aspies vs women- where have you felt contradictions?

Post Reply New Topic

I've been browsing these forums (specifically the "women's discussions" section) for a good few hours now. And I noticed some typical female behaviors and activities have already been been pointed out as seeming aversive to many of the women here: wearing make up (due to sensory issues), going to the mall (anxiety- again sensory related), ect...


So I was wondering what specific, possibly AS-related traits you possess that people might have seen as odd or inappropriate, particularly because you are a girl/woman.


A lot of my own stem from the social anxiety I experience around crowds or new people- all social cues seem like white noise to me at first, and when I'm surrounded by them I feel like I need to hide. As a result, I always wear jeans and oversized t-shirts to hide in without drawing attention to myself. I constantly have people tell me to dress better. "You're a pretty girl...and you're skinny... why don't you dress up more?" and even once got, "Why do you hide your femininity?" (I kid you not.) Whenever I wear a skirt or heels I feel terrified that if I lift my eyes off the ground, people will be looking at me.

Another, more obvious one: when people find out I enjoy sci-fi, they're always very surprised. People randomly feel the need to tell me I look like a ballerina all the time, but I guess I "just don't look like someone who'd be into that science-fiction stuff."

grr...first day with internet service at our new place and it keeps crashing...I posted some post about how everything I know about women, I learned from watching Network television...so they are like some alien race to me..or I am like some alien race to them...

I can identify with this. I wore loose clothing all through junior high and high school, and my mother gave me those exact words - about hiding femininity. She wanted me to see a psychiatrist about my "body issues" or something - "it's not normal". I have never worn make-up in my life, and even as a small child hated face-painting. I also specifically remember that my parents thought all little girls should know how to dance, and sent me to ballet classes. It was torture for six years until I managed to convince them to let me quit at age 10 ("all the kids are laughing at me...").
Recently I have found that wearing "normal" clothing (not quite as loose, sweaters with hoods, etc.) actually makes you stand out less in the crowd (but I refuse to wear skirts, heels, etc.). You get fewer weird looks. I hate crowds (the mall is fine in off-hours because it's only the people that bother me). But I still refuse to touch make-up, still love science fiction and less girly things (mountain biking, camping, skiing).

I hate shopping, make up, don't have a clue what it means to "style one's hair", and only own a hair dryer because my mom gave me her old one (so that in the dead of winter, my hair wouldn't literally freeze on the way to the bus stop). Tried experimenting with hair dryers and curling irons when I was a teen, but all it was good for was hitting myself on the head and burning myself. I use my mom has a sound board for dressing - I have no taste in clothing and, if it was left up to me, I would put red sweaters with brown pants. I have my brother's and mom's hand me downs, and it's perfectly fine because they're comfy. I used to wear baggy stuff all the time until my stepdad and mom pointed out that I looked fatter in baggier clothing than I did the size I'm supposed to wear. Now, I just mostly wear jeans, sweaters and/or t-shirts when I'm not working. I have just now learned that you're supposed to have a whole different style of clothing for dating - oops. I now have a skirt/buttoned now shirt that I can wear to either a date OR work and not be too over dressed (I just pray to God that if I ever do get a second date, that the guy wouldn't know I was wearing the same outfit - and I can only wear the outfit in summer, because otherwise I'd freeze to death). I'm more of a tomboy. Have to keep reminding myself to "close my legs" when I'm sitting in a dress and I'd rather sprint/run than walk. Still don't get the point of heels - I just know that if I wear them, I will fall on my ass and will have to be then shipped off to the ER for x-rays. I also don't drool over famous people or exclaim endlessly about their hotness. I could care less about decorating, too. In the summer, I only wear dresses/skirts because I'd otherwise faint from heat exhaustion.

The only thing I can do with my hair is put it up in two buns on the sides of my head.

Oh if only I had discovered that hairstyle when i was young...it would have staved off years of horrible bad embarrasing hair....

I like dark colors...oversized t-shirts around the house...mainly because I detest wearing a bra. I have never found one that I could tolerate the entire day and I've tried about all of them. I don't do dresses.

I don't have a problem with make-up since I started using a mineral make-up...it doesn't feel like it's "there" as much.

I don't wear jewelry alot, one favorite necklace...I can't walk in high heels without tripping...clumsy as heck.

I cut my own hair, sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't ...but thankfully it's curly and the mistakes aren't obvious. I can't stand someone messing with my hair...I used to scream like a banshee when I was little and my mom used to take me to get it cut.

I love cars, trucks, bikes, and tinkering with mowers...used to have a few VW's I worked on and customized years ago.

I like ratty old extra soft cotton t-shirts with the necks cut out of them...I always have to wear a bra during the day, but the bra must have no underwire, be made of cotton, and somewhat too big...like I wear a 42B instead of a 38B...though 38 might be more accurate...
I like skirts better than pants because they are non-constricting...medium length full skirts with pockets and elastic waists are what I like the best...and I always wear leggings underneath.
I also like those mexican embrordiered nightgowns for around the house and sometimes I cut them off and wear them as long shirts. I screen print on alot of my clothes...skirts...shirts...etc...and almost everything I own is covered in some form of ink or paint.
I wear a little makeup...like one necklace because is is made of light, brightly colored Czech glass and does not choke me...like to dress up in funny costumes sometimes..(which entails more makeup)...and um.....um......well.....gee.....that is just asthetics....

