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Schneekugel
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22 Mar 2013, 7:01 am

I know of such guys too, but was always whondering how on earth you will ever be able to have an relationship with someone you cannot even manage to be friends with. So sure, you cant be a friend with everyone, and there is more in an relationship then freiendship. But "more" in a way, that means for me, that frienship is the basement of sympathy, which is again the basement of having an relationship. I cant imagine how to have a relationship with someone I dont like. O_o So sure loving is more then liking, but how should I love someone I dont like?



Wandering_Stranger
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22 Mar 2013, 7:47 am

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. In my case, he might just be trying to be friendly. I hope it's the latter. Wouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with him, apparently. (met him at an Autism group and we're not allowed to have relationships with each other)



Fnord
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22 Mar 2013, 12:46 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Keniichi wrote:
How do you tell if a man likes you?
I talk to women that I like, and ignore the rest.
But what if she is really nice and you get along, but you are not physically attracted. Would you ignore her? Even though you could become great friends.
f I like her, I will talk to her! Don't over-analyze this. Physical attraction has nothing to do with liking someone - lust, however, is a completely different matter.
Well, I know a guy that won´t spend time with women if there is no prospect of having a relationship (where physical attraction is important). He sais he won't even bother to strike up a conversation with time and he can't have women as friends.
Schneekugel wrote:
I know of such guys too, but was always whondering how on earth you will ever be able to have an relationship with someone you cannot even manage to be friends with.

Lots of people hook up with others just to have sex (Google "One-Night Stand"), when they would otherwise not hook up with them at all.



ShamelessGit
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22 Mar 2013, 4:04 pm

You might try looking on the internet. I'd imagine that the internet knows more about this than most people on this site.



Cuckooflower
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23 Mar 2013, 11:20 am

Can you just be attracted to someone's aura? What do people think?

And vice versa?

Like an energetic thing?

I have experienced this.

I'm not saying to the exclusion of physical attraction, but I mean it fuels the whole thing.

Thoughts??


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uwmonkdm
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23 Mar 2013, 12:17 pm

If I spend more than 5 minutes talking to you then you've probably got my attention.
Being asocial, I don't talk to men if there's no reason to, and I only talk to women I'm interested in or might want to be friends with.



Fnord
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23 Mar 2013, 7:03 pm

Cuckooflower wrote:
Can you just be attracted to someone's aura? What do people think? And vice versa? Like an energetic thing? I have experienced this. I'm not saying to the exclusion of physical attraction, but I mean it fuels the whole thing. Thoughts??

Define "Aura", and keep in mind that I'm standing ready to debunk any claim that is not backed up by empirical science.



Cuckooflower
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23 Mar 2013, 9:01 pm

Fnord wrote:
Cuckooflower wrote:
Can you just be attracted to someone's aura? What do people think? And vice versa? Like an energetic thing? I have experienced this. I'm not saying to the exclusion of physical attraction, but I mean it fuels the whole thing. Thoughts??

Define "Aura", and keep in mind that I'm standing ready to debunk any claim that is not backed up by empirical science.


I happen to be very highly intelligent, but I also received almost no schooling in my life, and am not educated. I am only self-educated.

I do not have the science background to empirically define what I think an ''Aura'' is.

I knew someone would take exception to this.

But all I can say is this;

I believe we are physical beings that communicate on various different levels. I personally happen to be very highly sensitive, meaning my nervous system etc. is more hyper-tuned-into my environment than some other humans (look up the HSP theory, or it is just part of being Aspie in many cases). I pick up more easily on the energy/vibes that other people are giving out, mentally and physically (same thing; our brains and bodies interact continuously in unison. We are single organisms, we just describe all our organs and functions as seperate so we can speak about them).

I happen to believe in Auras. I usually don't mention this to people if I think it will be dismissed, as I cannot be bothered to get into an argument (like this one) about it, as it is just an easy way for me to describe the feeling I have about someone's physical presence, and how they make me feel.

I suppose that, in a nutshell, would be what an Aura is. Someone's physical presence and the flavour of it, the energy surrounding them, the FEELING that they give off.
This is all stuff going on BELOW THE INTELLECTUAL LEVEL. Hence the sayings:
Gut instinct
Trust your gut
Feel it in my bones
etc. etc.

These sayings exist because things below reason and at the intuitive (e.g. purely physical, sensual, instinctual, sensing, feeling) level are going on between people, and that is what I mean by asking;
Can you just be attracted to someone's Aura? E.g. that energy they give out.

In answering your question however, I have somehow managed to answer my own.

The answer is;
Well, of course. I think some connections can be mind-blowingly powerful between two nervous systems, and it is not about immediately apparent attractiveness/attraction.

Cf


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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 24 Mar 2013, 12:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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23 Mar 2013, 10:39 pm

"Auras"...

