If you're an attractive young woman with Aspies

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As male, I have to confirm, that women with AS can be attractive. Well, I cannot be objective as an aspie, but I can infer it from the behavior of my NT colleagues. Socialized and experienced aspie female can be even more attractive to NT males than any NT female.

The reason is very simple. In the real world, men don't really care about the women look or clothing, if it fits generally accepted template. It basically means, that if woman is not considered as ugly or bad dressed by society, it's OK for most of the men from the same society. Women which naturally fit this template don't have to waste their time and money to look more beautiful. It makes no difference in the men's point of view. Physical beauty is important compound of female attractivity, but to be honest, the pheromones have the last word in most of the cases. From the men's point of view, ideal woman is just a tool for housework and sexual sensation. Typical NT female behavior declines from this ideal and NT males usually have to suffer, in order to have a sex with them. The aspie women behaves virtually closer to the men ideal mentioned above and they use to attract older and experienced men.

Despite of this, women with abnormal pheromonal activity are more attractive without any visible reason. According to my research, every man in 10 meter distance is reacting to their pheromones and the man located under 3 meter radius can be easily picked up. This is independent of age of the man and the physical and social properties of the woman. These women usualy don't understand the nature of their ability, but they enjoy exploiting it. They also usually take care about their physical look, in order to attract men bellow 3 meter distance. However, such pheromone driven social interaction was systematically suppressed by human society and individuals described above are rare. Pheromones are still playing important role at the beginning of most relationships, but they are not dominant force.

The real problem of aspie females is to maintain relationship. Long-term relationships need state-of-the-art social interaction and this is tough even for NT couples. This is very important, especially for women, thus AS is affecting their life more than it looks like.

Attracting men is easy and requires almost no effort. You just have to look reasonably good. That's the way most men are wired. And many men will find an aspie woman refreshing for her lack of coyness and games (at least initially, though the charm of that can wear off quickly). Sexual satisfaction? I'm not entirely sure what is meant by this question, I assume you're asking about having sex with a partner and achieving orgasm? Once again, not even slightly difficult (for me at least) and certainly I've never heard that being anorgasmic has any relevance to having AS. The difficulty for aspie women (as has been pointed out previously) is not sexual; the difficulty is in maintaining relationships beyond the initial physical stage. Of course, I can only speak for aspies like myself, and not on behalf of those who are asexual, who I would guess have problems with the physical as well.

His profile says he has a 'family member with AS'. I smell troll...

And I do have problems keeping relationships... getting guys isn't the problem... its the sexual and emotional aspects of relationships that are the hardest to attain.

2. Personal attacks.
This includes insinuation, ridicule and personal insults, regardless of whether direct or indirect. Attacking an opinion, belief or philosophy is acceptable, but attacking the person making the comments is not.

"I smell troll...."

cross the line and falls under "This includes insinuation .... regardless of whether direct or indirect."

Adios.

That may be true, but it would be more appropriate to privately notify a moderator about your concerns.

I think you should enforce forum rules. Set an example.

I think you should stop trolling womens discussion and think about what you post before you post it. It's obvious you're a troll.

I'm no longer willing to give him the benefit of the doubt either....

Indeed.

Anyone know if he's posted to forums other than Womens'? If so, was it equally perverted?

Just curious.

You've made a really good point. In light of the fact that I'm having trouble in my marriage (which I personally attribute largely to AS) what advice would you have?

He has posted something about aspie women in the Love & Dating thread.

Well, at least it's on topic in that thread. Didn't read the post tho so I can't say if it is perverted or not...

I have guys AND girls hitting on me ALL THE TIME.


-SpaceCase

Haha This one made me laugh. "but to be honest, the pheromones have the last word in most of the cases. From the men's point of view, ideal woman is just a tool for housework and sexual sensation. Typical NT female behavior declines from this ideal and NT males usually have to suffer, in order to have a sex with them. The aspie women behaves virtually closer to the men ideal mentioned above and they use to attract older and experienced men."


Oh, that is funny. First off, I don't know about the rest of them, but I flat wouldn't notice if my husband, or anyone else for that matter, fell over dead of starvation in front of me. Nor, would it once enter my mind to do the housework. I couldn't even tell you what was used to do it or where to locate it. The same with food. I don't have one clue what there is to eat in my house and my relationship with my refrigerator is to stick my glass in the door and get ice. Yeah, we have a really BIG relationship going on there. Point in case, my brother once said, "Oh J, you quit smoking." I looked up because I hadn't noticed that. "When did you quit smoking?" my brother asked. My husband answered, "Two years ago." They once had my nephew stay with me while my husband transferred to a new city. I was waiting on my transfer. This 18 yr old kid with a normal mom lost 30 lbs the first month because I guess he was waiting on me to give him something to eat. That effectively ended him staying with me. To say I'm not domesticated or nurturing would probably be a huge understatement.


Having said that, men always fell all over themselves to get my attention and take care of me. It's always been that way for me. As soon as I went to college and had to do my own laundry, I stood in front of the washer and just started pushing all the clothes in. A guy in the laundry room actually came over and did my laundry for me. Happened all the time.

