Anyone Here Want Kids or Trying to Conceive?

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I did not say that. I said neither of us has a full time job. My husband works part time, and is trying to get a 2nd, full time job. I can not work, and until I get my Master's that's not likely to change. Which, I am working on.

Why not get a part time job too to help put away some more money before you take a very expensive plunge into motherhood? I am still concerned that you aren't quite grasping just how much it is. You mentioned before that you tried to go on disability, but the judge threw out your case, so it seems you are willing to try and seek out government assistance...but that still is the minimum, if that.


I would be scared to have a child right now, in my life, and I live on my own and have a savings and so on. I'm not done school yet, and I won't be done for a little while, but I just couldn't imagine not having everything in place and having so many variables that are fluctuating and wanting to bring a child into the middle of it all (not to mention the abusive household).


I hope you understand that we are trying to make you see how this can and will quickly spiral out of control. We cannot control all things in our lives, but trying to get pregnant IS something you can control until things are better. Why not work on getting yourself in a better place (physically and in your life) first?

Still flawed thinking. Part time job paying how much? Obviously not enough if he's looking for another job. And, if he's successful in his job hunt, he'll be working a part time job and a full time job? When will he be able to be a daddy? And since you're "working on" getting your master's, that also means that (unless you got full scholarships), you're going to be in debt from your schooling. Add that into your monthly bills. Plus, if you can't work right now (you said it's due to disability, right?), what makes you think you'll be able to do so if you get your master's? Will you magically be all right? I'm sorry, but you're just not facing reality.

I'm not trying to pick on you. I'm trying to get your tragically skewed vision corrected. Rosy-colored glasses are obviously not an appropriate solution.

I'll "magically be able to work" because jobs I can handle (at least, I'm 98% sure I'll be able to handle) will be available to me. My goal is to be a museum librarian or archivist, but I cannot do that without a Master's.

I can't handle the work-world. I do do jobs (babysitting mostly) when I can to help out. The plan is for him to work 2 jobs for a while, build up a bit of a savings, and then quit his part-time job. Not that any of this is of concern to any of you. My husband and i are thinking individuals, and are aware of facts of life. We have talks about this all the time.

And we dont' have "rose colored glasses" but a healthy respect for reality. For all our luck (I dont' have the best luck in the world) my husband could have had a steady, good paying, full time job and I could have gotten pregnant and things could have gone fine, (or if not pregnant now this could all be future-coulds) and then, after the child is born, the company could close and him lose his job, and we'd be a heck of a lot worse off than we are now. There are no guarentees in life, something we are very aware of, so we don't see a huge benefit in waiting, for a future that might never come.

Again, your deluded view of the world will affect your child. Frankly, if that doesn't bother you, you're truly not ready to be a mother.

If you mean with deluded, that their is no trust anymore into the future. You will hardly find any young person anymore that feels secure of its future, as it was in earlier times. Where I live, we are facing now major climate changes, noone knows where that will go on. Our rent system and banking are collapsing, noone knows where that will go. EURO is destabilizing, noone knows where that will go. Jobs are no more, what they were for my parents, in earlier times company took people in work for life, so my dad had three different jobs in his life. I had those already with 20...companies hire people not any more for life, they hire them for projects, and when the projects are gone, they are fired again. My partner and wanted according to expectations of our parents, first do everything done, until conceiving kids, as our parents did. But now we are already short before 35.

Times have changed. Right now our situation is ok for receiving kids, and we have some money saved and a family supporting us in emergencies. But our savings can easily be lost tomorrow, if banks are collapsing. My health insurance can easily be lost if our social system breaks, as well as the rent system can brake as well, leaving me without social care and being forced additional to care for my parents rent. Planning your life and waiting for those "perfect moment" simply doesnt work anymore. Right now as said its ok, but it could as well be, that we will be totally broke in 5 years without any chance to influence that. So at least we have it a bit better, so the house is our own, but part (roof level) of it still needs to be renewed and in case of emergency there is a well near, and we have some garden too, to plant crops. Thats the emergency plan in case of an complete social breakdown. ^^

But waiting for those superperfect moment, when you think everything is done and nothing in the future will be able to harm you, simply doesnt exist anymore. Our generation dont believe anymore in an illusion of an secure future. At least I would agree in trying to get you health insurance again before conceivin, so that you can feel safe during pregnancy.

Shaybugz, if I were you I would really look into just getting a crappy part time job just to keep some money coming in and get you out of there faster. I live in NYC, the Big Apple, where there are lots of museums, and even here getting the type of job you are considering is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, if not IMPOSSIBLE. A friend of mine has a brilliant child (with Aspergers!) who graduated college with honors and is seeking a similar job such as the ones you are describing. My friend has connections in academia (a distinguished professor in a graduate college) and is trying to use them to get his son a job, but even he (who is very socially gregarious and connected) said those jobs are just terribly hard to come by.