Your response to another person you've just met is usually instinctual, which means that the part of your mind that bypasses conscious reasoning is prompting you to react favorably or unfavorably to someone else - such as when a mother "just knows" that the man her daughter introduced to her is a worthless and abusive jerk - some part of her mind recognizes behavioral cues that prompt her to react unfavorably to her daughter's boyfriend.

You are likely responding to subliminal cues that part of you mind has learned to recognize, and the rest of your mind fills in the gaps with imagined sensations and confirmation bias.

On the other hand, you may also see auras if you have a migraine, a certain form of epilepsy, a visual system disorder or a brain disorder. These auras, however, are somewhat different from the kind encouraged by most aura training exercises. These involve staring at an object placed against a white background in a dimly lit room. What one sees is due to retinal fatigue and other natural perceptual processes, not the unleashing of hidden psychic powers. Something similar happens when you stare at certain colored or black and white patterns. Vision is not the verbatim recording of the outside world. When looking at a colored object, for example, the eye does not transmit to the brain a continuous series of duplicate impressions. The brain itself supplies much of the visual perception. In short, even if auras are perceived, that is not good evidence that there is an energy field in the physical or supernatural world corresponding to the perceptions.

And as always, Belief Proves Nothing.



Cuckooflower
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24 Mar 2013, 1:04 am

Fnord wrote:
"Auras"...

Your response to another person you've just met is usually instinctual, which means that the part of your mind that bypasses conscious reasoning is prompting you to react favorably or unfavorably to someone else - such as when a mother "just knows" that the man her daughter introduced to her is a worthless and abusive jerk - some part of her mind recognizes behavioral cues that prompt her to react unfavorably to her daughter's boyfriend.

You are likely responding to subliminal cues that part of you mind has learned to recognize, and the rest of your mind fills in the gaps with imagined sensations and confirmation bias.

On the other hand, you may also see auras if you have a migraine, a certain form of epilepsy, a visual system disorder or a brain disorder. These auras, however, are somewhat different from the kind encouraged by most aura training exercises. These involve staring at an object placed against a white background in a dimly lit room. What one sees is due to retinal fatigue and other natural perceptual processes, not the unleashing of hidden psychic powers. Something similar happens when you stare at certain colored or black and white patterns. Vision is not the verbatim recording of the outside world. When looking at a colored object, for example, the eye does not transmit to the brain a continuous series of duplicate impressions. The brain itself supplies much of the visual perception. In short, even if auras are perceived, that is not good evidence that there is an energy field in the physical or supernatural world corresponding to the perceptions.

And as always, Belief Proves Nothing.



That's all fair enough indeed.
Like I did kind of say (briefly), I personally merely use the term ''Aura'' to describe the vibe that I get from people, and the way they make me feel. I find it sufficicent in this sense, and it works well as a summarising word for me.
I do not attribute any New Age or otherwise belief system to it as such.
It is just as you said, the ''just knowing'' sensation. But some people are more naturally in-tune to this stuff than others, and therefore more affected by other people as a result.
I am one of those individuals, and I have become accustomed to using the term ''Aura'' because I am so aware of and affected by other people's inner-workings and energies on a daily basis. It's just a useful short-hand.

That's not to say I am as rabidly pro-Science and anti-Spirituality as you; I'm not at all. I'm pretty skeptically open-minded, and decide all these things alone in the end. That's how I like it.
I like a whole range of ideas to flow through me. Using information to inform and analytical thought to unpick it all, of course.

I would say, if I worship anything, it's the power of nature, and to me the forces at work there and how they have shaped all cultures and religons and civilisations, are far stranger than I can ever understand.

So I suppose if I'm really and truly and completely honest, I do like to hold out a little and pretend there's something a bit magical about being highly sensitive, and all that subtle communication that goes on.
But that's just me. It keeps me happy.

Cf


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Fnord
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24 Mar 2013, 4:51 pm

Cuckooflower wrote:
... I do like to hold out a little and pretend there's something a bit magical about being highly sensitive, and all that subtle communication that goes on. But that's just me. It keeps me happy.

And that may just be the most important part.



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24 Mar 2013, 5:17 pm

Fnord wrote:
Cuckooflower wrote:
... I do like to hold out a little and pretend there's something a bit magical about being highly sensitive, and all that subtle communication that goes on. But that's just me. It keeps me happy.

And that may just be the most important part.



I'm not an inane fool though. If you read the rest of my above post, you will see I am perfectly able to think logically and dynamically. That it keeps me happy is my subjective truth; it is not an objective thing, as if I am walking around declaring that I am psychic, harmlessly telling people who they were in a past life (I know someone like this). You make it sound that way, and it isn't that way at all.

Science is a religon as well, remember that.


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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 24 Mar 2013, 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cuckooflower
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24 Mar 2013, 5:18 pm

You should read Camille Paglia.

She changed my world view. Power of nature and all.

