Anyone Here Want Kids or Trying to Conceive?

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love the sled picture. So cute.

I did go out with my son, but it was because I HAD to rather than I wanted to. Bundling up a newborn was a pain.

to the lady that posted "watching my friends get pregnant because they think it will be easier than working "

Um, No they are wrong. Being a parent is a job with no breaks. 24/7/365 for YEARS

And then if you are a working mom.... the fun gets even better.

I had a kid for selfish reasons. I wanted something that someone could not take away from me.
I wanted to raise a kid by myself so I could do it my way.

Not that I (or any other parent) is able to dictate everything a kid is going to do.
I just didn't want someone making me be a parent the way they told me to.

I can say there is only one thing I've done that Oprah Winfrey will never be able to say she did, be a mom.

My reply in bold...

I meant to emphasize that being a mom is very rewarding, it's just not easier than going to work for many people

It must be so hard to want to be able to conceive and not be able to.

But the idea of having a baby because it easier than working at a job is generally not true.

Here's something that wasn't in any book. Your baby might cry and fuss just because you won't hold them in your arms 24/7. Seriously. I'm convinced my son cried out of frustration/anger - when he was a young infant. Put a boob in his mouth, now that would shut him up

My kid was in full time day care from 14 months of age. He loved it. He and I would have been miserable had we been home together all the time. He need the social interactions of 'school', even from a very young age.

I knew at that point that he was going to be a different type of personality than me. Oh, body was I right.
And I"m thankful he's so NT!

I don't know. A lot of people can't handle being an SAHM. I know that I can't, but I have to, because of my son's needs. Just overseeing his therapies and driving him around from place to place is draining and exhausting. Plus, it is socially isolating to parent my son due to his complex needs. I would much rather be working, enjoying adult company, and then going home and being a happy, energized parent to my kids the rest of the day. But that isn't how my life has panned out. Big deal, so I suck it up and deal with it.

But I am going to be very honest - I don't enjoy it at all. I don't know if it is the depression and anguish over my son's slow development or if it just my personality that craves socialization and is not overly maternal etc.

I love my kids. I have struggled with infertility and it took me several years to produce my offspring. So, I have been there, too. But I still don't think that my struggle to have my kids prepped me to be Mom, 24/7, 365/year. Maybe it is just me. My kids & I would probably have been much better off had I been a working Mom.

Being that my son is the most NT person that you can possibly be, he would have been miserable being home with me for years before starting school. He NEEDED the social interaction.

back when he was young, I had the option of starting him in 'real' school 'Kindergarten' here in the US when he was still 4 years old. Many parents would have held their kid (esp a boy) back another year. But because of who my son was, and because he was so very ready academically and socially, he started at age 4 (turned 5 shortly into school year). He graduated High school at 17 and college at 21.

I didn't fully understand just how different I was from the rest of world until I had this ultra NT kid.

I hope you get to be the mom you want to be. If it wasn't for being a mom, I would have checked out of this world long ago. Though my son doesn't 'need' me, I refuse to abandon him by committing suicide.

I am not exaggerating when I say that. I'm hoping one day I get to be a grandmom, so I can see my son be the Dad he never had.

Who is this sentence (in bold) addressed to ??

Even if I never got to be the working Mom I wish I was, I would still make it work. I signed up to be a parent, didn't I, especially since I had to resort to extreme measures to have them ? Too bad that it didn't turn out quite the way I expected it would -- au contraire, I NEVER expected to be an SAHM -- but it is what it is. I would never bail on my obligations, even if fulfilling them is like pulling teeth, so don't know where that comment is coming from ??

that sentence was addressed to myself

I have to convince myself to remain alive on a daily (if not hourly) basis

I should elaborate. My son is 24 and fully 'launched'.

He doesn't need my financial or emotional support in any way shape or form

He is the only person who would possibly miss me on this earth. It might be weird for him to want to share something with me and realize I was gone (by my own hand) (we speak on the phone every week or so, I haven't seen him in person since Nov '13)

the only thing the people at work would think was "gee it sucks she's gone and isn't here do do all that work anymore so now someone else has to pick up the pieces"

Not only would nobody else miss me, they wouldn't notice I was gone (if I was off work on 'vacation' and died on the first day it wouldn't be until I was missing from work would anyone 'notice' I was gone)

Last edited by sueinphilly on 27 May 2014, 10:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

So your all expecting and hoping to have kids someday? well, your all female so I guess your entitled. Being female has its benefits I guess.