So please, try to have a back-up plan. Maybe a few back-up plans.

Schneekugel: Exactly! You said it better than I could (though I clumsily tried. LOL. Anyways... I'm pregnant! 3 tests now with undeniable (but faint) lines Hopefully it lasts. I'm so scared! but nausea is persistant, so hopefully that's a good sign. Hope you get your baby sometime soon! I'll be sticking around here and checking

Mikassyna- Yea.. I know. My husband and I have talked about how much of a gamble it was, but the consensus was that if some miracle works out we'll be much better off for it. And, I'm getting a dual-bachelors in Cognitive Studies so if I get majority of my functioning back, then a back-up job could work out for working with other Autistics and those of Special Education groupings. I just don't think I could handle that job now, or once I have my degree.

Apparently, someone didn't read this part of the original post:



First month's deposit is gone until it's time to pay the last month (with no access to it before that). First month's rent is gone when you sign that lease. With nothing left after that (if that's all you've truly got in the bank), how will you live? That's not expecting anything to be "perfect," that's just the basic facts of life and the most basic economic principle.

It is completely obvious that there is no "perfect." Did anyone actually doubt that? But you can't be in utter poverty and expect that your finances will be hunky-dory just because you want them to. And if you're working on improving them, that's great! But wait to have that baby. NOT until everything is perfect (to repeat...again...since people like to read part of a post and ignore whatever's inconvenient), but until you can at least make it a few months without a baby.

Many, many families live in poverty. In fact, almost all of my students are impoverished...that's part of the reason they end up in my classes. They're high school students who have failed, and for most of them, it's because they stop going to school to get jobs to help support their parents and siblings. It's tragic.

If you cannot fully support your children, don't have them. Period.

Says one illogical person to the next.

Well, if you really are pregnant, good luck to you and yours. I wish you the best (truly).

Gretchyn: Thank you for the well-wishes.

As for amount, we have enough for a little more than first months, we could get in and get settled, but at the moment 1 month won't be enough to have enough money to pay for the next, so we're still saving up until we should be ok for moving. but it shouldn't be too long.

You may be saving, but how will you keep on affording the rent? What happens when savings run out?

Can you please say again what is wrong with your functioning? I assume something non-Asperger's related? I'm sorry I must have missed the thread where you talked about that.

My guess is Welfare/Public Assistance. I don't know if Shaybugz would qualify for Disability benefits but certainly would need food stamps, especially with a kid involved. I have worked since I was 13 years old and have only been on Short Term Disability through various employers, so I don't know what bureaucratic hoops one must go through to receive those types of benefits.

I don't know how many museums are in Shaybugz's area, or if they will need a car or how they will pay for gas, auto insurance, repairs, etc. That is a whole other matter, and it sounds more and more to me that financially they are going to be in for a very difficult struggle because I think there is extremely limited understanding of how expensive a child really is, and that an employer is probably not going to be hiring a visibly pregnant woman or new mom (who has no current employment experience) as it means they will not be reliable employees.

Shaybugz, please try to manage flying solo (being financially self-reliant in your own household with your husband) before you have a kid, just so you have a much more realistic perspective of costs, if you can do that.

She doesn't qualify for disability because there's nothing wrong with her/she doesn't have a diagnosis/her medical records state she's NT. She mentioned it in a post in another thread on this very site about how the judge didn't give her the time of day and threw her case out. I believe she diagnosed herself with the online quizzes/tests listed in her signature.

This girl (and I am choosing to call her a "girl" and not a "woman") very obviously does not have a grasp on what the real world is like once you are not living in a rent-free situation where one can get by with refusing to get a job. She does not know what it is like to have a child, either, and is very, VERY unprepared. She also seems to adamantly refuse to believe that any one of us could know better than she does, and she can get by in life with just hoping things fall in place instead of, you know, actually preparing. It's very sad. Very, very sad. Especially when she has so many other people trying their very best to reach out to her and help her, but she won't allow the help or the advice.

I am going to put it out there that by now, as a med student, you should have more than just a "faint line" to determine a pregnancy. It should be definite and undeniably dark. You would be in your seventh week now? Somewhere around there by your past posts. You haven't shared any pictures with us, but going by the last pictures and what you've been describing, I am choosing to not believe you are pregnant. I am choosing this because I sincerely hope (and I don't mean this to be mean) that you aren't so you can get yourself and your life together before subjecting another human being to abuse and poverty. I also want you to have time to have all of this click that the world isn't a game. It's not something you can just will to go your way. No one here is telling you that your life has to be perfect to have a child. No one's life is perfect. But we are telling you that YOU have to grow up and be responsible enough to mother a child, and it is painfully obvious that you simply are not.