I need to get a turkey out of the oven tomorrow. HELP ME.

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Could you please explain to me, from start to finish, how I am supposed to get a turkey out of an oven? Because that's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing tomorrow afternoon.

I have several towels (no oven mitts - my dad accidentally burnt our oven mitt tending the grill), this (http://www.thefoodpaper.com/images/roastingpan2.jpg) sort of pan, an electric oven/stove (no gas at all, but also a flat surface on top for cleaning), and a 12-pound, stuffed turkey sitting within the pan (all that juice on the bottom of the pan, of course, etc. etc.).

Now willya please explain, in steps that can be printed out in 20pt font and stuck onto the fridge for reference, how I proceed? I need the explanation that would be given to an inquisitive third-grader.

Also, how do I get the turkey out of the pan and into the serving dish without handling it with the fingers? My sister's kind of picky about people, or gloves, touching it, so I need to use only serving implements.

1.- open oven
2.- use towels to pull the handle(s) closer to you so you can get it out, out enough to be able to grab the other handle and, with both handles, put it on some surface that won't get damaged by the heat, like a wood cutting board.
If it's to hot to grab just let it cool a couple of minutes with the door open
3.- I think you'll have to grab it with your bare hands, unless it already has some kind of "mini grill" below it that can be grabbed and used so you can put it on a serving dish.
Just be sure to wash your hands!
Don't let your sister be there while you grab it! =P

You could just put some aluminium around it so you can grab it with your hands, and take it off when no longer needed.

hope that helps.
English not my native language hope I explained myselfff

I think this image will be of great help

Be really careful about the pan drippings. They will be really hot.
Wait until the turkey cools down.

oh for crying out loud! heres what you do, you walk on down to the store! pick out what turkey you wanna roast, come home. you are now home. open your front door, walk casually through the living room (you dont want anyone seeing you) enter teh kitchen! you are now in the kitchen. put larry in the kitchen sink. (all turkeys are given names, and there all named larry) now then at this point you might wanna cool down and grab yourself a dr. pepper because you are exausted. dont worry larry will be hanging out in the sink, hes not going anywhere! i hope you have your oven pre-heated, that bad boy has to warm up. now after youve relaxed and finished your doctor pepper walk on over to the sink, but be careful! you might fall. hopefully you dont though, if you arive at te sink in one pieace undress larry, he will usually be wrapped in plastic. this is normal. after hes nakid, he acts shy but you must stick your hand up his butt. you'll see it, go in. i know! stop having a panic attack, you touch your butt all the time. exept it isnt this cold! relax, do you need another dr. pepper? i hope not. its to early for another one and the sun is barely rising. now then, pull out the neck, thats right its discusting but its gotta be done. people wanna eat goddamit and this is the only way! quickly throw it in the trash and wash your hands, now i hope the turkey pan fairy left you a turkey pan under your pellow last nite. did you think that was uncomfortable? well not as uncomfortable as writing this so you have it easy! now then, put larry in there. he will resist you so you must be forcefull with your hands. thats right show him whos boss! hes in now, good. walk on over to the oven but first open it. multitasking is a pain in the ass and id hate for you to drop your dinner all over your bear rug in the kitchen. beautiful. hes in. if you see him beating on the glass like hes waiting for mervens to open ignore him. he knows whats up, but i doubt you do! its ok i have a hard time cooking aswell, goodluck

that made me remember my grandma killing chickens, something I'll nver forget

those chicken were megadelicious BTW

i see your family did it old school. cool. my moms neighbours are indians and they killed a sheep and i got to watch. they were making mutton stew or something, i didnt eat it though

i just made an appearance and then i was outta there!!

Ewww!

i guess this isnt a good time to tell you that KFC has chicken farms, and the chickens have no head or eyes. they just grow the body. wich is why i never eat there it really isnt that bad, animals are for eating. where do you think half your food comes from? are you by any chance eating turkey today? thats an animal.

I didn't eat it. It caught on fire and I put baking soda all over it, basically ruining the birdie, to the dismay of various relatives - at least I had an excuse for why I was only eating side dishes, which I was planning to do anyway. *shrug*

How do you feed a headless chicken? How does a presumably brain-stemless chicken respire? By what mechanism does a chicken lacking a pituitary gland chicken grow? How does a breeder select for headlessness?

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Sorry you're day didn't go so well orngjce223. But on the bright side, this may be the last turkey anyone asks you to cook for awhile. I like the side dishes better myself anyways.

If you really still want to attempt this again, try getting a small turkey breast and doing it on a weekend when you have the time and aren't under pressure. Holidays are stressful enough on their own without trying to learn how to cook your first turkey too.

I can assure you that headless chickens CAN live, even if only for a couple of minutes