What Effects Can Bullying Have on Girls During Adulthood?

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Hi again,

I understand you probably didn't intend to come across as being personal. I didn't mean to come across as personal either. I was speaking on behalf of those women like myself who found perfectly good men online, and the accusation that others feel it's wrong to do this. So many people have indeed said that it wasn't "right" for me to go and meet a man I've spent months talking to online. Yet they preferred if I went to seedy pubs and bars to pick up guys there but I didn't go to these places, ever. Wonder why they thought that?

There are risks involved, which is why we met at a public place near my home. Of course then he didn't know that. You need to be safe and women who date online meet on those websites and are given guidelines, which is far more than what women are told when it comes to meeting a stranger in the street.

Maybe rethink things. Don't go through life believing that no one else will love you and try not to blame all men for what happened to you.

Yes, there are lots of horrible people out there. Yes, people have done you a lot of wrong, especially when you were younger. And no, there is no "somebody for everyone".

But please, don't just... indulge in "self-pity". Focus on the better parts of life. I agree with you on lots of things, and I always have to watch myself: I'm often leaning towards depression, but I'm determined not to go there again. You see, I think, people somehow can get addicted to depression. As if they get some sort of comfort out of it. They get a certain view of life which gives them assurance of some sort, and will stick to it just for that. Don't be like that. Assurance does not equal happiness, and you really do want to be happy, you might just not realise it.

By the way, not all men are out to use you, and don't forget that you're the one who decides when you're ready for sex. Yes, sex is more important to them than it is to most women, and yes most of them want it pretty much straight away, but that doesn't make them horrible human beings. Just don't f**k them too fast, make them get to know you first, become friends, get him attached to you emotionally, and then do it. Besides, you'll have something to bribe him with whenever needed

I was bullied in school. I've never gotten over it, completely. I have a group of good friends, that I do things with. I also get along with the people that I work with. However, I'm a little uneasy about the teens and young adults, that I see around the shopping mall. I also see my sexed up peers, and their children, wondering what they're teaching them. In a way, it makes me proud to be that unisex looking Ghost of 1965.

I have been picked on since 2nd grade. I never wanted to leave my house for so long and would cry to go home. Thats when the kids started noticing that i was different. I've been picked on ever since. 8th grade,when i was 13, was the worse though. I dressed differently usually in black and i was really dark. (no im not exagerating) I was called a witch was told to burn in h*** told to kill myself had notes left on my desk and all that good stuff. I was also kicked out of school for a hit list i didn't have (up until i was called to the office i had no idea what a hit list was) I still get picked on when certain people see me. Ive been cornered and called a witch not to long ago. I am extreamly paranoid to go to anywhere that someone might know me. When i make new friends i become paranoid that they are also friends with people that pick on me. The only good thing that came out of that is being sent to alternative schools where i wasnt picked on and my intense interest in the salem witch trials. I associate myself to the trials because i was innocently harassed about "witch craft" and they were innocently accused also. I hope this wasnt to long of a rant

Severe PTSD, agression, a "confrontational additude", social anxiety, and paranoia. Today, I will not hesitate to physicaly beat the living daylights out of a bully. I was bullied horribly as a child from preschool to fith grade (my parents took me out to homeschool me) and I can't leave the house without my pet lizard.

Mainly, my already easily ignited anger, is heightened...

If I see someone messing about casually pushing someone smaller than himself, even if it's just goofing off and not actual bullying, I want to go rip that person apart in my naked hands. Just take him apart like wet toilet paper. Even if it's his younger brother and they're both laughing.

Hi ttqs84, my advice is start taking care of YOU now, not sometime in the future. Find value in yourself! Work on the internal, & the rest is sure to follow. Have patience though because it's not something that will happen today, next week, or even by the end of the year. Knowledge is power!

I have been bullied too. In fact, I have been subjected to all kinds of abuse, bullying was only one aspect. I'm 48 now, & it still happens (in my workplace). Like you, it's been a rough road traveled with a lot of painful experiences & memories. I was diagnosed just a short time ago with PTSD from all the traumatic events in my life. It started long before kindergarten, & like I said, still continues today. Even little kids will physically hurt me without provocation (I've had my feet stomped on & shins kicked with no explanation or apology offered by the child or parent). Much to my constant frustration, as the one thing I seek in life is peace & serenity. Somehow they often elude me when I leave my house, because my "broken & ugly" personality makes people mad. I can't help the way I am hard wired, yet people have unrealistic expectations of what my true capabilities are.

