Feelings towards males

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I agree with you 100%! I live in a very affluent, very religiously conservative area. (pretty conservative in politics & in social viewpoints too.) The snobbery that goes on here is incredible!

I have been a widow for over 9 years @ this point, & don't feel like I belong here, or could be considered as a friend by most people here because I'm not in their 'class'. I'm not rich, I don't have a famous name/pedigree, I'm not a pillar of the communittee, or the local churches. (Agnostic) On the other hand, I don't drink, do drugs, & I have not bothered with men since my husband passed away. So, IMHO, I'm not the worst person in the world. I'm honest, responsible, & pretty naive, ..... & I feel like a bit of a 'sitting duck".

For quite a while, I used to get called "Slut" & "Whore" in passing by some of our local 'Gents".. I guess if you are less affluent than some, then you have to be considered to be immoral, stupid, illiterate, & dishonest ?? These are the same insults that the same kind of people used to use on Blacks, Native Americans, Chinese, & anybody that they considered to be less than them.

It seems to me that a few wealthy, white, male individuals nearly wrecked the World's economy recently by being thieves, but I'm sure that they are still considered 'classy' by their peers & anyone that they didn't swindle out of their life savings. Creepy snobs who knew Nothing about me, chose to label me in the worst possible terms. I guess it made their day? Lord of the Manor & all that?

I looked after a parent for over 25 years after they had a series of strokes, so after that I got labelled as a "Caregiver". This is Not what I want to be seen as! I can't & won't do that anymore. Maybe I should be glad that I got promoted from slut & whore status?

The 1st & only minor interaction I have had with a man, initially involved being offered a situation as a slut. When I declined that, I was offered a position as a 'caregiver' for the same person. When I wasn't interested in that situation, things went very badly & they took a decidedly creepy turn. (Talk about an offer you can't refuse..?)
I suspect that I have been made into grist for the gossip mill, even though nothing ever happened. No physical contact. Nothing at all. ( I wonder if all that name calling & slander had something to do with this person's idea that I was going to 'roll over & play dead'?)

Right now, I'm in defensive mode. I really don't like or trust men/ people in general anymore. I'm seriously depressed. I have no interest in any social activities. I have no interest in the things I used to enjoy.

Sooner or later, I'm gonna get back on track, but I will never socialize with or date anybody from this area, because I know what I'm gonna get. Somebody else's problems, & a lot of resentment if I refuse to take them on!

To be fair I dont trust women either or anyone for that matter a person can smile at you saying they love you while at the same time taking a knife and shanking you! My ex fiance use to chase me with a kitchen knife for fun.

I refused a woman once, she wanted to have sex at college. She tried to make me seem like if she could get me in bed, it would be an accomplishment among her friends (at lest what she acted like it would be). When I told her no and that I was into long term relationships,
she had the moxie to ask me "So a whole night of constant sex isn't enough for you?", like I was afraid of women, when I wanted more than that. She is still my friend and is actually a relatively kind person. It goes both ways.

No it is not normal...

Ergh. I'm sure some of this is true for many women, but all this stuff about systems of oppression and how women are second class citizens just seems a bit one dimensional. It feels like some kind of conspiracy theory the way you put it. I'm not saying you're wrong, per say, but that you seem to write as if you know what women all experience, like we're spme hivemind.

As woman, at no point in my life have I ever been inhibited by men. My gender has never prevented me from doing whslat I want to do. I have no reason whatsoever to feel resentment or fear towards males and, personally, I think going so is an act of undermining your own agency. Not that I'm trying to make a judgment of charactr here, but I think this sort of mentality can lead to that. I think women can easily find spaces to share their experiences without the presence of a man. In fact, why does it matter if the man is present? Most women I know have no problem lumping men together and criticising them in their presence.

Of course I don't speak for everyone. I just don't identify with this mentality.

All I can say is 'Thank Goodness you have never been subjected to it!" Please remain free & true to yourself!! (& don't move to some quaint looking shite-hole, because it looks pretty.)

I never said that it didn't? This is sort of irrelevant. I was only talking about how you can't really put all women into the same category, like all our experiences are the same and just because I'm 23 it doesn't make my experiences any less valid. Incidentally, just because a movement has done good, doesn't mean there aren't some problems with it. Like trans exclusive feminists, for instance, aren't exactly what I'd call progressive. I think we need to stop treating feminism like some sacred cow and instead see it as a term for many different movements.

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Business has always had a good thing when it came to employing women in the same jobs as men for a lot less wages, It just made 'economic sense' to do that for a long as they could, & they still can!

Well, it's not exactly a pay gap, it's more of an employment gap. Women aren't working the same hours as men, nor are they doing the same jobs. It's still s**t, but it's not that companies are purposefully paying women less.

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Well organised religion has also been complicit in much much more than the oppression of women, so I'm not exactly surprised.



Well that sounds really lame. That seems like a really s**t area. I was brought up in a very religious household but luckily my family weren't like that (although they are very anti-abortion). Sectarianism is a huge thing where I come from, so there was a lot of casual hatred of protestants as well as this catholic victim mentality that I was brought up to have. Gladly, there wasn't any sexism involved - my family expected me to do my own thing didn't really push a certain lifestyle for me.

It's good to know that you rebelled against that community in your own way.



Maybe I want to move to the quaint looking shite hole. Maybe I want to start a riot

You can if you want. Good luck finding like-minded rioters! I'd like to move back to a place that isn't a cultural desert or a replica of all that was wrong with the 1950's.

I have... complicated feelings about men. There are some things I like about them--for instance, they are more likely to be oriented toward my interests. They can be really good companionship and/or participate in good conversations. Some of them are quite thoughtful and emotionally self-aware.

