Clothing (not about shopping)

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It sounds like we dress very similarly! I don't think I dress "butch", but all the jeans I wear now are men's and I have a tendency for t-shirts with cartoon characters and slightly military-looking jackets. I'm pretty utilitarian. But, one of my special little interests is fashion and clothing design, though I'm not that into it at the moment. So I know exactly what flatters me and when I look for "nice" clothes I usually know precisely what I'm after before I even leave my apartment door, let alone enter a shop.

This is how I deal with it:

My clothes all fit me, are clean, and in good condition. Even the boyish stuff is chosen to be flattering. However, I have a few blouses that are simple and loose but cut so they flatter - and a blouse never, ever looks masculine. When I need to look nice but not dressy, I wear a less baggy pair of jeans and one of these. When I need to look dressy, I have one or two black dresses that I just grit my teeth and wear. While I don't think a person should ever have to change themselves to fit into society (well, with obvious extreme exceptions), there's nothing wrong with occasionally conforming for specific infrequent events.

With respect to your situation with your boyfriend - I know a couple others have said to be careful that this isn't a sign that he's too controlling. Yes, keep that in mind. But most men do like to see a girl all dressed up now and then. My suggestion is to buy a couple nice blouses and a skirt (try thrift stores if money is an issue - there is nothing wrong with thrift stores!) and when you go out for a meal, swap the Star Wars t-shirt for a plain top - something like this blouse . And if you like good food, an excellent way to get him to take you out to a killer restaurant is to promise to wear heels and a skirt - that way he's happy, and you even get to sit down so your feet don't hurt.

I suppose my advice is, a bit of subtle compromise in everyday things (though I'm not saying to do it every day!), and for special occasions grit your teeth and wear something more feminine. You don't need to replace your wardrobe or stop wearing the clothes you want, but do make an occasional concession - think of it as a "treat" for him. Just make sure that he does some things for you, too - it's a two-way street. And remember, changing a shirt does not mean changing yourself.

@greenlandgem: THANK YOU! It was really good to hear (well, read) that your tastes are similar. Your advice makes sense (and I like that blouse).

I will probably show this entire thread to my bf, so a great big THANK YOU to everyone!

There are women who can wear men's clothing and still look very sassy, and even sexy. 99% of the women in the world aren't one of them. My sister is.

We could both wear the same men's clothing outfit, and I would look like a butch lesbian, and she would look like the sassiest thing in the world. However, when I envisioned myself in the clothing I always envisioned it to look different than it would actually end up looking. You might be having the same issue.

I've found that the Gap generally has fairly comfortable woman's clothing. Their T-Shirts are usually 100% cotton and have NO TAGS and they make ones that you don't have to "layer". I think you can slowly accustom yourself to better fitting clothing.

I wouldn't call your boyfriend completely unreasonable. If he insisted you dressed like a skank, or got breast implants, I think they would be unreasonable but he's just asking you to dress a little nicer.

Actually, it's one of the early and more subtle signs of an abusive partner.

First they ask to you to dress a certain way, and as soon as you know it they're telling you who you can see/talk to and where you can go, and then it can get even worse.

I think to conclude he is an abuser at this point would be pre-mature. My aunt demanded my uncle wear khakis to work instead of jogging shorts and she wasn't an abuser.

Not saying that he or your aunt are necessarily nasty abusive people, I'm just saying this is a huge red flag.

I agree.

Wear what you want, what you're comfortable with. If he asked you to wear miniskirts and tube tops, he'd be way out of line...but love doesn't ask you be uncomfortable for his benefit. He wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable for any reason. If he already knows the clothes make you uncomfortable, then he actually is asking too much.
I broke it off with a guy who kept after me about wearing lingerie. I mean just all the time, under my clothes. It was kinda perverted, but I went along with it because I was really young and wanted to please. I hated it, hated it, then came to hate him. Just my two cents. Lingerie got burned in a pile in my driveway.
If a man didn't like certain aspects of me that truly are not important, then he doesn't want me in his life, no matter how much his self-esteem or libido depends on it.
On the other hand, if he's taking you to a black-tie party, and you insist on wearing wide leg jeans and a sweatshirt, then you might be asking too much.
Anything other than an obvious fashion fauxpas, he needs to check himself before he breaks himself. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, but I really think that the person who loves you would always want you as comfortable as possible in any situation. Look at it like this: wouldn't you feel a little embarrassed if you heard yourself say aloud, "What my friends think about my girlfriend's clothes is more important than how my girlfriend feels." It's just my humble opinion.

I wear men's clothing. And I've copped the whole why-don't-you-dress-like-a-girl crap. It was mainly said to make me appear more "feminine" so men would find me sexually appealing and admire my body (which I just don't understand the purpose for as I don't do sex), so my female relations could tell others they had an attractive daughter/sister/whatever like it was some kind of social status, or to make me fit in with the social stereotypical gende norms that my biological sex dictates in western culture, (which again is ridiculous because I'm genderqueer and don't believe gender applies to me).
If my boyfriend started to tell me how to dress, I would find it offensive. I'm not a doll. I bet he'd find it offensive if you suddenly started telling him to wear "attractive" men's clothing he was uncomfortable in. Interesting how it very rarely goes both ways.