Who's Just a Girl Who Can't Say No?

Post Reply New Topic

You know the kind that feels obligated to say yes to things even though they really don't want to do them.

I'm learning to overcome this b/c I didn't know that the word NO meant just that. I didn't want to look mean by saying no to the other person but now I'm learning that No isn't always a bad thing to say.

(Men are included too, I just thought the title was catchy.)

One of my younger cousins is, she has two babies because of it.

(I thought this was, ahem, a different topic.)

But, since you asked...

Yes, I have a bloody awful time saying 'no' to people asking me for things. The Missus is always reminding me that I can ask her to stop off and run an errand, that I don't have to do everything meself. Something about wanting everybody to like me, or somesuch nonsense.

I usually just keep changing the subject until they get frustrated and go away.

I told this story in another thread a few days ago, but it's applicable here: Had a friend once who simply would not understand that he was dropping by waaay too much and staying waaay too long and it was not appreciated. Finally hung one of those Mom&Pop country store signs on my door that said "Sorry, We're Closed." When he showed up and began banging on my door, I simply refused to answer. For over half an hour he stood there knocking and calling out (my car was in the drive). I felt like a real jerk, but hinting hadn't had any effect at all. He finally got the message, though. Good Times.

Now there's an idea. ROFL

As to saying "No," it's actually gotten easier, with my dx of AS. I have actually started to tell people that I need to process their request, and get back to them. Of course, most NTs will think that I am just saying "No" in a fancy way, and hastily back off.

My next door neighbor knows about the AS. Once, she asked me if I would feed her cats while she was away. When I said that about processing, she understood, and later came back to tell me that another neighbor could do all but four days. This I gladly agreed to, since I realized that I wasn't comfortable with the whole ten days in question. Before, I would agree to stuff, that really needed to be thought over first. And hate myself for it.

Never, never. I've got into real trouble for it too. I almost ruined the best chance in life when someone asked me to do something I shouldn't have, and I couldn't say no to him. =____= My boyfriend's helping me get better at it though, and now I don't really talk to people outside my set friendship group things aren't too bad.

I used to be really agreeable and do whatever people asked just to please them. I've been in some bad situations because of it...and man, at the time I wished I had just said No right from the beginning. Although now, I stand up for myself and my beliefs. My mother actually thinks I am really stubborn compared to how I was when I was younger. I guess it's better than being taken advantage of.

Sometimes I worry too much, and might have trouble saying no, but it depends. I can be really stubborn too.

Yeah, I tend to say: "Oh, well....I guess...um, if you really want me to...I mean...well...I dunno, I...could be ok, I suppose...mmm.." while thinking, Oh for the love of Christ please take the request back and release me from this awkward feeling, please please please please....


If the request-maker is not a mind-reader and cannot pick up on the limited non-verbal cues that I am consciously trying to exhibit, the stammering will turn into a quiet, "yeah, that's fine."

I love saying NONONONONONONO! Too bad if you don't like it
I'll be nice of course, but the message is clear!

I have SO much trouble saying no. I'm working on it.

No! I dislike this board and I refuse to talk here anymore

No stay!! !