There's two things I do that are girly - dress up, and tidy up. Tidying up is a compulsive thing: I hate to have mess (which I think I picked up off my mother), and when I dress up the majority of the time it's as a guy. XD

I hate having my hair touched by anyone else and have never been to a hairdressers in my life. I'm more than happy to keep it that way as well (although I had to clear my hair out of the sinkhole from where I cut it the other day which was disgusting).

Oh, I do love editing though, which is traditionally a women's job.

I am hopeless with hair too, but when I was younger I used to wear tight clothes & mini-skirts etc, & makeup (although I hated foundation & lipstick, I still used to wear it for a time).

I was doing this after I had been studying teenage magazines (in my 20's!) because I was was trying to attract the opposite sex, but I now know I got it all totally wrong & probably looked pretty ridiculous! I certainly took no notice of fashion or "tribal looks" & just wore what I wanted to.

Now I am older I don't really bother with clothes or makeup because I have put on weight & think there is no point.

same here, i am thought of as weird cos i don't bother with fashion eg i am not willing to wear shoes that will hurt my feet just so i can be "in".

Well, I used to despise makeup and I hated to style my hair, but this year I've actually started doing both.
I usually staighten (or, if I'm late or feeling lazy, put it in pony tail) my hair each morning and apply a bit of makeup (concealer, eyeliner, powder) as well. Usually the straightening is a bit of an undertaking because my hair is down past my mid-back right now. Thank God I have to wear a uniform to school because I don't need to worry about what to wear. Itchy tags make my head want to explode and make me highly uncomfortable. Also, I've taken to wearing headbands lately even though they initially hurt the sides of my head. I've been trying to make more of an effort to look nice for the past year or so and, even though its an effort, I think its usually worth it.

Even though I look like a fairly normal girl, but people do find my interests quite strange.
I can rant and talk about Bruce Lee movies, Jackie Chan movies, and lots of other martial arts movies for way longer than any other girl I know of. I also love videogames, books, Chem class, Horror movies and foreign languages, so that odd assortment of interests can freak people out sometimes too.

I also feel very uneasy when people touch my hair or pull on my ponytail. I think dresses and skirts are more comfortable than jeans and pants, but I don't own many skirts besides the ones for my uniform.

And then, of course there is the whole thing where I'm mentally exhausted after socializing for extended periods of time. I need plenty of by-my-self retreat time, and I hate - repeat - HATE group projects. Even if I like the people in my group, the concept of a group project is still hellish.

I can't understand why so many women and girls spend so much time and/or money on makeup and clothing (esp. shoes). I believe makeup is essentially useless, and wonder why those girls/women prefer platform shoes and heels when sneakers also afford style (albeit of a different kind) and comfort. My mom just can't comprehend why I care so little about looking "feminine".

I never do anything more than brush my hair in the morning, and often I just don't brush it except with my fingers. I always just put it up in a ponytail. I'm thinking of cutting my hair rather short when I reach a certain goal weight, since short hair is low-maintenance and less of a nuisance. Friends of my family used to pet my hair, and I always wanted to cringe when they did so but couldn't because it'd be rude.

Little boys seemed to like playing with me more since I had several video game consoles. I always felt that I had more typical "boy" rather than "girl" interests. I do have a fascination with pregnancy and babies, though, and also with cute things such as baby animals.

Same here...I get extremely annoyed when my female friends squee, squeal, and giggle loudly upon seeing cute guys on their favorite TV shows. They're even worse when they watch Asian TV series or movies, because the male actors are often effeminate. I cringe when I hear them emit even the slightest squeal. I am disgusted and mortified by yaoi, but many of my friends love it!

I don't know which camp this would belong in, but I'm a feminist. That would probably hurt any chances I might have in the dating department.

The feminine mistake

I hate changing my clothes, as I get used one outfit and then it has to go. I used to like tight jeans (no shape anyway) but now because of arthritis it is harder to move in tighter clothes. Tops must be roomy but not ride up or lose shape. Soft sweaters are good. Easy to put on and hide a multitude of lumps and bumps. I do not wash everything everyday because the fabric wears out too fast. Clothes must last. I tis always difficult to find the same nice stuff after a few years. Hard to find bras with no wires so I buy second hand. I do not know how the larger ladies do it, when they need more support just to feel comfortable. Jeepers.

i hate the way girls tend to sit around and slag people off sometimes either a celeb or one of their own that is not there.

Guys do that just as much, if not more. You'd be surprised at the bitchiness they can contain. I was a tomboy until I was 15. I also like video games and other geek stuff but so do heaps of girls.

I hate how most NT females sit around, speaking the Valley Girl Bimbo language, and they go on, about hair, cute clothes, guys and make-up. I'm not into that stuff, and I don't wish to be talking like a High School Girly. I don't like to wear tight clothing, and let my cleavage show, either. I'm not a Barbie doll. I'm an Individual, who happens to like British 70s Culture. If the Society Girls have a problem with me, as I am, they can go shag themselves.