I also tend to like to stick to myself where I know it's safe. I have a few women friends, but no one really close. If I go out clothes shopping, it's by myself. It's not lost on me that other women shop in pairs or groups. I see it every store I go in. However I do not need a multitude of human companions as I have learned to prefer solitude. In fact, I would love to live far away from the constant activities of humans...I am reminded of rats, when I observe the way people scurry around. There are never disappointments when you don't step foot outside your comfort zone, but there is intense loneliness. However, I have found a man who is an angel, treats me with respect (we are partners in every sense of the word), & we have a good relationship. We've been together over 6 years now, though we've known each other for more than 10 years. We also met through the internet, but not in a matchmaking site or chat room. You never know where or when Mr or Ms Right will turn up! Sometimes, it seems like we have been together forever, sometimes it feels like we just met. He's also been through his fair share of bad relationships & bullies (school & work too). If I can find someone, so can you. We do a lot of stuff together, just the two of us. We don't need a crowd surrounding us to be happy.

However, you may need to work on your self esteem first. Also you may need to get in tune with your feelings & the actions of others. It's been said that people with ASD often don't get the subtle clues others send us, & we can even be confused by our own feelings. Learn to care for yourself, & instead of seeing yourself as different in a bad way, put a positive spin on it. Martial arts would be one place to start. Or maybe you have another creative interest? Mine is photography & gardening. I wish I would have learned about Aspergers & building my self esteem much sooner. I think I would be much farther along in life than I am now.

I wish someone had given me this kind of advice when I was your age. It would have saved me a lot of heartache, trying to be something or someone I clearly was not.

Good luck to you!

I was bullied Kindergarten till I graduated High School. I was bullied, guys forced themselves on me, beaten up, had fights but never fought back, been threatened and much more. After with the guy I didn't date someone or 5 years. Than I did, I tried it. I won't give up on people because there's dumb people in this world that are out to hurt others. But there are good people out there. I won't give up on love, or friends or my future. I have had flash forwards and nightmares. Recently I did when I walked around my neighborhood to the one spot I got it the worst. I did it had flash backs but I am going to push it until it doesn't run around my mind too much. I still give love and respectful, I am still a kindhearted person. I don't hate others for others wrong doings. I'll always be hurt by that but I gotta get that out and think positively and more forward. So I know how it feels to be bullied, but hopefully you can move forward. It's like saying US hates China, but why hate all chines when most were hear when their was problems with the US. Everyone is their own person so you can't distant from everyone but I am not telling you what to do. Just know there is good people out there

I was pretty much bullied constantly, though rarely did it get physical. Mostly it was verbal abuse. But the sheer level and widespreadedness of it was absolutely unbelievable. People I didn't know were teasing me about stuff that they would have no direct knowledge of. So people were obviously being very vicious behind my back.

But the worst part was, every single boy I went to school with hated me. Every single stinking one of them. Knowing this, why would I ask anyone out (had I even considered such a backaftwards thing in my mind)? I already know they all hate me. And in turn, I didn't like them. So there was ZERO incentive to try.

Now the case is, since there were NO variables growing up, not even one guy that was even remotely nice to me (including all friends of my brothers), I have this problem where in the back of my mind that if any guy DOES meet me or get to know me, they'll hate me straight off. I try not to look unfriendly but now I'm somewhat heavy so I'm not attractive to any but the 'chubby chasers'. I think that alone would scare off most guys.

I've been bullied all throughout my life. It still happens and always will happen. The forms of bullying continually become more sophisticated as people get more skilled at it. If I was back in grade school, I'd catch on quick enough to realize what's going on in order to prevent it.

As it now is for me, by the time I suspect what's going on, it's too late to do anything about it. I have only two choices: either continue to place myself at risk by trusting people until they prove themselves to be guilty OR I take care of myself by not trusting anyone. Guess which one I can't afford anymore?