Do you want to have children?
Another reason is that I am not completely sure if I would be a really good and stable parent which is what children deserve and need most of all. I have seen too many examples of people who don't handle parenthood well at all and I don't want become one of them. Not for my own sake but for the sake of the (hypothetical) children.
Yes, exactly. Everyone on both sides of my family has some form of neurological disorder, be it depression, anxiety, OCD, or me with my ASD. Even if the father was totally normal, I don't want to risk giving birth to a child who would grow up as miserable, lonely and difficult as I was as a child (and still am, though a bit less so). I don't think I would be a good parent, either, and it's unlikely that I'll ever get married, considering my lack of appeal to the opposite sex, so raising a kid myself would be extra rough. But if I did decide I wanted children and had the means to raise them myself, I would adopt--there are many kids already born who need homes.
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
I've never wanted children. I adore my nephews, but that is a totally different game to being their mum and having to raise them and care for them day-to-day.
Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.
I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.
Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.
I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.
I don't regret having children either but it is feels like a painful decision to make sometimes. Therefore I sympathise with your situation, especially since it is due to circumstances that you didn't have them instead of a conscious decision.
If I would have been selfish and thoughtless I would have had kids by now. I sometimes feel that I am missing out on the most important thing that can happen in ta woman's life. I always wanted to be sure that I would raise children in the best possible way and since that has not been the case so far I just decided not to do it.
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
Even so, I'm finding things a little sad right now. I'm 32 and have had T1 diabetes since childhood and I was told years ago that getting pregnant after 30 was very high-risk, to my health moreso than the baby's. Plus now, following blood tests I had before Christmas, my doctor thinks I could be pre-menopausal and if so the time to get pregnant is running out full stop, risky or not.
I don't regret not having children but I do regret the way I've been single (not through choice) since 20 and have never met anyone I'd want to have a child with, let alone actually sit down and have the discussion on whether we have children or not. Childfree was my choice but now it is what fate has forced upon me. And that's quite difficult to deal with.
I don't regret having children either but it is feels like a painful decision to make sometimes. Therefore I sympathise with your situation, especially since it is due to circumstances that you didn't have them instead of a conscious decision.
If I would have been selfish and thoughtless I would have had kids by now. I sometimes feel that I am missing out on the most important thing that can happen in ta woman's life. I always wanted to be sure that I would raise children in the best possible way and since that has not been the case so far I just decided not to do it.
Thanks. It is tough when we don't get the chance to make a decision but rather have to go with what fate has in store.
There is just no way I could have a child now. I don't have a steady job, I temp through an agency, there are weeks I don't have work and need to claim benefits, and I'm not entitled to maternity pay. I live in a houseshare and enjoy it and like my housemates, and if I had a baby I would need to move, and where to? There isn't enough social housing for everyone that needs it, we could be in temp accommodation for years. I don't have family nearby to help. My horrible suicidal depression has stabilised thanks to a new course of ADs and I'd have to come off those if pregnant. And what if diabetes complications in pregnancy left me disabled with a baby to care for? That's before we get to the fact I don't have a boyfriend of any kind, even if I did I wouldn't get pregnant on purpose without his agreement, and I wouldn't want to use a donor and bring a child into the world without a dad. I realise parents can be happy together and separate later down the line, but I wouldn't start out as a single mum by choice.
But then again, if I met the right man and we decided we wanted to raise children, there is adoption, surrogate mothers... Probably better given my health conditions that I don't go through with pregnancy and clearly my genetic material isn't all that great, so I'm not desperate to pass it on.
So yes, the way the dice have fallen, I will never have children that are my own flesh and blood - but I don't think that really matters. Plenty of parents love their stepkids & adopted kids just as much. And maybe I'll be Auntie to every little one around, getting old disgracefully, gin drinking, purple hair, scarlet lipstick & 15 cats, setting the bad example!
NO! I am sure I would be a bad mother (can't stand noise, need tons of alone time), and my health is bad. I don't want to pass on anything I have or am at risk for. Plus, pushing a kid out a tiny hole, no matter how stretchy it is, kinda sucks, so does the alternative of having ur stomach split open.
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MONKEY
Veteran
Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)
I have a strong urge to have them (biological urge). 'but don't think that I ever should. My mental health sucks (so I would be-able to properly look after them), even if it improves, there's a good chance that my health could get worse after a couple of years after having the child. Also, there's a good chance that I could pass on many of my mental health issues to them, and I really don't think that it's a good idea to bring any child into this World when it's so cruel... especially a child who could have all sorts of issues. Also, looking at the way things are going, (the World becoming more intolerant of differences ect.) the World is only going to become a much harder place to live in with time.
i have a kid, in india there is arranged marriage system and soon after marriage people expect you to have 2-3 kids
but seriously i dont know how to handle myself and i have a tough time dealing with the kid
often i feel i should run away from home or end up my life
its too much of a work
and there is no social support
most of the people from my dads family are in mental institution
my moms side people are reclusive and not in touch
and my hubby's side people are outgoing and overboard
and somewhere im sandwiched between gods knows what
i give up ![]()
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aspiekelly
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 2 May 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 176
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Not really. I think mine and my boyfriend's babies would be cute and smart but I don't think that's justification for throwing away my career, ruining my body, sex life and self esteem, or the 24/7 care they need. I don't think I'd make a good parent.
IF I decide to have a child it will be ONE child AFTER we save enough money for the birth plus the corrective surgery on my stomach, breasts and vagina.
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"More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion." - Harvey Milk
I always wanted kids, and have gone on to have two boys who are ages 6 and 9. I always respected people who chose not to have them, because I think people are entitled to their beliefs, but I didn't truly appreciate why people would choose not to have them until I had my own. I adore my children. They are sweet, smart, funny, etc. However, when I've having really bad days dealing with my sensory issues the sounds of their voices can really just grate on my nerves. I would often feel burnt out when they were babies and needed all that attention. I like to cuddle, but only on my terms, so I would often be touched out by the end of the day. I never made them cry it out at night, but there were times when I would be afraid I'd lose my cool and would just have to put them in their crib or playpen and cry myself out in a corner. Now that they are older they can understand when I need a little bit to myself in a dark room if I've had a bad day at work.
