A question from a guy for AS females

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who knows?

more relevant questions:



you aren't too clear here. what did you do that scared her off? and .. can you be her friend without doing it?

is she really emotionally unstable, or did you actually come across as a stalker? in which case putting the breaks on things would have been a completely reasonable thing to do.

slow down.

It was the fact that I wanted to spend a lot of time with her that scared her off. And yes she does come off as quite emotionally unstable. Though it doesn't matter anymore cause as I said we pretty much despise each other at this point which is fine by me after a really hurtful letter she sent me

i'm obsessive like that too. my intensity has scared away both men and friends before. it was really hard because i didn't know a middle ground - it was all or nothing. i couldn't really handle if my friends or boyfriends had other people in their lives that they wanted to spend time with. i thought that they should want to see me every day, or close to it.

i have mellowed with age, and now when i struggle with it i remind myself of things in my head (i.e. "my friend didn't email me back that same day. it might mean she is not at home." or "if he says he's too tired to go out, that might mean that he is actually too tired, not that he doesn't like me anymore"). but i still get a bit agitated sometimes.

I have another question for you ladies.

There's this other girl that I don't want to be friends with anymore and yet I don't think she can take a hint that I am not her friend anymore. I still get texts from her occaisionally and I just wish she would figure it out and leave me alone. If she doesn't, what's the most polite way to tell a girl that you just don't want to hear from her again?

don't reply, maybe? or tell her that you have a jealous g/f that is uncomfortable with you receiving texts from this girl.

i have that exact same problem .

Ok the callus part of me wants to say "if you don't want to hear from her again... just say so, so what if it hurts her, you won't hear from her again" or tell her "you're annoying, please leave me alone"

...but that'd hurt me a lot, and I know I'd never be able to say that to someone, even if I never saw them again (just because they aren't around, doesn't mean its the right thing to do)... which always ends up in me prolonging things way longer than I should cus I dun wanna hurt them

...but just ignoring her, or giving short curt replys should cut things down "chatchatchatchatchat" one in ten messages "I see..." "I'm sorry, I'm busy right now." -- she should loose interest and back off

well, it's good you are aware of it at a young age (whippersnapper!), which maybe will help you to balance the impulse to be intense. maybe you will mellow with age too.

bnorval1, is there a specific reason why you don't want to be friends with her anymore? I mean, is there something specific, or did you just get bored with her and/or irritated?

If it is something specific that she did or does, you can let her know that it bothers you enough that you'd rather not be friends anymore. It's better to be straight up than to play the passive-aggressive "I'm just gonna ignore you" game. I know, most people do it, but I have always appreciated people who have been straight up with me. If it's negative, it hurts my feelings, but I have to admit that I gotta respect a person who respects me enough as a human being to at least be truthful with me.

If it's just a vague feeling that you don't want to spend any time with this person and would rather they just disappear, it may be better to ignore her as you have been doing. It would be awfully hard to tell somebody, "Yeah, I just don't like you anymore and wish you would stop bugging me."

You will never regret being kind, but you will always regret being mean.

I agree with Solitaire. (I love that game!) If it's something specific, maybe she can work through it and it could revitalize your friendship. Despite what some say, honesty really is the best policy.

agree with this. as someone who doesn't easily get "hints" it drives me insane when people try to communicate something to me by not communicating. first, i'm endlessly confused - anything that doesn't have an answer i can figure out by logic absolutely drives me insane. second, by the time i suspect things aren't right i feel really stupid, like i must have been doing something terribly wrong and not known, then far too oblivious to figure it out. and i don't matter enough for someone to discuss it! meltdown inducer, for me. plus, then i'm forever distrustful of that person.

when i was younger i used to ask people what was going on in these situations, never with good result, and it always made me feel even worse. obviously, i was breaking a "social rule" that everyone seemed to know but me by asking.

i just think it's cruel. let people know where they stand with you, and why. it frees them.

I had a friend that pretty much had to say " I don't want to be your friend anymore." before I would leave him alone. He had moved to a close by state but I had been calling him and he got offended one day when I asked him a really personal question. And he has AS. He's one of the ones that isn't interested in talking alot and spending time with other people.

For me, unless someone is this blunt I will keep calling. I'm thinking "Hey, you're asking for it when you just say that you can't talk and you're busy so yeah I'm going to call you back."

Not all girls are like that.

WOW! I love that dead dog story AHH so sweet!! !! I'm obsessive too! I don't know how I'd change this I had this problem with a teacher and didn't find out about an issue until I got suspended (I'm returning to that college next week) after 5 LONG years. I emailed the teacher but no reply so I guess she doesn't want to have anything to do with me which is hurtful! I'm not sure if I'd be obsessive with a guy I feel I probably would sadly. Since I have no one else and my family life is so upsetting I'd like some friends and maybe a boyfriend (as long as you don't call me honey or some cutesy name! Brandy IS FINE! (Odd I know most woman like the honey/sweety stuff) NO WAY!

I recently lost a good friend (well, I thought he was a good friend, anyway) because of this exact same issue. It's strange, though, because I don't necessarily want to call people everyday or anything. Just when I call/text/message, whatever, I tend to expect an immediate response. Even though I don't always respond immediately. It's something I'm really working on...which I tried to explain to aforementioned ex-friend but he didn't seem to either understand or want to give me a second chance...

i know what you mean i think. i expect an immediate response too, even though i also don't always respond right away. i know it isn't fair, and i have always tried to work on it.

i was absolutely at my worst from ages 13 to 17, because i was so severely bullied in school that i needed to know that whatever friend at the time really cared about me. i guess i felt safe and appreciated and loved with my friend and was scared to lose her because then i would have *nothing* in that stinking mire of horror.

I have an ex-bf, we've known each other since 1985 at college. We are both geeks, so we are close electronically if you get my drift. But if either visits the other, I can only stand him for 3 days before I feel I need my space. He always seems to want me to entertain him or something. He expects ME to always come up with suggestions of what to do or where to go.

So a long time ago we worked out 3 days was enough of physical togetherness. We are still good friends, but just can't be together for long periods as I feel stifled. Electronic connection is waaay easier.
Not sure he really understand though, cos he probably doesn't understand about Aspergers. Unless his social ineptitude means he's Aspie too!