Conflicted about not having children.

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I also think that it's pretty impressive that a young man of 15 would bother reading this thread and then taking the time to consider and respond.

Cade, I notice you didn't take exception to my own suggestion that the OP should foster a child. At 24, I am not a lot older than Michael Stuart (or at least, not old enough to be worried about kids), and my advice was pretty similar to his, so the fact that you picked on him alone seems quite sexist. As for my own suggestion, as others have pointed out, this is a public forum.

If Autisticstar wanted to hear from only middle-aged women, she could have stated so. Even now, she is also perfectly welcome to discard some or all of the suggestions here and choose something completely different

You may feel that Michael Stuart's tone was 'patronising', but many teenagers, male and female, can come across like that. It doesn't appear to be an intentional dig at older or female people. I would definitely not call it bullying.

I don't like kids and pregnancy scares the hell out of me (I consider the entire ordeal to be like having a parasite), but if you want the experience of motherhood, there's always adoption.

A pregnant coworker of mine brought up the difference between pregnancy and having a parasite the other day. She said the only difference is that in pregnancy the organism is the same species as the mother. Hehehe - I'm my mom's favourite parasite.

All medical stuff scares the hell out of me. I bottled out when I was supposed to have a blood test so I'm really not sure how I'd fare with having a baby. I'm just pathetic!

wrt this thread, I actually agree with Cade that the two posts above hers were somewhat patronizing - though my reaction wasn't as strong as hers.

Wrt. the topic:
I'm 34, and have known since my early teens that I didn't want to have kids. I have never been in a relationship longer than about 6 months, and am unlikely to be so, so if I were to have a child I'd have to either dishonestly trick some drunk guy in a bar (not exactly high-quality DNA, that) or order out from a sperm bank (quality unpredictable). I do sometimes wish for a child - mainly, I wish for someone I could teach everything I wish I had been taught at a young age, and the image my mind immediately jumps to is a child of my own whose education I could control. And I'd also like a daughter who looked a little like me - I guess the latter is the biology speaking. I am lucky in that I have a niece who lives only 5 hours away, and my brother and sister-in-law are very willing to let me participate in her life.

But I don't want to be tied to the house by the necessity of breast feeding. Like others who have posted here, the idea of pregnancy gives me the creeps, and child birth is horrible (working in a hospital, I have seen this first hand). Why couldn't we humans have been marsupials? Or, better yet, monotremes?

In any case, for those of us who, overall, don't want children, the 'not wanting' is in the rational part of our brain and the 'wanting' is in the reptilian, emotional part of our brain. The question is whether we allow our rationality to be overcome by emotions on the faith that we are wrong about what will, in the end, make us happier.

I see pregnant women as really very beautiful and pregnancy as profoundly powerful. It is stunning that everyone around came out of someone else and that there is an unbroken lineage of mothers behind every person - it makes humanity seem like one huge being. Giving birth and all the things involved physically, to me, are just things - not hideous or anything negative - they just are. I'm sort of unemotional about them, I guess. My own issue with having children might really be just me being self-absorbed. I do think that having children could clarify what love is to me, in some way, though. I read about things like a mother's love and I see how the mothers I know (most of them anyway) seem to have a bottomless well of forgiveness for their children - I wonder what that feels like.

I don't find it beautiful. I find it revolting. I'm messed up, I know.

hehehe - I don't think you're alone.

I find it morbidly fascinating. Not something I'd want to apply to myself.

I think morbidly fascinating is the word actually... I'll be really surprised if I ever end up doing it... Then again... I'll be really surprised if I ever become sexually active let alone mind get pregnant lol!

I have a child because the condom broke, but I don't regret it, LOL. I love her so much I cant believe it sometimes that I was so blessed. That said, it really is good that you and your fiancée considered all the factors like age, health, and finances. I have had some really tough times, and I feel very bad that my daughter has had to endure them with me sometimes. She certainly hasnt suffered, but I wish I could give her the moon. If the time comes that you decide to take the plunge into parenthood and conception is a problem, at least you will have had time to get your resources together for an adoption or foster parenthood. Many women in thier 40s are having babies too, so don't give up on that dream.