Anger over my Nonexistant Wedding

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Today, I watched a video collage from a friend's daughter's wedding. It was formal. All her friends were there. Her parents were overjoyed. It was beautiful. I teared up and got angry, because I'll never have that.

I'm 27 years-old and I know I'll never be the beautiful bride in the white dress with the endearing husband. Why?
1. My longterm bf isn't at all the traditional marriage type. Plus, he's a smart ass and enjoys pushing my buttons until I wonder why I'm even with him.
2. I'm really not that religious where I would get married in a church.
3. I'm estranged from my father. He's an a****le. So, there goes the loving parents part.
4. I'll never be able to afford to pay for my own wedding.
5. I'm not even sure if I want to get married with a 51% divorce rate in the US.

Silly, isn't it? I'm so not a traditionalist. I've been so hurt by divorce, that it scares me to be tied to one guy legally. I know if I ever get a divorce, I won't be coming out with what I went in with. But I still want all the beautiful flowers, the love and support. Knowing that many people want to be there to support me. You know? I'm getting angry at myself for what I consider being "weak".

Can anyone relate?

Me! I've been in 2 long term relationships and never been
Engaged. Infact both guys have told me they would never marry me and my current has been engaged 3 times before so it's not commitment phobia.

I had never been too bothered with marriage before but I was never a parent before. I don't want a big romantic wedding but I would like to know that someone loved me enough to want to spend the rest of their life with me and wanted the world to know this by something as simple as a ring and a bit of paper. It's not the wedding I want, it's the marriage which makes me different to most who yearn for the White wedding, church, flowers and reception.

I've never even had a long term relationship. The closest I've gotten to that was 3-4 months. So yeah, my dream of being a happy bride seems rather silly and far-fetched. Why do you think I'm trying so hard to lose weight? I want to be beautiful so I can find the man of my dreams and marry him.

My last serious bf was talking marriage. This bf, though he says one day he'll get married, I'm pretty sure would be happy staying unmarried, but together for a long time. It's not a horrible idea, but I feel like he'd just be waiting for the first beneficial moment for him to leave. But I may have that view since I've been so hurt by men (bfs and my father).

When I started dating him, I weighed 145 and I thought that was fat. Then, I lost my job to the economy and was in a very rough spot. I couldn't afford to eat very healthy and the emotional part of me didn't care. I gained 30lbs! Now, I'm back to losing. I'm on Weight Watchers and it has really helped since I have to log my food.

I wish I could be 145-175 pounds. I'm at 221. I was at 248 last summer though. While I've made progress, I still feel that I'm nowhere near being small and pretty enough to find someone who will treat me well. >.<

I've had plenty of friends that weight who found someone that loved and adored them. But I know how you feel. It certainly seems easier for the skinny girls.

I knew I had to lose weight, not only for my health, but because it makes me feel better. Better I feel, better my relationship with my bf and family.

Yeah and if you bring it up, the skinny girls bite your head off. Look, they're the one with the generally approved body type so they should expect the extra attention.

I know I have to lose the weight too. I've done well so far but it's taking far too long. I don't think I could wait another year and a half to be back where I was before the antidepressants.

I'm finding more and more that being perceived as beautiful comes down mostly to deciding one is beautiful and projecting that out toward others.

Still, faaaar easier said than done.



The wedding tradition is kind of cruel, because so few of us have the means for that kind of celebration- yet it's made up of the elements every woman dreams of- the love of her life, the pride of her parents and family, the support of her friends, and of course the privilege to feel beautiful.

And flowers. Lots and lots of flowers.

It's designed to make us want it.

I am neither small nor pretty. Weight doesn't put the right guy off!

I too wish I could be 145-175lbs

Just remember that flowers and beautiful dresses do not make it a wonderful wedding. It's the love and commitment that make weddings beautiful. We had a traditional wedding mostly to satisfy our family. We didn't care about it at all. DH's parents planned everything and paid for everything.

Our guests didn't know that it wasn't our "dream come true" day and that we didn't care. Things aren't always what they seem to be. I personally think all the wedding planning would drive an aspie girl nuts, it might be best to not have one. I fortunately didn't have to do much planning. Still just think about the uncomfortable wedding dress (it must have weighed about 20lbs with the petticoat), shoes, hairdo (I had 50 hair pins and half a can of hairspray to hold it up.), jewelry, greasy feeling makeup (lipstick really gross me out), being under the gaze of a hundred people all the time, smiling all the time, hundreds of camera flashes blinding you, kissing on demand in front of all the people, being hugged by all the extended family members I've never seen before, everybody trying to talk to me and I didn't know what to say other than smile and thank you...etc. To be honest it's far from the best day of my life, possibly rank among one of the worst days. It's only the fact that we did it and got it over with and didn't disappoint parents made it worth the trouble.

*Thin does not equal to beautiful. I was very skinny and didn't look very good in my wedding dress even with paddings.

Yes but have you seen the bridal gowns for plus sizes (or plus size fashion in general) ? Most of them are hideous. I'll need to lose weight if I'll even want to wear a dress that won't make me look huge or old. >.<

Ya know? I find this really aggravating to see this kind of attitude. If you think that thin women aren't treated badly. Think again. Size has absolutely nothing to do with abuse. As an example: I weighed in at about 130 pounds when I got married to what I thought was a nice guy. He also out-weighed me by more than 100 pounds. I finally divorced him years later after I got tired of being physically, emotionally, & financially abused. He didn't quite stop during the divorce & he still hasn't changed his abusive ways towards me (though he can't hurt me anymore, he still hurts our kids). So all I have to say is that when/if you find the right guy, it's not about size or weight. It's about how he treats you. And if he treats you badly while he's dating you, chances are it'll only get worse after you've tied the knot. Better to be happy & single than tangled up with a jerk. I learned that lesson the hard way. And btw, never thought I'd ever get married. Never had a real date in high school. Didn't have many friends, & guys just thought I was some freak. Still happened to me in college. Would that I could go back in time to my high school days...I'd relish my singleness & freedom from abuse.

I'm sorry if this seems out of place, but if that's you in the picture, you ARE beautiful. And I must say, any guy who doesn't think you're beautiful based on your dress size, is NOT the man of your dreams anyway. Find someone who loves every inch of you, even the extra ones (not saying you shouldn't take care of yourself to up your OWN self confidence, just don't do it for a man.)

PS I got married to my ex in a plus size wedding dress, and I was smokin hot if I may say so myself LOL.... Girls with curves rule! We can knock down those skinny chicks anyday! Woooo! (No offense to you skinny chicks )

My partner and I have both been previously married, and neither of us is sure we want to do that again. Instead, we're planning to get all dressed up and throw a lavish party in our own honour, without actually getting married. I think it's a win-win idea

I don't really think much of social occasions called weddings. So naturally, I don't care if other people have them. As far as I know, they aren't for me.

For my wedding i had a choice of my ex Mother In Law making my dress or spending a few thousand for a custom dress. Sucks to be over 6'3". My dress was hideous.

If i ever get married, which i doubt. I will elope and have a private ceremony.