I didn't have problems with them wanting me or wanting to have relationships with me. It was more the other way around. I didn't have sex until I thought, Gee, I should have sex if I'm writing stories about humans that have it. Then I did a completely Aspie thing with a completely NT guy. I just went up to him and told him that's what I wanted, which of course was no problem, nor did I think it would be. (I wasn't a total idiot, I knew who he was and he was friends with all of the people in my dorm.) But, as soon as it started, I just said, "No, I don't like this. Get off." It makes me laugh every time I remember his poor face. He was so shocked. But, I really didn't like it (of course, I knew intellectually what it meant but nothing else so I'm sure it WAS bad), so I didn't want it. End of story. Well, he didn't like that, so I threw him off and pushed him out the door. The second encounter was like nine months later when I decided the same thing and picked a boyfriend. It didn't go any better but at least he and I laughed about that fact that we obviously had zero sexual chemistry and it had taken all that time for us to figure it out. We remained good friends and he even found my husband for me. I finally got it right with my old high school boyfriend, but I think it messed him up because he was emotionally attached to it and I was not at all. I was very much an observer as well as a participator. So technically it was probably good, but I had zero emotional interest and I got up immediately after and left him without a word. That unfortunately happened at least a few more times between us. He still calls my mother asking about me.

I don't know. Sex is sex to me and has nothing to do with a relationship other than they can exist simultaneously. I don't even want to know what my NT husband thought. He took care of everything and he was very attractive to me and I liked sex with him. That to me was grounds enough to just stay with him. He was much more emotionally involved with me. It took three years for me to feel that I loved him and for two of those we were married. He certainly wasn't there for the housekeeping. LOL Well, he is OCD and I do put stuff back where he tells me it has to go. I also don't mess up his order or clean incorrectly (he does that and he has this whole system he thinks everyone is supposed to use but stupidly doesn't). So, I guess we're just both bizarre, but our bizarreness fits together or at least it seems that way. He is definitely into a cerebral as well as physical relationship so we're well matched that way. As for the long term, we've been married 25 years, which is longer than most NT/NT couples make it.

I think if anything, he wishes I was more emotive. He remembers anniversaries and Valentine's day. I'm the one who is always forgetting what day it is. I think those things are hard for him, but overall we're well matched.


Anyway, physically? I'm short, slender but busty, have blonde hair, long lashes and full lips. Maybe I just look like I would be domestic? That still wouldn't account for why they all wanted to take care of me.


Maybe I'm just an aberration. Then again, I'm not too social either, so I don't really care.

You found the answer yourself. Aspie women are not domestic at all, and they are completely unusable for sexual sensation either. The point is that they look like they are. Well, NT males usually have no clue how to recognize their ideal, but after some experiences they know that she has to be different. Aspie women usually behaves much different at the first sight and that's the hint for them.


Pretending being careful is just obvious first step how to attract woman attention. This technique is used by most NT men and it's amazing that one can catch NT women into this trap so easily (I already tried it). Unfortunatelly this doesn't work in case of Aspie women, who simply doesn't understand what's going on. The proved technique is to let Aspie woman talk about her obssesion and pretend interest. This actually works but there are not many males able to survive it.

By the way ZanneMarie, after couple of months spent on Wrong Planet, you are the first one who deserves my attention. I'd like to stay in touch with you.

Chimpy,


I would have agreed about pretend being careful and do agree about the NT men (and the lack of comprehension of the NT females for the most part), except that with these men it is ongoing with this need to take care of me. I'll give you two examples that really highlight it. First that I've been married to a NT man who has done it for over 25 years and second that I had a male employee (who looks remarkably like my husband) who did it for four years while Ihe worked for me. I think with me, I attract a certain type of male and they want to dominate and control their environment. Since I'm an Aspie, I don't notice it (because I am absorbed in my work or interest). That allows them to do that - right down to what I eat and how much of it because they are putting it in front of me and telling me to eat. It's symbiotic. They are also too OCD to want to be around children themselves so they don't care that I have no desire for them. They're always intellectuals as well so they like that I have a brain and use it. It's attractive to them. That's what I've found anyway.

In general though, men do take care of me for years on end. Like they would a little sister. And they all know there's no hope of babies or any kind of nuturing here. Perhaps it's an Aspie thing, but I just say it when they ask why I don't have any kids.


You find that Aspie are unusable for sexual satisfaction? That is your experience or observation? I can only speak to me. I'm fine if I am comfortable with the man. If anything, I would say that is better than normal for my husband and I because we have no kids so we aren't constantly tired and distracted. It is, however, something of an artistic and intellectual thing for me. And by the way, for me, they have to satisfy me as well or I will dump them. I have no qualms about that and never did. I don't mean that I would wait to do it either. I mean that I would stop it right there and walk out. I'm pretty hardcore that way. I won't waste my time on things that aren't going to work for me.

And all that explains why I stay with my husband, plus the fact that he will look at fractals with me because he likes them. We've always had plenty of shared intellectual interests. He's very intellectual himself.