Anyone Here Want Kids or Trying to Conceive?

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Her profile says she has been diagnosed with Asperger's. Is that a misrepresentation? I mean, not that a diagnosis matters so much on here but it would be odd to lie about something like that.

I wish I could find the other thread (I will look for it), but she did say that she hasn't been diagnosed because she doesn't have medical care (because she doesn't have insurance). She took the online tests and diagnosed herself, from what I understand.

This is what I've found so far:

A thread talking about how a doctor ignored her "diagnosis" and said she is capable of working just fine:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5146926 ... t=#5146926

This one about being "officially diagnosed" but having psychiatrists throw out her diagnosis:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4649180 ... t=#4649180

This thread about how she doesn't want to work, despite doctors telling her that she is not an Aspie and she CAN work (she just doesn't want to work), and how she refuses basic mental health care because they too argue that she doesn't have Asperger's:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt197979.html

There are other posts that botch up when, exactly, she ever got a diagnosis. Some reference a few months, and then others, made within a month or so of the previous, say six months...it just doesn't add up, and I'm much too tired to comb through all of her posts.

I am thinking, though, that if many doctors are telling her that she doesn't have Asperger's, that she is perfectly capable of working (to which, she fully admitted she just doesn't want to work like adults have to do), and that a court wouldn't accept whatever diagnosis she brought to them...that it's not entirely legit.

Of course, we can all claim we might think we have this, that, or the other...and that's fine. But I'm not buying into the work sob story. She is obsessed with this need to have a child, and she doesn't want to accept the responsibility that comes with it, just as she doesn't want to accept the fact that adults have to work and sometimes do other things they don't want to do either...such as waiting for the things we want.

What I got out of her posts are she has been diagnosed twice and other doctors don't think she has it. That has happened to lot of people on the spectrum.

Funny thing is I do want to work so I do. I didn't know lot of people don't want to work but do because it's how they survive. Even people on disability want to work and are bummed out they can't. My husband was very upset when he lost his job due to his disability. It was for safety reasons because of his seizures. He even felt like a burden when he wasn't working. It sounds like to me she gets stressed out from work and can't handle it and she is trying hard.

Let me clear this up, since I have been here for a few years or something like that, and a lot has happened in that time.

When I first joined I was NOT properly diagnosed. I was working full time (and then some) in an office environment, and struggling very much. I had just heard about Autsim through reading Judi Picoult's House Rules, and was fascinated by how much it seemed to explain about my troubles, and about my life.

I did the online tests, and researched the heck out of Autism, and came to the conclusion that I must be autistic, a decision I shared with my husband, who supported me whole-heartedly and agreed to let me get a diagnosis professionally, as I was struggling with my job, and we thought with some accommodations and even time off, maybe I would be able to keep my job....

So I went to my first diagnosis (May 2011). The doctor was a neuro-psychologist and my insurance said he was the only person in 3 states that would see an adult for diagnosis. I walked in extremely nervous, having never been to a mental-helath doctor's before because my mom avoided them like the plague, and was surprised when the Doctor was affirmative, and understanding of things I felt hesitant to share. I did my best not to "act" autistic and tried to keep eye contact and all that. Within 30 minutes of talking to me, he said I would have to take the test, of course, but it was completely clear to him that I was autistic through the "musical tone" of my voice, bad modulation, and eye contact. 3 months later, I was officially handed my first diagnosis as having Asperger's Syndrome.

Unfortunately, 3 months was too long at work without accomodations which I wasn't allowed to have until I had the diagnosis. Further more, the doctor that diagnosed me and I was so comfortable with, was an inpatient rehabilitatior, and did not do counceling for outpatients at all. So I had to, once I got the diagnosis, seek out a new psychologist to help with accomodations and such, because work was very quickly spiraling out of control.

So I went to Dr. #2. This time a woman who told me she knew about adults on the spectrum, but spent most of our time together trying to get me diagnosed with something else (did not succeed as I failed all the assessments for what she gave me) and didn't really address Autism all that much, but did fill out the accomodation forms, and got me on FMLA, as well as a little extra break-time.

I continued to work for about a month, taking FMLA off as I was allowed to, until one day at the office there were about 18 people on our row that usually had 5-8 people that I knew well. I went home that night, had a complete shut-down, fell asleep, and didn't wake up until 4 hours into my next workshift.

(When I say "spiraled out of control" I was USUALLY able to keep myself together at work. But when I wasn't working, my life became increasingly nothing but sleeping. I wouldn't eat or anything, just pass out and wake up in time (or not) to get to my next work day. Survive that 5 days out of the week, and then crash terribly for the weekend which was over far too soon.)

