Do you WANT to be (physically) attractive?

Post Reply New Topic

What? Is it so wrong to want to be attractive? It's only natural to want to be better. >.>

Is that a gender difference? I've never understood the value of being attractive for anything but sexual value (ie. drawing a mate). Or is it a personal blind spot, perhaps Aspie-related, that I can't see reason to be attractive to another male?

Nah, it's because society tell us that we're worthless unless we're attractive. Not to mention, it's hard to find cute clothes that fit properly unless you have the ideal female figure. :/

but it's so much more complicated and insidious than that.

if you break the rules and try to remove the focus from your appearance, sometimes there are assumptions made. you're a lesbian, you're making some kind of feminist statement, etc or you're some kind of naturalist hippie. so the focus ends up being about that anyway (and it's both men and women who do this)

what happens when you refuse to smile for someone that tells you to? it makes people angry i've noticed, like you're there to look at so they should be able to demand it of you. sure it's easier to just do it and then they go away, but sometimes i just can't or i'm angry that they should be offended because i don't look the way they want me to. i'm not on display!

we are the accessory roles - the mothers, the sisters, the secretaries, the girlfriends. the supporting characters. even in friendships with each other women don't take the lead roles. they are always talking about men.

and if you're single and decent looking (especially if you're independent - or if you're asocial) other women are threatened by you - you are like a vulture, eyeing their boyfriends (and if the boyfriends like you, it is your fault, not his fault). have a sexy body too? then you must be available for easy sex.

at least this has been my experience. maybe it is that i have so much trouble understanding a guy's intentions but all i've gotten is trouble. no matter how clearly i express the fact that i am not casual about getting physically involved, both men and women think this of me and i just can't understand it.

or maybe because i don't socialize well, yet i'm somewhat attractive and seem confident, people don't easily see my difficulties and they just think i want to screw around and have my freedom. so i can't make any relationships work and then on top of it i'm seen as some kind of remorseless temptress. men don't take me seriously and women don't take me seriously. and i don't make eye contact well so i'm distrusted. and no one tries to know me. they just make assumptions.

so i can only see this through the filter of my own experience but i don't know why someone would want to look like a model or have a perfect body. all it would do is draw the focus away from who you are.

one more thing. if you're single you always have to have an explanation for it. the assumption is it's your choice. you must be able to get anyone you want. (even if in reality they only want you out of curiosity, but don't really want you after that - a situation i have been suckered into so many times, i just can't read the signs)

i hate this woe is me type garbage but sometimes i think it would have been easier to be a man. although i had a boyfriend once who had model looks and he said everyone expected him to be more capable than he was. so maybe it's all the same.

i don't even know if i should post this pity party but maybe someone will relate to it.

I KNOW I'm physically attractive. Not many guys like me though because they little skinny minnies. I don't give a crap though. I KNOW one day a guy will love and worship my physical characteristics. Not all guys like "paper dolls". I won't date someone thinner than me though, I don't take guys that I consider "fugly" either. Neither do I like perverts. There's a guy waiting for me and I know it.

As for knowing I'm physically attractive. I live up to that. I wear makeup, style my hair, wear cute clothes and acessorize. I also have a good personality(or at least I like to think that I do).

Ha. I remember one of my moms aquatinces told me that I didn't need to wear makeup to be me. So I said "well it is me, it's not right for women not to wear makeup. YOU DON'T EVEN LET YOUR DAUGHTERS WEAR IT!! !"

I found that quite ridiculous. I'm always striving to make myself cuter. I expirement with all sorts of makeup and clothing. I always wear women's clothing unless I'm sleeping, then I wear baggy mens clothes. I wore a pair of shoes the other day and got 3 blisters in between my toes but wearing them was so worth it. I hate wearing my hair down because of a sensory issue but I do it anyway because I want to look cute.

I love my body. One of my therepist often brought up my weight as and issue. I told her when she brought it up that it wasn't. She couldn't get it through her thick skull that I love my body so my mom straight up told her "Don't talk to my daughter about it.". So she stopped.

My other physical features are quite cute as well. I have soft hair, blue eyes, clear skin, and well manicured hands and toenails.

Basically I'm attractive and don't let people tell me otherwise.