@sueinphilly Your lifes worth is not depending, on what you mean to others. If you have a good day, by happily engaging in your hobbies and interests, what does it do that your co-workers might not miss you? Is something, that causes you happyness, worth less, only because of that? If you simply miss in general any kind of social contact, maybe try as example to engage in some kind of charity-group? At least in my experience, people engaging in charity-groups are often far less judging then the average NT, when it comes to "normal" sociel behavior. And if you are feeling depressed for so long, try talking to a doctor/engage in therapy. I had serious depression as well and did not really believe in any benefit of therapy at all. My oppinion simply was: "Ok, before I kill myself, I can at least give that therapy-stuff a try, and if it does not work, then I can still do it." So please, give it a try, work on it. Worst thing that can happen, is that you dont benefit from it and things stay the same.

thank you for your concern.

I have been this way my entire life. I don't 'belong'. Never did. Been in therapy off and on since I was 17 (am 53 today)

there is nothing that makes me 'happy'. I have no true passions. I love technology and while I'm no computer genius, I do know more than many people (I'm the help desk for several people who know I'll be able to fix their issues)

I tried the 'doing for others' thing, but in reality I just don't care that much.

I've been turned down from volunteering with children as a tutor because of lack of college degree (and this is in an urban environment where I think I'm smarter than a 5th grader!)

I've been turned down for other volunteer situations because I am unable to come up with a reference to 'vouch' for me.

I was shunned at the church I went to when I suggested doing a coupon exchange (I was already brings lots of food to the pantry) and offering to help people learn how to shop/coupon effectively. I'm really good at finding bargains and couponing. They just wanted to give stuff to people, not 'teach them to fish' in the biblical sense.

I have been shunned at work (I work for the Dept of Defense) for proving to them that their software is a nightmare. I got a severe written warning for doing work before I was assigned to do it.

People have systematically ignored/shunned/debased me my entire life (starting with my parents)

I'm wondering if my parents (haven't seen them in 7 years) or brother (haven't seen him in 3 years and we never have contact) or son (we do talk regularly but I haven't seen him since Nov) will call me today, on my birthday

Happy birthday, Sue ! !! !

I was pretty much in the same boat -- I have difficulties with social relationships even though I am NT. I had a crappy childhood with an abusive jerk for a biological paternal unit, and an enabler for a biological maternal unit. I no longer have any contact with them or one of my siblings (their golden child and a flying monkey of sorts). I do keep in touch with my other sibling - we talk like once in 6 months or so. Usually, he gets on my nerves, too, as he is maternal unit's "golden child" and I hate it when he tries to pontificate to me about the whole "honor your abusive sperm and egg donor" BS.

Anyway, I think my crappy childhood messed with my head and left me needy, clingy and POSSESSIVE for the longest time. I did not realize that I was turning people away from me by being so possessive -- I have had to fight for every scrap of affection my parental units threw at me and it was always conditional -- so I never learned the concept of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE until I had my own kids.

In my experience, most people would be forgotten by most other people if they went out of sight for a long time. It is what it is. Out of sight usually is out of mind. I was very close to my maternal grandmother who was probably the only soul who did show me true love, but she died and I do not my time thinking about her, even though I was very close to her. On her death anniversary, I am a little depressed and grumpy, but I get over it and move on. Such is life, so I do not know that it is realistic to expect casual acquaintances and co-workers to miss you if you retired or quit or just moved on to another position. I am sure your son will miss you, but then again, no one will put their lives on hold for you -- just like I wont put my life on hold thinking of my dearly beloved but deceased grandmother every second of every day. Please believe me when I tell you that I do miss her, but I have my own life to lead and my own children to care for.

If you are the religious type, try to get involved in religion. I know someone who lost her husband and her child in a fatal car crash right after she retired. Not the kind of retirement that she was looking forward to, at all. She would have gone to pieces but chose to turn to the church instead. Now, this isn't something that would work for many people but it works for her. The last time I talked to my maternal unit, she told me that X has come out of her depression -- she serves in remote locations, volunteering to teach underprivileged children, and has found meaning in her life. She was severely depressed after the sudden passing of her spouse AND adult child but she seems to be doing OK now.