Following that crash, I was not able to back to work the next day, and having only been given 3 days of FMLA time off a month, I called up my psychologist and asked if there was anything she could do. She said "I could try to put you on short term disability, but you'd have to pay me again." So... I told her we'd try that, scheduled an appointment, and called my boss to tell him that I would not be in, nad I was filing for short term disability. (end of September 2011).

I went to the appointment, and all the appointments required of me, until December of 2011. In that time, my psychologist asked me to see another doctor to support the short term disability, and so I went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist looked at my diagnosis papers, said I didn't have autism, and gave me depression and anxiety meds within 15 minutes of talking to me. When I came back saying no change, he upped the dosages. They never did any good, and I went off of them easily when...

(Side note, throughout the rest of September I spent most of my time in bed or sleeping, I could not go out of the house, and was easily sent into a meltdown or shut down and completely overwhelmed. My Ninny fell and shattered her hip in October, was diagnosed with lung cancer, and so, issues or not, I spent every moment I could in the hospital with her, with nurses and doctors and family, as she was given 2-6 weeks to live. Throughout her death, and the funeral stuff, I was constantly surrounded by people, but held myself together fairly well, considering. Once she was in the ground though, I returned home completely broken (she was one member of my family I was close to) and unable to do anything once more. I returned to my days of sleeping, of not socializing, and of trying to recouperate to get back to work.)

In December of 2011 my psychologist told me I had to go back to work. I was not ready to do so yet, just barely staying awake more than sleeping now, and having meltdowns still when going to WalMart for food and such, assisted by my husband. She said it's just too bad, I have to go back, and so I called my boss to talk to him. He told me if I couldn't handle it, because I worked in a legal-area, if I wanted to, he could fill out the paperwork to have me quit, send me my stuff, and I'd not have to come back ever again.

I was absolutely stressed about what to do. I knew I couldn't handle the work environment, but I couldn't very well quit work- hubby was still searching for a job after his last one had to make cuts. Still, I talked it over with hubby, who said he had a good job lead, and he knew I couldn't handle it, so I told my boss to fill out the paperwork, and thanked him for giving me that option. Of course, with losing my job, I lost my connection to medical services.

I spent the rest of December laying around, and trying to start keeping up with the apartment chores while hubby was at work. I began to cook for myself, and did about 1-3 chores a week, with a lot of continual rest. By January I was awake more hours than I was asleep, and still struggling with household stuff, so I decided, with time on my hands, to return to my love of reading, and read and review any book that caught my interest.

From January-May of 2012 my functioning showed great improvement, and I was reading and reviewing books on my blog by the day. I read 56 books by the time May rolled around. I even enrolled in school, hoping that if I can get a degree for a job I could handle, I could work some day again, and I was able to begin to keep up with most everyday chores. For the first time in 2 years, I felt like I was living again. And then... hubby lost his job because of downsizing based on senority- again. But without my working, and my site now bringing in only a random 25.00 here and there for ads, we had no way to stay in our apartment. So at ine June I went with my family (mom, dad, sister) to HAwaii because my dad is an airline mechanic and can do stuff like that, and in July we were kicked out of the apartment (though hubby now had the part-time job he has now, it was not enough to keep up in the apartment) and had to move in with my grandma's. Whose judgemental and refusal to accomodate to what I need has further regressed me back to a more-or-less non-functioning status.

In February 2012 I applied for disability, as I was starting to function, but knew I couldn't yet find work for myself. In the months between February and May, when I was denied, I saw 2 different state-psychologist, both of whom initially said I was not Autistic, and throughout the time they spent questioning me, said that I was indeed autistic, and would have "marked difficulties working". They sent me to Voc Rehab, who told me that I was not "functional enough for their program yet, but get some help, and come back, and we'll be glad to work with you". Despite all this, I was still denied disability, and had to go to appeal.

Appeal was in May of this year. I had a lawyer, who said I totally nailed the hearing with the judge. He said we'd be looking at a favorable outcome, and he's glad he could help. In June I got the letter saying denied again- because my testamony was not believable. I worked for an office environment, in the legal department, and one of the doctors that described my job wrote that I "worked for a legal law firm" and the judge saw this as evidence that I lied about my job, and disreguarded everything that I said at the hearing.

