I think NT women hate me

Post Reply New Topic

I think we all have different experiances. And be glad that NT women have never been mean to you. Yeah I think I did imply in my OP that women are very sympathetic. Yet, sometimes I think that sympathy is not always what I want. And we all want different things. Perhaps your the one who can rest in their emotional caring and sympathy. My perference is not to be emotionally cared for, for me I want someone to hear me out and provide a practical solution. That seems to be something that men are infamous for, trying to find solutions for everything which I like. As for physical attractiveness, Im not trying to be conceited by yes I've been occationally told that I am on the more attractive side considering the lack of effort I put into my appearance. Put it this way, most days Im not ugly so I really cant judge. I dont think that every single aspie female who is friends mostly with guys is attractive. That would actually be an interesting question to pose in a thread.

I wouldnt say that men only care about whats on the outside, Ive met plenty of guys who do care about the inside. Yes women do care more then men about the inside. Often times, due to the way I portray myself, women misjudge my insides and dont think highly of me. And some women even dislike my insides, I can be rather cynical. Im glad that women do like you on the inside. Like I said, we all have different experiances. But it does seem like a lot of aspie women are socially excluded by NT women and have a very difficult time finding a good NT female friend. Speaking from experiance, just finding an NT female whom Im comfortable around and can be myself is very hard.

Women (esp NTs) can be spiteful and judgmental creatures. I've learned to ignore them unless they approach me in a friendly manner.

Can you see now why girls have it easier?

Even YOU (the women here) are nagging about NT women. You can barely befriend most of them, so just imagine for a second how hard to find someone among them who's tolerant enough toward your quirks as a potential dating material.

/bye.

NT females baffle me, I cannot relate to them. I don't trust them as they always seem to be playing games. They don't seem to like me much either, I seem to make them uncomfortable. I'm much more at ease with NT men, I have more in common with them and they cry less!

I would love to have close female friends but NT women are just too hard to understand.

I don't have totally NT friends, a few NT relatives maybe. As I don't see them much it's probably easy to tolerate each other. I just met a sister-in-law for the first time this month. She's very nice and kind. Although she can already tell I'm different from "other people". Honestly I'm impressed that she did not find me "shocking" or "possessed by aliens". I have no doubt that she'll not try to understand or become friend with me, just at a reasonable distance for a relative. That's just fine with me. I haven't had a BFF for 15 years and can live without one.

Yes I am terrified of NTs for their natures. I can also relate to a lot of what you have said about NT females. Luckily since I am not so terrible looking, I used to rely on male friends for these types of comforts you speak of.
I have been back-stabbed by NT females in the past for number of times. I simply think they operate in this world completely differently. They certainly are not the “angelic-beautiful creatures” sent from Heaven. Let me say that one more time. They certainly are not the “angelic-beautiful creatures” sent from Heaven.
If the comfort or Kindness they offer is not the genuine one nor long-lasting one, I believe I can live without it. I do look for Long lasting friendship and quality relationships without constant arguing or dramas I bet most men on here can relate to this so whole-heartily.
I guess Life can be scary and dangerous place for some people and I think that include people with ASD. But this reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite film, White Oleander, when the daughter spoke of her “artist” mother, She said somewhere along the lines of, “Being with a dangerous person like her has been the only time I felt truly safe”

I once heard an interesting hypothesis that postulates a more primal objective. Before civilized society - and well-after, even - the only way women could survive the harsh conditions of earth without reshaping the land itself was to rely on the social network formed by women of the same tribe. There's a very real benefit of hive-mind knowledge about the various aspects of how to go about living. If one member realizes that tart berries tend to be poisonous, they will pass that knowledge to their children and the rest of their group. The same goes for sewing a pelt weave that won't fall apart to keep yourself warm, how to prepare a certain part of an animal for consumption and how to care for a child. If one were to become distrusted by the others and cast out of that network, they would not have access to this extra knowledge. It was like a death sentence. Just one of these and many other issues is enough to kill.

It holds consistently for what is known of men as well. Not only do they have a greater chance of survival due to the ability to hunt, but what if they discover a new tool or way to trap an animal that gives the rest of his tribe a distinct advantage? That 'awkward aspie' is probably the one who came up with the flint knife in the first place.

so basically our social isolation is the equivalent of being cast out for death by a tribe of female neanderthals? now I like them even less...

Not..quite...

No one should assume the precise intent of either early hominid or modern women. There was a general goal that exile is supposed to achieve, though - increase the likelihood of that woman to 'fail'. Whether that be death or simply making life much harder for them, they at least want their enemy to meet their ends less successfully than themselves.

I guess you can say they want you to "die" as a successful human being or threat to their own position in society and still satisfy the abstract that this hypothesis proposes while still supporting your specific case.

I don't get along with most NT women, but the ones I have befriended and consider close friends are intelligent, open minded and honest. I think it's just a matter of finding women that aren't caught up in trivial things most others are.

Tony Attwood talked about the concept of "mother hen" in his book on females with asperger's. I find it nonsense and a generalization. I believe that these so called mother hens are usually narcissisits and they derive narcissist supply out of "caring" they provide to us. We should have only those NTs as our friend who are forgiving and match our special interest (generally it is possible only with those aspies who are intelligent like me ). These intelligent NTs would not ditch us for a narcissists. We should not forgive who ever behaves badly with us, in that we should at least respond passively by severing ties or only be formal in case it is not possible to sever ties, let say the person is you colleague. Some of us might want to take active revenge, like me.

