Is this abuse?

Post Reply New Topic

Take a look at this, please@

http://blog.heartless-bitches.com/wordp ... chives/156

I am very sad for you. This man IS an abuser, no doubt. That he's periodically nice is part of his abusive cycle--he does that to manipulate you and your mother into thinking "Oh, he's not always bad." You are falling for this manipulation by thinking that way. Whatever nice things he occasionally does for you and your mother does not negate the selfish, cruel and controlling behavior he afflicts on you. He's keeing you prisoners at the mercy of his anger and rage, but he's just nice enough to you so you won't leave him. Everything in your lives revovles around keeping him happy, doesn't it? Even at the expense of your own happiness and your right to live without being afraid. Does he deserve that?

Why do you not what your friends to call child services? They care about you and have good reason to be concerned. Are you afraid things will only get worse if this man is reported?

Abusers like this man succeed by keeping their victim living in fear. I cannot make you decide to break that cycle, but you need to realize that as long as you stay afraid, too afriad to do something to stop the abuse, the abuse will continue. He's not going to stop on his own. He has no reason to--you and your mother do everything he wants you to do for him. You let him abuse you and terrorize you, and then you turn around and defend him by saying "He's not so bad." He'll never to be accountable for how he treat you that way.

You should plan to get yourself out of that envirnment as soon as you can. Please look at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline website and consider contacting them for help. http://www.thehotline.org/

THIS!! !

The very fact that you have to convince your friends not to call social services speaks volumes about the situation. Please take Mercurial's advice and call a hotline. Or confide in your friends and let them go ahead and call social services. Threats are not okay. Violent tantrums are not okay. There is a good chance if no one does anything about the abuse it will escalate. Threats can segue into actual violence. He already make you and your mom swim in a storm for f**k's sake.

Your mother is a grown woman. If she accepts his abuse, then why should you? This is my advice: Find some work but finish school. Contribute a bit of your cash to your mom for now. When the going is good, move out. Save your cash carefully. Don't get involved in your mother's personal life. Live your own life and start right now. This may sound cruel but that's the way it is. Keep minimal contact with them. Respect that guy and your half-brother until you are out of there! Just go there to study and sleep. Keep busy with your own life. Prepare for manhood - not sonhood, half-brotherhood, or step-sonhood. Be a man, you don't need your mother. Your mother doesn't need you. Think about where your life is going. Your mother already made her own life. Cut the attachment.

GammaGeek is listed as female. Otherwise, it's excellent advice!

this is actually very good advice. This is pretty much how i managed to get through it when i was in the same situation. And it worked for me.

If one of the kinds of situations you referred to in your original post occurred once, I'd say that this guy has made some kind of mistake. I would even be willing to expand that to two kinds of situations as described by you. Then I'd say talk to the guy, explain to him what's going wrong and hope that things will change.

If I remember that post correctly though, you have listed seven issues you have with the man. And most of them sound like the situation either repeated itself or evolved into a lasting problem. And at this point I would say that it does not matter anymore how nice this man can be at other times. His behaviour towards your mother (and you) seems to be a constant, even if it is less obvious some of the time.

This does not sound like somebody who accidentally put their foot wrong, admitted their mistake and managed to avoid it in the future, This sounds more like somebody who does not have his aggressions, his frustration, whatever other personal problems he might have under control and takes it out on the people he knows will take this kind of behaviour from him (as proven by the fact that you and your mother still live with him).

Honestly, I think there are enough troubles in your life already without putting up with something like this. (Not meant as an insult, but we all have our share of troubles to deal with.) YOU don't feel all right in the current situation, so I reckon if you can't solve it with your mother's help asking the authorities to step in would be in order at this point. Especially as you mentioned other kids in this family as well.
Do not let yourself be tethered in this kind of situation by what other people might think of it or by what you think your mother wants here; it is totally okay to take things in hand yourself and to make your life take a course that you feel okay with.

I can understand not wanting to upset your mother by reporting this guy, but maybe things could improve after being reported? At any rate, this guy will receive a wake up call!

God, I'm so sorry. You must feel completely trapped

This is why I want to be rich, so I can take kids away from their abusive f*cks of parents.

Are there any free councillors where you live through the hospital? Support groups for aspergers even? Some places have support workers for kids and young adults with aspergers. You could try finding out about this as well.