That more-or-less brings us to today. So there you have it. Diagnosed 3 times with autism. Denied disability, and why I'd complain about said denial, and struggling to stay functional in an un-ideal environment. I have never lied on here, and if you read through thuroughly, this account would be supported 100% in previous posts.

The recent post about "not being able to get a diagnosis" has to do with not getting a RECENT diagnosis, which will be needed for reapplying for disability. Since I no longer have health insurance.


Leaguegirl: Thank you for your support in seeming to understand all this. You said it pretty well for me. I DO want to work (why else would I take the gamble that is college) I just... can't right now. I truely believe, had I been allowed to stay in our own apartment, that I would be able to work today... but as it is, I can't. Too much stress, and too much socializing. So I do odd-jobs with babysitting to help when I can. And, no, today I am not able to keep up with my blog even. Though I have been doing pretty solid with my schoolwork, I've recently had to apply for accomodations there because it's getting to be too much for me too.

Ok people, the Shay over hot coal raking is going a little too far now.

Shay I'm really sorry to hear about your ordeals. I think it's terrible that you can't get a qualified doctor who can help you get what you need. I do also want to emphasize that a baby will not cure your symptoms, and that the (financial and emotional) stress, lack of sleep and hormonal fluctuations of motherhood might really render you incapable of parenting. My husband's best friend's wife is a textbook hypochondriac and she was barely able to care for her child and herself during and after her pregnancy. In her meltdowns she would go through a whole pack of sugar tests, pricking herself over and over again convinced she was turning diabetic, or had a brain tumor, or schizophrenia, or you name it. If you already have functioning or mental health troubles, chances are greater that they will worsen during pregnancy or after you have a baby. I also relapsed with my eating disorder after I gave birth and had to go to extensive outpatient counseling, taking off on short-term disability in order to get it back under control. You really must make sure you have stability before you get pregnant and have qualified mental health support afterward, otherwise everyone will suffer and motherhood will not be the dream you wanted it to be. I wish you and your family the best...

Could you explain and discuss, why you offend me as being illogical, or did you only want to offend me? Exactly what have I dont to be illogical to you? Because of me wanting to have kids? Because of me simply telling, what people around our age feel, instead of lying to you some nice "good night bed story" that isnt based on what many around our age really feel? Or simply because of me daring not to think about a topic the same way you? I didnt declare to have the ultimate truth, i simply declared the way many people of our generation feel.

I am an engineer, my partner is skilled in office works, accounting, logistics and has knowledge of general law. We have good school educations, we have good work labor certificates and recommendations from previous workgivers. We dont have a high living standard, so second hand normal cars, living in an 90 year old house we inherited from my grandaunt, and that we renew (80% done) by our own hands with my knowledge as engineer. But still we already had times, when we both were without job at a very bad moment, and were totally broke. Thats already pretty normal here for people our age. Other countries around here like Spain and Greek already have youth (-30) unemployments rates of about 35%. And thats only the official unemployment rates, the mass of young people that already have given up on finding a job around their home country, and went into foreign countries, are not even included in that number. About 50% of our young academics are leaving, just like my sister who studied medicine.

My partner and I are on the lucky side, because of us having needed skills. So normally we find new jobs "rather" fast. But lots of others simply are totally f****d up. They cannot do what you call "fully support" a children. And that different feelings you can as well see on your own saying "I didnt talk about perfect. I talk about fully support." Goddman, fully support is already everything that we expect from perfect. More we dont even expect aynmore. We do not dream of golden pools or whatever you think "perfect" involves to us. Being able to do basic simple thing like being able to "fully support" is simply already beyond perfect for us. Shall 35% of our generations never be allowed to have children and family, because of an system that was created and invented, when we weren´t even born? The stability and secureness, the generations before us took themselves to raise their kids and families in secureness, was created on mass of debts and mortgages, that we are now forced to carry, and then from our view, the same people causing that s**t, want us to forbid doing such totally normally like having families and tell us that we are not allowed to have families, and that we should renounce having kids, because of us not being anymore able to guarantee our kids perfect = fully support their life long?

Nope. We accept that pink pony time is over and that the situation isnt perfect, and that reality has catched up again. But reality tells us as well, that there might not be everything super and perfect, but still better than in 95% of the rest of the world, where people dare as well to have such crazy dreams as having relationships with partners and kids without everything being perfect. Our birth rates around here are already 1.2 for origin people, and while on one side young people like us get blamed, because of us not creating enough children for an "secure future" you get as well blamed, if you dare to have children as long as not everything is perfect = fully support. So it doesnt care what we do, its anyway everything what we do dumb, stupid, illogic and sh***y.

