Does being pretty and/or nice make AS easier?

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Wow your post sounds a lot like my life story.

The only relationship I had was brief and with a guy who came across as forward. Little did I suspect what is personality was like. He was very clingy and agressive. Because I wanted my space and was not extraverted like himself, I often found myself emotionally blackmailed. He'd ask me if I was seeing someone on the side or ask why I wasn't interested in him. Sometimes he'd even call from work just to tell me his coworkers were hitting on him...

I didn't know at the time I had aspergers so I felt so guilty like there was something wrong with me. I tried real hard to keep our relationship going but ironically as it turns out he was having another one on the side. After I told him it was over, he kept calling and apologizing. One day he was with his buddies while I was out at the driveway with my sister in a shopping center. He argued for me to come back which ended with me being knocked down on the concrete.

Needless to say it was over after that thus the beginning of more issues with myself and men. In fact, it still bothers me everytime I think about. I play it like a record thinking about what I could've done to avoid the conflict I experienced. The only guys I seem to attract come off agressive and so I get very scared perhaps attributing it to my past relationship..I don't know for sure. I've never seen myself as attractive in the least so I always correlated this aspect as to why I never had any such luck with men except that one. I'm not very good at reading men and the only time I asked a guy out was when I was drunk but that's another story....

So today in my late twenties, I'm not as keen on being in relationship as I use to be. This doesn't mean I want to remaind single for the rest of my life but just these brief experiences gave me enough to analyze that perhaps love is not all it's cracked up to be....especially in those silly romance movies...

I've decided I'd rather live comfortably with myself. If a guy can't handle that then it's not my loss. I've embraced my eccentricities and special interests to the point that they've become my love interests.

I was never really told I was pretty as a child. Sometimes I would get a compliment but it would soon be followed with a comment about something they wish I didn't have or could have or blah blah. My few friends tell me I'm pretty sometimes, but that's only because they have to do that. Never been told I'm pretty by a guy. Most men avoid me like the plague for some reason. I just attract creepies and crazies, that's all.

I do tend to be nice and pleasant, that's just how I am, but I get taken advantage of a lot but I've learned to just deal with that if it makes life easier for me.

Very good topic that has had me tearing up reading through everyone's replies to it for how painfully familiar it is.

I hit the aesthetic genetic jackpot and had absolutely no clue for the majority of my life. I 'knew' that I was invisible because no one Ever asked me out in school. Even doing modeling at the encouragement of my determinedly supportive father, I didn't 'get it'. Turns out all the guys around me did have crushes on me but were unanimously Intimidated by me. I never once even noticed it and still have a hard time do. I have heard all through my teen and adult life how attractive I am and that there are so many interested in me but I just can't seem to notice it.

I did have one major relationship but here comes the same story: aggressive mentally abusive guy that did his best to manipulate me toward thinking I was sexually unattractive, my modeling was 'carney BS', acting was a joke not real, and that I was crazy and in need of physiological drugs. He did the same telling me of others hitting on him that another gal posted of, expressed that he felt like he was only furniture to me, and then cheated on me. When I broke up with him for it he did what a previous post said of trying everything positive and negative to extremes to get me to come back escalating to violence.

Next pursuant close to a year later was one of a repeat story, to nice to say no when you felt you should. Found out he had a long term girlfriend and had done the same to over 50 others. Ugh.

Didn't go near anyone physically or emotionally for a year after that and even then it was only succumbing to the aggressive attentions of another determined suitor that ended after four months upon the discovery of his wife and son. Again the withdraw.

Tried the one night stand thing but it wasn't enough and very quickly lost interest. Sure the looks and mystery of my eccentric personality make it easy to attract it but once they got the physical they wanted ...poof. The taste of bile comes to mind.

Making the first, "hey I'm interested in you" tack only made them run away faster.

Finally I simply stayed withdrawn the way I had growing up 'invisible'. 3/4 of a year later I get another pursuant, persistent and aggressive enough that I notice. Perhaps I'm ready to try this 'dating' thing. Three dates and I shut down away from the person, turned off to avoid panic mode when he's going too fast for me to handle. Perhaps I've learned what to fear at least from experiences?

My birthday comes and I choose to have a party at my place, something I've never done as an adult. In fact, I've hidden my place for many years. I thought I had so many friends, those nice words from people you've met along the way ("Beautiful pic, beautiful heart." -an online girlfriend to me) and then kept up with on the internet through different forums. 6 people showed. All single men, not a one girl friend. It was so painfully obvious what they were there for, the attractive chic (me) that they were hoping to get together with by impressing her by showing up. I shut down and could barely force myself to speak through my fake smile the most of the evening.

No niceness and good looks do not help the AS girl. Superficially yes, but not in my overall experience when it comes to relationships.

Forgive me for the rant, it's only been just over a week since that birthday and I haven't let it out till now.

several Men like what I look like so I guess I can answer.

It means you get treated like an object really, getting the interest of men is very easy, sometimes they will suck up to you even if you come across as a social skill-less fool just to get in your pants.

Interpersonal relationships are very hard. These include getting to know men on a more personal level, dating and friendship.

It certainly has no effect whatsoever on how many friends you have.

Artkitten, I can really empathise reading your post. What I mean is, I could just imagine how you may have felt when you were talking about your birthday party, and I think that's what this site is good for - letting out stuff like that.

I know I've been in pleennty of 'social' situations where I feel pretty much abandoned (hence the inverted commas around the word 'social') by the 'nice' girls and I'm bored or disgusted by the thinly veiled intention or attitude of some men present ..

I like the sound of you, Artkitten. Stay true to yourself - you're worth it

Pretty aspies will always be treated better but the extra attention from men might be overwhelming. Women with AS are more likely to be abused. Being pretty wouldn't help with making friends, as most women tend to be jealous.

Being pretty would also make getting a job easier. Some women get by just on their looks. It has it's positives and negatives.

Being genuinely nice is always a disadvantage.

Hartofspace says:

Apparently, most men do not find intelligence attractive. Nor do they like my razor sharp sarcasm,

I like it