Autistic females who did not get diagnosed in childhood

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It really depends on where I'm at and who I'm with/around. When I'm at home with just my family I come off as loud and obnoxious. At school, I was often quiet and just kept my mouth shut because of one too many instances of saying something embarrassing when I was little. I think though that a lot of the other girls thought I was just weird, especially in middle school. My teachers generally loved me. I would contribute and join in on conversations if it was something I was interested in or if someone said something that I know was factually wrong.

When I'm just around people much older than I am, I generally try to be polite and more often than not I will put Mr or Ms in front of their name when I talk to or about them, even if I have permission to address them by their first name alone. The only people I don't do that with are my cousins.

Other: I have no idea, even to this day, how I appeared to other people. That is one of many things that makes the world of human beings seem so confusing and chaotic to me.

I would also argue that personality, much like beauty, is generated in the mind of the observer as it reflects upon the observed. Moreover, perception of personality is often generated as a consensus built by a social network, and as such it is subject to change as each individual's network shifts and changes. So, people who see you one way while under the influence of their current social network, may change that view as and when their own network changes. If that makes any sense. Ugh.

I was considered shy/lacked confidence, and weird enough that I was bullied until my family moved across town and I was able to go to a different middle school and high school.

When I hated myself and lived in terror, I was extremely shy and withdrawn. Teachers learned not to call on me, because I always knew the answers on paper but would end up shutting down if I had to speak in class.

When I learned to like myself and stopped being quite so afraid, I was loud and obnoxious. Outspoken, opinionated, and generally intolerable.

Nowadays I actually think I'm pretty swell (if only by comparison). However, I work pretty hard to remember that, in others' opinion, I am only likeable if I behave as I did when I hated myself. I try to remember to be shy and withdrawn most of the time. It hides the autism and prevents hate.

I selected "testy," but "indifferent" or "contemptuous" would probably have been better options. I was so bored in school and so repelled by the other children that I came across as pretty unfriendly. Although I did have friends. Just not many.

I also had the "little professor"-ish habit of correcting people when they were wrong, and getting very excited about topics that interested me, so blend all that together and what you get is just "what a weird kid."

Yes this makes perfect sense, I mean the way you explained it. But does not make a lot of sense to me why other people are like that. I've noticed this sort of thing a lot.

I wrote in another thread today, I think it's rare for people to really connect with each other as individuals. People tend to view each other and relate through their group identities.

My social awkwardness stood out. I was the socially awkward outcast. Some teachers even picked on me. By the time I was in high school I was literally begging people to be my friend and invite me out with them.

I spent time in psych wards as a high schooler. It never dawned on any of my therapists and psychiatrists that I could be on the spectrum. Some of the therapists blamed me for my difficulties in fitting in. I truly wanted to fit in but honestly didn't understand social stuff. I wasn't purposely trying to separate myself from others. I felt so bad about myself. Academically I did well and even remember being bored in class at times because things were moving too slowly.

I've always struggled socially. Even now. I'll be 31 on November 3 and still have very few friends but I'm happy with this. I prefer quality over quantity. Co workers have described me as weird and being in my own little world. I'm still prone to being bullied and laughed at due to my awkwardness. Recently being diagnosed with mild autism has given me greater understanding of myself and self acceptance. I no longer beat myself up and feel like a bad person. I'll never be that cool well liked person and it's okay. I have a kind heart.

People who liked me told me they first thought I was shy, and then discovered that I was very funny. Admittedly, I was not usually trying to be funny. A lot of times I just said things that were true, but inappropriate. This made people laugh.
People who didn't like me thought I was a snob. Ironically, the more intimidated/frightened I was of someone, the more I unintentionally gave them the impression that I thought I was better than them.

It's fascinating, and I've noticed that they apparently are not aware (or only minimally aware) of the influence of the social group, although the awareness seems to vary from one subculture to the next (in addition to individual and group variations). For example, many of the Mexican immigrants with whom I have spoken (in Spanish) seem to not only be aware of the group mind effect, but to embrace it. Whereas most native-born US citizens have a more individualistic idea of personality, while oblivious to the fact that their opinions, likes, dislikes, and personal relationships are powerfully and invisibly influenced by their group affiliations.

I chose "other".

I don't really know how I was percieved by others. What I do know is that in new situations I would be quiet and probably come across as shy, but what I really was doing was observing the others to determine how I should behave. After that I'm sure others saw me as more "normal/affable", but I also believe that at times I was quite loud and full of myself, so to speak. In other words, I'm a mimic.

I remember the day I decided that I should stop my whole "be quiet first, then start talking" - it was when I started my first real day job when I was 25. I was invited to a job party before I actually started work, and decided that I should be talkative and friendly from the start. I think I overdid it a little, but it seemed to work - though I think I lost steam a little midway through the party. Considering how my anxiety level has really only increased since this, it's probably a good idea to go back to what I did before with the observing.

I came off as a know-it-all. Bossy. Argumentative. My mom called me 'foghorn' because I was so loud and lacked tone (she was a concert pianist, and my voice made her crazy). I argued so much a family friend suggest I get a legal degree. I was called a 'Teacher's Pet' because of the adult conversations. My only real friends in school were those that were as misfitting as I was. Except I barely graduated high school, and they had straight A's. Somehow my intelligence, which was apparently so obvious, didn't translate to me being able to complete my schoolwork, so I was also viewed as stubborn, forgetful, inattentive, and lazy.
I was cold and unemotional, until I learned to fake it. This was most noticeable in church where everyone was either moved by the 'Spirit' or felt the 'Spirit' move. I loved the technical aspects of the Bible instead.
I was viewed as gullible through college, and it is even a joke still with my family. I put my foot in my mouth, and my parents hated how often I said things that came out the wrong way.
I frequently felt like a failure because it seemed like I did something wrong in every aspect of life.

How did I know all of this? I was told in explicit terms so there was no misunderstanding. I was always just a weird kid. Luckily my father is enough of a freak show that other people were busy talking about him to discuss my oddities.

In fact, I have never felt 'normal' until discovering asperger's/autism.

I know not a lot of people liked me. Either they out right said so or excluded me from stuff. Guys had crushes on me. I didn't have many friends. Some people said I was shy. Some thought I was crazy. One person in high school said that if I were to get married, he know I'd get beat by my husband because I was so annoying. Even people who were closer to me told me I was weird. One friend told me I looked r-word when I did certain things.

So with all of those experiences, I think people thought I was slow, crazy, stupid, weird, and obnoxious depending on who they were.

The more I talked to people about deeper topics, some thought I was smart or wise. (Mostly adults.) People my age thought I was...serious, I guess.

I was also bullied so I'm guessing people saw me as an easy target.

All my school reports say that I was shy and that I lacked confidence.

In second grade I got the infamous "Does not play well with others".
I also got "Has trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality" which is usually a euphemism for lying, though I think it was meant literally in my case. I spent a lot of time lost in my own imagination during elementary school.

Same here, but I never quite grew out of it. :/

To begin with I was very intense and precocious. However, as I got older I became more and more withdrawn. I was anxious, shy and at times volatile and angry. Being diagnosed in my mid twenties was the best thing that has ever happened to me, it explained everything but I wish so so much that I could have been diagnosed as a child because the damage done has resulted in severe mental health problems that I am now trying to unpick and that have become so debilitating.