Eat sushi No.
Own Apple products Yes (am writing this on one)
Have renovated your house at any time No (never owned a house)
Eat at "breakfast places" No.
Have ever smoked pot No.
Drink wine Yes (occasionally)
Like microbreweries No.
Drink tea Yes (occasionally).
Eat organic food No (not intentionally, anyway).
Go to farmer's markets No.
Drink coffee Yes.

Filthy liberal elitists: You're pretentious if you:
Often find yourself being offended by things No.
Want universal healthcare Yes.
Hate corporations No (only some of them).
Have ever threatened to move to Canada Yes.
"Know what's best for poor people" No (I wouldn't put it that way).
Are friends with a lawyer Yes.
Are a vegetarian or a vegan No.
Like to study non-white cultures as a white person Yes.
Feel compelled to raise awareness about anything (note: autism counts!) Yes.
Donate to non-profits Yes.
Are planning to vote for (or, if under 18, support) Barack Obama Yes.
Like the concept of "diversity" Yes (within limits).
Recycle Yes.
Live in New York Yes.
Live in San Francisco No.

Behavior: You're pretentious if you:
Ever make self-aware hip-hop references No.
Have been involved with an unpaid internship in any way No.
Correct people's grammar/make an effort to use perfect grammar yourself Yes.
Are in any way connected to an Ivy League school Yes (know people who go/went to them)
Have bad memories from high school No (I was so destroyed by middle school, I never made it to high school).
Have been to or want to go to graduate school Yes (want to).
Have studied or want to study abroad Yes (want to).
Like to be "the only white person around" No (neither like nor dislike it).
Have ever had a difficult breakup No (never had a relationship).
Stand still at concerts No (don't go to them).
Have had a divorce No (never been married or had a relationship).
Apologize often in your daily life ("I'm sorry I stepped on your foot!") No.
Live by the water Yes (on an island).
Hate your parents No.
Were, are, or have a gifted child Yes (was, or so they told me).
Have ever switched religions No (I am a lifelong non-religious atheist).

Celebrities: You're pretentious if you like:
Mos Def No.
Michel Gondry No.
Sarah Silverman No.
Wes Anderson No.
David Sedaris No.

I actually just found this site myself, and think it's pretty funny. Some of the stuff is obvious and tired, but some of the jibes are eerily on target. I'm a huge fan of the shows Arrested Development and The Wire, and I was amazed to see them listed, let alone the attitudes of so many of their fans accurately described. Also, the advice about taking children to organic grocery stores to teach them not to want everything is dead on.

Err...

Can someone tell me what "The Onion" is? I'm intrigued.

is this for real? how hard would you have to try to NOT fit these criteria? and how pretentious would that make you?
lol

Thats just stupid.. pretentious, moi?

It's a satirical newspaper.

See here.

I beg the differ. Making fun of yuppies never gets old.