However, the VAST majority of my interactions with men have been negative. Put-downs, groping (Jesus, I started having to smack people as soon as I hit puberty)*, pressure to have sex/whining about sex, the expectation that I'll clean up after them and be understanding when they lose their temper, the attempted assaults, the constant wrestling with their sense of entitlement (no, the only woman in the room is not going to get up and get everyone a beer. motherf***ers have legs), the constant underestimating me, and their constant misgendering me because they seem to think that if they appreciate my mind, my hobbies or my personality, the nicest thing they can do is compare me to a man......

And that doesn't even cover the ones who feel somehow like they're less manly because of something about me and try to punish me for it (that's right, I have been in not a few physical fights with men who literally tried to hit me like they would another guy they felt slighted by.) I'm short(ish), chesty, loud-mouthed and creatively vicious when I need to be. I'm f**k tired of men who want to 'reclaim their manhood' from me because my being in a position at a job where I'm giving orders or administering something makes them somehow feel 'woman-ish,' which they find disgusting because women are disgusting or something. I don't run into those guys often, but I have enough times to be generally wary. There's a lot of weird woman hate out there in various forms.

I'm not a fan, generally, which is weird because I'm often surrounded by them. They seem to really like me and find me good to talk to. I'm guessing that's because I default to listening for awhile when talked to.

The upshot is that it's REALLY a mixed bag, and that I am often wary around men because I've found out the hard way that so many of them are rapists/gropers/callous of my personal boundaries/think women are dumb or inferior and/or think I'm a fuck-vending machine. It's nice to find good ones, but the cultural milleux does NOT favor it.
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*I mean, I was getting groped by total strangers on my way to the bathroom at a movie theater by the time I was 13. Never seen the guy before, but he felt entitled to reach out and honk my boob. As of a year or so ago, some guy I barely knew dragged me backward off a bar stool to paw my tits while I was talking to the national representative of the Secular Students Alliance. WHY, MEN? WHY?

I get along with some men very well. I have @ times a lot more in common with men & people say that "I think like a man" -which is wrong cuz I think like myself.

I have a number of bad things happen to women that I care(d) about. I saw my 1st rape when I was about 2 1/2, & saw a few more after that. My Grandmother had a serious stroke & no longer remembered much of her life, including her husband. He chose either to not believe that or not care. She was his wife & had to act like one. I didn't really understand what was going on, but I did understand that he was abusing her & that she was afraid of him. He was a physically violent person a lot of the time.

A good friend in high school got a call from someone that seemed to be a good friend of her boyfriend. He asked her to meet the B.F. @ a corner store late in the evening. The B.F. was a jock, & was going to be away for some time @ a training camp in Quebec. When she got there, he wasn't there, but 3 men she didn't know where. She was not only gang raped, but her skull was fractured with a piece of broken paving stone. I went to see her in hospital several times a week. Her B.F. only saw her a few times & then broke up with her, even before she was released. He, "Couldn't take it".
She never believed that he had set her up. I kind'a did because he broke up with her so easily, & his parents didn't like her. They felt that having a G.F. was interfering with his potential as an athlete.
Never go anywhere to meet anybody, unless you have spoken directly to the person that you are going to meet, & know them enough to trust them.

We lived in a semi-detached house, & a couple bought the other part of it. The husband was an abusive alcoholic. He used to beat her nearly every weekend. The had a baby when they 1st moved in, so if she couldn't get the baby out of the house, she would come next door to our place to call the police to get her daughter out, & come in to sleep @ our house.
Things got worse as time went on. The attacks became more violent. Her would tear her clothes off her, mostly below the waist, & throw her out the door 1/2 naked. This was very bad for her daughter, who was growing older. He got more & more angry at my husband & I for taking her & her child into our home, & calling the police on him. One night I found pieces of her scalp & hair in the sink. He had pulled her curlers out of her hair. This situation lasted 10 years. The daughter was still wetting the bed @ age 10, & in the end, I was almost more upset with her mother for not giving that lunatic his walking papers.
She earned good money. She was actually my pay master, so she had better benefits as well as an excellent wage. She could have kept that house easily.

One night, right after we found out I was pregnant, (after 3 years of trying) I walked up to the corner store to get milk for the morning. My husband had been working odd hours doing installations @ work after office hours, so i did not wake him . On the way back, I found myself being dragged by my hair through a hedge by the crazed drunk next door husband. I had my hair in a braid, so it didn't hurt that much to drag him part of the way out of the hedge. I tried to flip him over my leg. It didn't totally work because he was a big guy ( 180 lb,& 6 ft. 2) Since he was so drunk, when he fell he didn't get his arms under his face, & broke several teeth & his nose on the sidewalk. He had partially fallen on me, but I was o.k. The bags of milk didn't even break. He started to get up again, & I was so angry that I kicked him in the n**s, which put him back down again. There was No Way, I was going to jeopardize my baby or my own health because of that nut!
I didn't call the police or an ambulance. I just left him there. If my husband had found out, he would have killed him.

I'm am Not the most trusting person around men, esp. ones that I don't know well. How could I be? I have had a lot of respect, & liking for some men friends, & loved a few with all my heart. I have to say that I don't look on all of them as my big fuzzy buddies.
I'm glad that there are women who have never had these kinds of bad experiences. It makes for a much happier life for them & their men friends, & lovers, but I gotta deal with the cards that I've been dealt. I'm not 'fearful', but I will stand my ground, & react appropriately.

I was in an abusive relationship with a woman for a couple years and it resulted in me getting PTSD!! I used tp trust her and was willing to do anything for her for her own satisfaction and not my own For my own is not important and the womans satusfaction is! I was expected to have sex with her even though I was not in the mood, It did not matter for as long as she was satisfied it was a good thing!