Do you have maternal instincts?

Post Reply New Topic

Absolutely. Though I suspect looks weird to many people but yes, I think I do.

I've always been afraid to hold little babies.

I only learned as an adult that, sometimes, I have to support the baby's head.

Of course you hold their little head until you know they can!

Not really, and being the oldest of five siblings, really put of me ever considering having kids.

Not really. I never paid attention to kids and babies until I got some. I was really bothered by my first and panicked when nobody's around to help, DH had to teach me some basic parenting. He's still the main parent. He told me the more I take care of a baby the more I'll love him and it kinda worked, slowly. Some moms love their babies at first sight, it took me 3 or 4 months to love him. Second baby was a bit faster, about 2.5 months. I simply can't love someone I don't know well. But once I love them motherhood felt wonderful and it's getting better as they grow into real people. I'll be honest, I'm not a type to like changing diapers or rocking them to sleep, but I loove doing fun things with them, teach them knowledge and enjoy things together. I like being their friend instead of care taker or authority. I would never expect them to obey me because I'm a parent, instead they should only listen to me because I'm reasonable / helpful. I don't know if I'm a good parent or not, just doing what feels natural to me. I'm hoping at least the friend - friend relationship is more sustainable than parent - child relationship as they grow and become independent.

I always wanted to be a mother, and when I was 15 a stupid doctor told me I couldn't. I got married when I waa 19 and has my baby when I was 21. I always wanted be a mother, and was my biggest dream... Now I realize this Dream and I'm a full time mom to my 2 year old, but I have a bit of panic thinking about having another...

I have very strong maternal instincts. I have dreamed for as long as I can remember of when I get to have my children. I don't care if they are difficult or weird or gross, it is the only thing I have ever wanted. It actually makes me really sad when I think about the fact that I am a full grown and sexually mature adult, and yet it is still not time. I want children more than anything in the world. It is truly my deepest desire. I was pregnant once. But it was not time. I think about it multiple times a day.

One of my closest friends has a baby daughter. When I get to hold her or feed her, it's an incredible joy, and also a terrible heartache that I do not have my own, and that my interactions with her are only temporary. My friend lives too far away for me to see them often. There are no other babies and children within my community.

The last time I got to care for a baby was when my half sister was an infant, 13 years ago. But I was also a young child at the time, and i had to go back to my mom because where I was living was not a good place. Every baby doll I had after that, I pretended was my baby sister, and I named them after her. But I scarcely saw her for years after that, and as a result I don't think I was every properly able to bond with her. But I still love her. And I think she loves me. I still think of her every day. But she lives over 1200 miles away. I have very little money. I can't travel right now. So there's not much I can do.

I did not like children until I had them. They got on my nerves. I used protection each time I became pregnant (both condoms and birth control). I had no biological urge or anything. I was too young to have children. I did opt to keep them though and I am glad I did.

Yes, my children do piss me off sometimes by doing the bone headed things that people do, but they are amazing people and my life is better off for them. I like children now. They are curious, interesting sponges and it is incredible to watch them grow from little dependent blobs to little people. Their desire to learn and understand is rivaled by their honesty and directness. Their needs are similar to some of my own as well... routine, sameness, familiarity, repetition, patience... the list goes on. Children are some of my favorite people.

I had typed out a whole long life-history, before I realized it would be boring to have to read, and was also way too intimate and I didn't want to expose my deepest feelings to people who might make fun of them.

So, short answer:

Had no maternal instincts ------ up until I was 29 and had gone through a very, very sad, very bad crisis and period of enormous loss.

Then everything that used to be my world view and every way I used to feel about things changed, and I did start to want kids, yes.

So, that thing about "feeling differently when you're older is bollocks" is not, in fact, always bollocks.

Some people do find that as they go on through life and things happen, they feel differently about lots of things they previously thought would never change.

What drives people to have kids? Truthfully, I doubt many kids were planned. I was an oopsie.

I don't think I'd love being a mother, but id love my kids, if that makes any sense. I've had 3 failed pregnancies, and I did bond with them and love them. I still think about them.

But dealing with

less time for my interests
possibly fussy, colicky baby
worsening financial position, possibly

would be rough. I know that sounds very selfish.

I do have an impreg fetish. Go figure. *blush*

Caring for babies seemed straightforward for the most part. +1 don't forget to hold their heads
It mostly seems like they want food, nappy changed, and cuddles.

i didn't have maternal instincts, my son came along and I "had" to be his mom. It took a lot of reading and learning. Then my two daughters. I still don't really "have" a maternal instinct. But they are my children, and I love them. Is it possible to learn those instincts? I don't know. Maybe they developed as I got older and my kids got older. I know I did a good job raising them so far as I am told often how wonderful they are. But no birthday parties at home ! we did small one or two friend parties at the movies, or such. They are older now, so It's much less stress on me. 20,16 and 14.

In short: no. Growing up, I've always had issues with showing affection and caring towards others. It is not because I disliked them, but because I didn't know how to show my affection. At my current age, I still have issues and times when I want my alone time though.

I'm glad to see there are other females out there like me. This is why I love these forums.

For most it's probably a little bit of everything. Instinctively they want to raise children, and people around them are talking about and raising children. That and accidents happen. I'm not a very nurturing person to anything except plants... and I'm not sure I'd know what to do for a child if they were going through something like bullying. I'd feel responsible for finding some way to make sure everything was okay even if the school or other parents wouldn't say anything.

I love all the fuzzy feelings that come from having something to love and nurture. Whenever I get to hold someone's baby I feel happy, and not just because they are small and cute. Everything is so new and fascinating to babies and young children. And they are so sincere and honest, I feel like I can connect with them on a level that is more difficult with adults. My husband and I are not in a position to have a baby now but I hope that we can someday.

When we do have a baby, I plan to dress him/her in cute squirrel costumes and take lots of pictures of my little baby squirrel! (Squirrels are a special interest of mine, I don't suppose the child would begrudge me too much for making baby albums of him/her dressed as a cute squirrel?)

I never had any kind of maternal instinct myself, nor any desire to procreate. I am 28 now and still struggle to understand other women who do feel the need to have kids and who have that maternal instinct. When I have some of my female coworkers talk about having babies with so much passion...I look at them as thought they are talking about an alien concept. That's just not for me, and luckily, my body agrees with me.

If I have maternal instincts they only seem to kick in when it comes to animals.