Please remember that life owes us nothing - the onus is on us to make the best use of our time on Earth. People, as a rule, are flaky and will let you down. But if you put your trust in yourself, if you can find a way to become your own best friend, your quality of life will be far better than the average person's. I have had a traumatic childhood and young adulthood, but I am not moping over it. I learned a lot of valuable lessons and It has made me a more mature person as a result. I no longer care much for other people and whether they will think highly of me or not. I have a couple of friends from elementary school that I stay in touch with, some elderly relatives who I call, but most of my immediate circle is my own family and the people I have met in the course of learning how to help my son with severe delays and significant needs.

I honestly do not give a damn for most folks in my life now. I have a small but intimate circle of friends, some "extended circle" that I occasionally talk to, and that is it. As long as you do your duty by your child, your loved ones and by God (if you believe in the existence of that entity), you owe nothing to anyone -- not even to your son, as he is now an adult.

Before you think of committing suicide, sit down and ask yourself -- is your life only worthy if other people think it is ?

Anyone Here Want Kids?

Me, not really. I work with them and really like them, but not that much to let one destroy my body, occupy my personal space, consume my time and waste my resources Nor would I be able (or willing) to take care of it 24/7. Selfish? Yeah, but kind of responsible too, considering poor baby's fate with me as its mother.

Holy crap am I behind! I did not mean to be gone for so long!

I'm currently term, at 37 weeks, and they will be inducing me within 12 days if I don't go naturally. I'm not too happy about this at all. I failed the glucose test, and they pretty much put me immediately on meds, though that's what makes the induction 'needed' and I'm still getting used to that idea.

On positive news, we got to move out of my grandma's house! We're renting a smaller 2-bedroom from her now, and having our own place is fantastic. though I wouldn't advise moving houses in months 8-9 of pregnancy. haha.

Also have had some issues with school and staying focused there, but I'm on my last day of classwork tomorrow before my "baby break" which I can't wait for!

So at the moment, just really, really, really hoping I get to go naturally... but I'm also positive for GBS so... who knows at this point.

That's great you have been working on improving your life for the baby.

I am happy to hear from you, I was already worried. But so happy that you and your young one are fine (except the glucose test and the c-section). Hope it does not give you financial misadvantages, that you need to do c-section. My little one is still well developed (so a bit longer then normal) and as well feet-down, so I might be having a c-section as well, but at least its all payed by insurance, when its done out of medical needs.

I can relate to you about the moving. So we are staying in our house, but the kitchen actually gets renewed, so all the kitchen items needs to be packed, so that we can renew the room and afterward install the new kitchen. (And fridge, microwave and small electric cooking plates are actually in the living room and for cleaning dishes I need to go upwards to the bath room or down into the garden. At least I have moderate sports. ^^) And in autumn, when I have recovered from labor, building of the kids-room will start. Luckily my parents live only 5 minutes by car from here, so when the noisy stuff is done, I can simply separate with my little one and stay there. (I plan on helping as well, at least I am the engineer in family, but the real noisy stuff, I will avoid with my little one. ^^)

@League Girl: How is it going for you? If I am calculating correct, your young one should already have arrived? Hope everything went well for you.

Oh, I do not envy you that kitchen remodel! We got moved into the new place, and then grandma- like 1.5 weeks later was all "i need the exterminator to come out there" so.... yup. had to take everything out of the kitchen- the one and only room that we had unpacked to a functional degree. To this moment, it's finally been put back together, but there's just sooo much to do. I'm excited to have a nursery! But organizing it isn't easy either.


If I need a c-section, that, as well as everything else will be covered. One of the small advantages, if you can call it that, to low-income living. However, I am really, really going to do anything and everything I can to avoid that. Induction is bad enough. Though, I think maybe it'll be ok. People say when baby is low it feels like you are sitting on their head, and I'm kind of starting to get that feeling. 11 days or less left, and I get to see him today anyways due to growth scan.

I really think the gestational diabetes crap is overkill. I don't have any of the signs of it, and my blood sugars are fine. Heck, yea, I worked out a bit afterwards, but I had a full serving rice (3 carbs) and 3 servings fish sticks (3 carbs and protein) and still had a 98 at the end of my two hours. That doesn't sound like someone with GD. Also, Avery is said to be- last we knew- in the 60th percentile. That'as totally reasonable for his daddy being over 6 foot. So it's a huge pain in the butt, and cost me my birthing center non-hospital birth, but I'm doing what I"m supposed to anyways.