I don't have any female friends..... The girls at school would be my friend, then turn on me, then be my friend again.

I learned not to trust females..... they are dodgy and lie.

In the adult world now, I shield myself from them out of instinct and don't let them get to the real me.

So I basically get ignored because they want something that I refuse to give. (cannot give)

I have a couple of female friends. One is arguably neurotypical, and two others I am certain are on the spectrum somewhere.

The neurotypical one tells me stories of how her neurotypical "friends" behave and I'm like "Girl, you need better friends." (Particularly since some of these girls have stolen from her).

I can pretty much spot a faker a mile away, as I've pretty much had to train myself to spot insincerity. But it has to be a certain kind of faker. More subtle ones or ambiguous ones still raise my alert but I can't always be sure.

But the biggest reason I don't have a lot of female friends is we don't share very many interests. It's one of those "NOTHING IN COMMON!" things.

As for guys, I know like ONE autistic one. That's it. And he doesn't live closeby, and he comes from pretty far away. Historically I haven't gotten along with ANY guy (and there were no autistic ones in school that I could see, in retrospect).

I have another (well, additional) theory as to why NT women may not like non-NT women, especially ones that are "tomboyish". They may be suspicious that the non-NT behavior (be it outright tomboyish or not) is a ploy to get near their men and "steal them away."

But I thought most straight NT guys arent into tomboys? I learned this a couple years ago that if your weird or tomboyish, your automatically "friend zoned". Unless your talking about the women who exhibit non-NT behavior part of the time yet turn on the "female charm" the other part of the time. Then yeah, guys will be attracted to you. But you cant be an outright weirdo and/or tomboy. I only learned how to put on the female charm recently. Otherwise I'm mostly weird, off beat and a tad tomboyish.

It makes as much sense to pigeonhole NT women as if they're all this way as it makes sense to pigeonhole those on the spectrum as if they all behaved in the same way.

I don't actively comfort someone, at least not in the way society "expects" women to do so. I am about as touchy feely as your average potted plant. I feed people to show I care, or I drive them to doctor's appointments. I do not touch them and I do not get all gushy on them.

I am not the type who will actively hate you, because life is too short for that crap. If I dislike you for some reason, it might be your fault -- and it might be mine. It might be both of us just have a personality clash. Either way I wouldn't hate you. I set my limits and keep my distance. I don't go after people and there's not anything to be gained by being mean to people just to be pissy about things. There are people who have seriously wronged me. I still don't hate them. I just keep out of their circle of influence and you know, maybe karma can deal with it. It happens.



I've been treated the same way, and I'm an NT. I happen to be an (in Myers-Briggs parlance) and INTJ, which basically means I am more interested in ideas than in Feelings and tend to come off as very distant and analytical.

Society has decided for all women that we must be gushy emotional beings that all like pink and cute and fluffy things, and being analytical...well now it's not like we actually have as many BRAINS so seriously how can a woman be analytical! It's too "mannish" to be analytical.

Plus, generally we bear the kids, so supposedly that means we all have to be touchy feely or we will be just awful mothers.

Bah, humbug.



Sure. It's not at all an NT phenomenon to begin with.

It's just a human phenomenon that people tend to expect other people to act as they do, and to think the "right" way is the way they would act.

Problem is, the "NTs" in the Myers-Briggs sense (also known as "Rationals" in that context) are a minority among humanity.

That doesn't make the rest of humanity right and us wrong. It doesn't make us right and the rest of humanity wrong.

If it means anything, maybe it's just that while "Rationals" have a part to play in the progress of humanity -- so does everyone else who operates differently. And maybe humanity wouldn't be doing as well if there were too many of us.

One of the most interesting things I've seen since reading here (which hasn't been that long) is how much overlap there is between some behaviours of "Rationals" and those on the spectrum. (And some of you could easily be in both of those.)

Common behaviours among "Rationals," especially the ones that are introverts as well, include:

- being too honest and blunt
- taking things literally
- staring
- not being very good at small talk
- not being to fond of social occasions
- not picking up on normal social cues or body language
- being wholly focused on a topic at the expense of other things and to the consternation of those around you

There are others.

There are other behaviours of those of you with aspie's that I don't share. And it seems that while some behaviours I had when I was younger, the extent wasn't as much, and I could learn my way out of it fairly easily.

But then I was thinking, why do we have some of these behaviours in common? And it occured to me:

I don't pick up on normal social cues mostly because they don't interest me and I just don't care about "being normal", so I haven't learned. Perhaps for someone on the spectrum, it's not that they don't want to, but it's just way more difficult? *shrug* I'm not in your position, so I can't really know.

What puts someone on the spectrum and makes someone else neurotypical but having a personality type that isn't common and that just happens to be often misunderstood or not appreciated?

Most of us have a problem with anybody who is fake or lays their sexuality on too heavily, whether they are male or female. I have a hard time with both super-frilly women and super-macho men, although I try to guess at their fears and motivations so I can be less judgemental. To be honest, I haven't been very successful at that. sigh.
But I think lots of times there are really nice shy quiet types that nobody notices, maybe because they aren't real bubbly or attractive. Maybe they are overweight, or stutter, or aren't very athletic or funny. But they turn out to be real gems of honesty and loyalty and tolerance. Give some of them a chance, and you might get a real great surprise.