Yup. Lots of people thought I was a lesbian back in middle school just because I didn't care about how I looked and I didn't have a boyfriend. :/

I usually don't have to worry about other women being threatened by me as far as attractiveness goes so most girls like me as a supportive friend that would never steal their boyfriends because I couldn't even if I wanted to. XD

i have rarely had many female friends. i feel much more at ease with men. so i guess this has to be why too. i just wish people would stop assuming there is always sexual content. (or notice that i'm honest)

I have an equal amount of male and female friends. I'm well-liked in my social circle for having an adorable personality and saying silly things. I guess some people respect my honesty and that's worth something.

I want to be attractive. Attractive people have easier life. It's easier when you're pretty Aspie woman than ugly Aspie woman.
I like to feel healthy and pretty in my body. I prefer to be in good condition than look sick.

I think I can relate from sort of the opposite perspective. I'm not very pretty (I'm not awful-looking or anything, but I have a big nose and a long skinny face, so I'm not conventionally "pretty") and in many ways it has been a relief. I don't have to fend off unwanted attention and I can go about my business relatively unnoticed, and it was the same when I was younger. I've noticed with both men and women who are attractive (but much more so with women) that it's a burden to have strangers focus their attention on them.

I had a young female friend several years ago who was half-Asian, half-white and had long black hair, a real beauty, and I sometimes would have to walk with her to the subway because she felt so vulnerable and on display. Rather than being envious of her beauty (which never would have occurred to me anyway, because I have never yearned to be beautiful), I felt for her, because it was a genuine struggle that she experienced.

Wow, yeah, it must suck to be beautiful and attracting all this unwanted attention, only to be considered "a b***h" in a best-case scenario and be raped in a worst-case scenario.

Yes. I do want to be attractive. There was a time when I wanted to, but that it scared me--because I seem to attract the wrong kind of attention from males. Basically, for me to understand that they are coming on to me, they have to be coming on pretty strong...sometimes physically too strong if you know what I mean. Since I couldn't understand all that stuff that is assumed, I feared looking attractive and somehow causing that 'too much sexual attention' from the wrong guys. So confusing.

Now, I don't give a crap about what other people think or feel or how they react to me. I want to be attractive for me, because it makes me feel more like myself--more confident, more an expression of me. I no longer feel that I have to suppress who I uniquely am to make my stupid husband feel better about himself or so I can seem demure or malleable or 'appropriate'. I am who I am, and I enjoy being the best, most attractive me I can. I get good haircuts, color away my grays and buy push-up bras, low cut tops along with sock monkey footie pajamas and lacy underthings, high shoes and short-ish skirts. It is the sum of these things that make me feel good and attractive--I no longer fear that in myself and it feels REALLY good.

That depends on how you define "attractive."

I used to be very slim and was considered attractive by quite a lot of people. I hated it. Men only saw me as an object to lust after, and women were too jealous or insecure to want to know me. Because of my AS I found it really difficult to deal with the attention and it caused me a lot of mental health problems in the long run which I will probably never fully recover from. For a while I deliberately tried to down my looks and even make myself as unattractive as possible so that men would not be attracted to me.

I've put on a lot of weight and generally my appearance has aged quite a bit - I take a size 16/18 and in no way would I consider myself the kind of woman anyone would give a second glance at - and for the first time in my life I'm actually happy with the way I look and really couldn't care less what others think.

This. In spades.

Whenever I walk down the street or through the gym or wherever, I think this mantra: "I'm 43, stop looking at me. I'm 43, stop looking at me." That may sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but I don't mean it that way. To me it's the constant upkeep and grooming, etc., that's just exhausting. Like you're always on display. Never mind the having to define yourself, even in part, by something you have no real control over or appreciate the "value" of. And whenever I meet a man who's enthralled with my appearance, I always try to explain that this is just the way I look, it's not who I am. Of course, they don't get it.

Yes, but not really for anyone other than myself. I don't want strange people coming up and talking to me. I don't really like getting hit on, I'm already married and getting hit on by strangers makes me quite uncomfortable. But I still like looking in the mirror and saying, "Well helllllooo good lookin!"

Honestly, no, I do not want to be physically attractive.

I used to want to be attractive. Then I lost a lot of weight and changed my appearance somewhat and apparently became attractive. It annoyed me to no end how much attention I got for my looks. I felt like I was getting too much sexual attention from men (sometimes bordering on sexual harassment) and too much jealousy from women. All this attention was unwanted. I just wanted to be left alone and did not wish to attract all that attention and reactions.

Eventually I put on some weight again (for a completely unrelated reason). Now, a part of me wants to lose some weight again for health reasons, but I hesitate because of my previous experience with people's reactions to my looks.