So if no matter what we do, we get offended and blamed for being illogic and doing wrong, then why should we not choose from the possibilities we can choose for getting blamed for, the ones that we have an desire to do for? Yop, we can as well wait longer, to get blamed as well, how much longer we want to focus on "partying" O_o, and get guilt feelings because of grandnanny having died, without seeing the grandgrandkids, she waited so long for. On one side you get blamed for not having kids, on the other side you get a ton of nowadays simply unrealizable conditions like "fully support" you shall fulfill before having kids. Because of paying attention to that recommendations and taking them earnest, we have birth rates of 1.2 because of lots of young people not daring anymore to found families and having kids, while everything is not perfect = fully support. And then therefore you get blamed as well. My partner and I are still on the lucky side, so we have much better chances to withstand the coming problems then others. So if even we shall not have children, because of us not being able to guarantee lifelong fully support, who shall? Some millionaires with a harem full of girls, that we all work for to acchieve them their richness? The "few months of secureness, not perfect" you speak of, is something that many of our generation will never acchieve, so 35% of our generation shall not be allowed to have families according to you, while on the other side the same people then blame us then therefore?

Sorry, if that sounds so illogic to you, but some of us simply dont want to agree into this. And I think its simply stupid, to live in one of the Top 20 countries of the world, while telling myself that I better never should have a family and children, because of me not being able to give an guarantee on lifelong "fully support" = perfectness. Couldnt our grandmas do as well.

So I got my positive test! Just waiting to get betas and a doctor set up now




http://imgur.com/a/eU0yO/embed - if you go there you should be able to see it.

He, happy congratulations. Hope everything goes well for you.

My partner and I had a chance fpr conceiving before holiday, but I had to work so much before, that I was totally stressed. Additionally one of my remaing wisdom teeth got infected. -.-

And the conceiving chance we had after our holiday, was ruined by a damn fungal infection, I brought home from holiday with me, while my immune system still was crashed from the antiobotica of the wisdom teeth infection and the fast climate change from beach weather to horrible *peep* cold.

My partner and I are already curious about what will be ruining our next "conceiving weekend" in four weeks.

Again, Congratulations and I wish you best.

Ick! That sucks! I hope nothing ruins it! fingers crossed for you.


I was very, very shocked and not expecting it. I had like everysign in the world that my period was coming, and just took a test, without any hold at all, as a joke to make me feel better. Well, it did make me feel better! lol. I'm just not at all happy about waiting till Oct 28th for ultrasound.... but I'm trying to get betas in the meantime.

I'm 9 weeks along with my third. I have an 8 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Will be going to the doctor next week to get some prenatal tests done (I'm 38, so we'll be doing the new blood test to rule out the three most common trisomies). We can never hear the heartbeat this early, so I'm not even going to try. I won't be getting an ultrasound until the 20 week anatomy scan. Will probably be having another homebirth, but will need to find the results of all the screening tests first. I'm not too excited yet - at this stage pregnancy just feels like a parasite has taken over my body. But if all the tests come back clear, and the morning sickness leaves for good in a couple weeks, I'm sure I start getting excited at that point.

I've gone back and forth on the idea of having kids!
My ex boyfriend and I just got back together, and we want kids together. Hopefully we'll get married October 2014 and start a family.

I have 5 kids, 7 grandkids and a GREAT grandbaby on the way. I did not know I was Autistic until I was a grandmother. I believe that being autistic affected my parenting in positive ways.

First, I was 7 years old when being a mother became a lifetime perserveration. I was horribly abused as a child and what got me through was studying books on parenting and planning for how differently my kids would be raised. And I did raise them very differently than I was raised. My kids, my grandkids, ALL kids are my passion [I had a beyond successful daycare for many years]

Did I make mistakes? OMG yes! My kids were never neglected or abused in any way but I did almost actually kill them a couple of times by taking advice in the parenting books too literally [ I will give examples only if asked.]

I did not feel that my body was gross during pregnancy. In fact I felt like the original "earth mother" and found my swelling body beautiful, and AMAZING! I mean, there was a little person actually growing inside me.

I have tons of empathy and no problems expressing affection. Also, I was able to appreciate and respect my kid's unique traits much more than I would have if I were NT.

I loved and love being a parent. I can think of nothing as fullfilling.

I wanna hear them.

Vickygleitz- Yes! I second examples! Good to know everyone made it through ok

AspieKelly: Hope all goes well with your plans! That sounds like a good time-table..

Jennica- Congrats your pregnancy, due in may?