Even science cannot encompass everything and account for all of it.


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Fnord
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24 Mar 2013, 5:26 pm

Cuckooflower wrote:
Science is a religon as well, remember that.

No, science is the accumulation of knowledge, while religion is the expression of faith.

Knowledge is belief based on demonstrable facts.

Faith is the belief in unprovable concepts.

Those who claim that religion and science are the same likely do not fully understand either one.



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24 Mar 2013, 7:32 pm

Fnord wrote:
Cuckooflower wrote:
Science is a religon as well, remember that.

No, science is the accumulation of knowledge, while religion is the expression of faith.

Knowledge is belief based on demonstrable facts.

Faith is the belief in unprovable concepts.

Those who claim that religion and science are the same likely do not fully understand either one.


I have had enough of the tone in your responses. They are lazily patronising and sweepingly critical, and this last one has crossed the line into being personal, which I object to. You have not paid attention to the bulk of my responses, and have instead singled out parts and responded with your own agenda.

Do not presume to accuse me of not understanding either science or ''faith''. I am intelligent and capable enough to form my own views on both, just as you have formed your own views and now presume to force them onto others.

You directly objected to my use of the word ''Aura'', to which I gave a satisfyingly thorough and respectful response, which was more or less neutral in tone and did not attack you or even disagree with the basic premise you had planted that it was a nonsense word.

The reason I say Science is also a religon is because it too is a belief system, in my opinion.
It has not at all times created harmony or improved human or inter-species happiness, and it has also led to the development of modern industrial society which is also causing much of the ecocide taking place in the world today.
When people subscribe doggedly to it, it can also cause harm, the same way various religons around the world cause harm.

Faith, or religon, are not merely ''the belief in unprovebale concepts''. They are more important to us than that (no matter how damaging they can also be). I respect religons; they are each the product of man's relationship to a unique bio-region, and how this has developed over time. They are the expression of our relationship to a larger universe.

The two are not mutually exclusive. I do not mean to suggest that people suffering under terrible religious regimes should be denied the benefits we experience in societies that are based on secular beliefs.
But one can still respect religons in a cultural-historical sense, and because they have created so much of what the world is today.

I like Animism, which is what all land-based and tribal human beings naturally practice, because it is based around the understanding that all things affect eachother and are alive, and it causes less harm than modern industrial scoeity, which has great scientific benefits but has removed itself from the fundamental understanding that all things are connected and affect one another.
This is a simple understanding based on being alive amidst other living things, that does not employ any scientific practice at all, but yet still allows for harmony and improved human and inter-species happiness.
I also respect more ''advanced'' religons that came about because of agrarian scoieties.

I also like Mysticism.

But when all's said and done, we should all be Agnostic, surely, because there can be no real unequivocal argument that through science we can fully understand our place in the universe and the reality and workings of all things.
Anyone who claims that is behaving like a religious fundamentalist as well.

I see things differently to you, which is fine. But I won't be told I am therefore wrong, and I won't be condescended to.


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Schneekugel
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25 Mar 2013, 5:34 am

Fnord wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Keniichi wrote:
How do you tell if a man likes you?
I talk to women that I like, and ignore the rest.
But what if she is really nice and you get along, but you are not physically attracted. Would you ignore her? Even though you could become great friends.
f I like her, I will talk to her! Don't over-analyze this. Physical attraction has nothing to do with liking someone - lust, however, is a completely different matter.
Well, I know a guy that won´t spend time with women if there is no prospect of having a relationship (where physical attraction is important). He sais he won't even bother to strike up a conversation with time and he can't have women as friends.
Schneekugel wrote:
I know of such guys too, but was always whondering how on earth you will ever be able to have an relationship with someone you cannot even manage to be friends with.

Lots of people hook up with others just to have sex (Google "One-Night Stand"), when they would otherwise not hook up with them at all.


I have no problems with my sexuality, so I had One Night Stands too. But even for a one night stand you need sympathy, because having sex with someone I disgust ruins me being horny, so it doesnt work. Being disgusted about someone and feeling sexually attracted to someone, simply doesnt work for me. So a person I meet for a One night stand has it much easier, then a person I think about having an relationship, so you only know him for a short time, so normally you dont know everything about his life and thing he had done, you dont like. But still, anyway how external attractive the guy is, there needs to be sympathy.

You dont have "just" sex. If you want to have sex, you need to be horny. To be horny, you need to be in a good mood. And an male Adonis, doing bad jokes about foreigners, women or jews, is ruining my good mood. So you dont need an inner bond for a one night stand, like you need for a relationship. But you need to feel relaxed in someone else presence, because if I dont feel relaxed and happy, my wish for having sex is dumbed.


The other thing for me: If I were not friend with someone, I wouldnt even think about trying an relationship with someone. So if someone says without sex he cant be friends with me, then there will never be a chance for having an relationship.