Fear of other women

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This thread is not about trashing others, its about shared experiences, in the context of this forum. I personally have been bullied by girls and women since early childhood, and I personally have been viciously turned on by women who had professed to be my friend, for no reason other than being spoken to (not flirted with) by a man that the woman was attracted to. I personally have been trashed by women, attacked and threatened by ex girlfriends of men I have dated (ex as in years). My exhusbands wife has been cruel to my son and has accused me of trying to get my ex back, we live 1000 miles apart, and I am the one who moved away. When I say cruel I mean it. These are not some petty girl hate complaints, these are my real life experiences of girls and women hating and threatening ME. And all the other posts were also honest experiences, being shared on a forum that is supposed to be safe to do that.

i have also had some extremely bad experiences, but i would not write off women as an entire gender (with "exceptions") just because of that. i had to experience counsellor intervention in school because i was at risk for going literally postal as a result of of the bullying i experienced, not to mention the therapy because of my treatment att he hands of my sisters and mother (physically hurt? check. ridiculed? check. humiliated? check. it can go on and on...)

there is really no excuse for assuming that all women are as bad as the specific women who hurt me, though.

You seem to misunderstand what the term 'Girl Hate' means.

We are not 'hating on them' we are discussing the issues that we have with other women as a whole - yes, GENERALLY SPEAKING!! ! Dun dun dun!! ! When talking about a specific group of people we do have to generalise, we cannot account for every single variation but we can address the issues that group as a whole face and the specific similarities shared within that specific group.

That doesn't mean we exclude all people based on their sex/gender, but that we have had bad experiences because the majority of women do show these similarities, it makes us weary and makes socialising with them difficult...we are not writing them off, I don't make a conscious decision not to get along with women, just like aspies on the whole don't make a conscious decision to find getting along with people in general difficult.

Girl Hate is a very specific phenomenon amongst women in the Western world, we're not saying all women participate in it but that all women are exposed to these social norms and social conditioning, as such generally speaking women tend to be more inclined to this sort of aggression towards other women. Leora Tanenbaum wrote two books on the subject and it's widely known in the feminist community, it's real enough for it to be widely recognised as a problem amongst women...not amongst men, WOMEN. This is what we are 'hating on', we hate women who are b*tchy to each other and who pull each other down, we are saying that we don't want to be part of that - we don't hate women, but hate how women are expected to act or how they're made to act.

This is one of many examples of women being different to men and why then we find it harder with women than with men. If YOU don't have a problem socialising with other women then great, actually FANTASTIC, but please don't come here making out that because we face problems with socialising with other women that we are being sexist. If you can't say something nice...

i am arguing that i am seeing the exact same hate within this thread that has been identified in the broader society. i do not think that women set out to hate other women, but i think that they default to the same generalizations that men make, and that it is destructive into female interpersonal relationships. i think that asserting the stereotypes within this thread is creating a microcosm of the same larger issue.

you have your perspective and i have mine. there isn't a correct answer to this, in spite of what you believe to be the case.

EDITED to remove nastiness.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 25 Apr 2011, 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

so, i don't think i effectively expressed my point at all, so i will try again. many of us have had bad experiences with women, an while i wish everyone could at least try to give each otehr a chance, obviously that's not going to happen. it makes me sad, but i can't change that.

but the sexism in the thread is not in people's heartfelt personal experiences. the sexism is in the conclusions they drew from the experiences - the generalizations about ALL women. there is a difference between speaking of your own feelings around women, i.e. "i feel upset because i wonder if they are judging me," and making gross generalizations, i.e. "women are judgemental."

i've gone a copied a few of them to show what i mean, but i changed the subject to ASIANS to better illustrate my point. it wouldn't be okay to talk about ASIANS like that, so i do not personally think it would be okay to talk about women like that.

adding personal experiences or exceptions to the statements does not make these types of generalizations any less sexist (or racist) in my perspective.

So many times throughout my life, I've been stabbed in the back by other women. They've purposely set out to steal my boyfriends, talk crap behind my back, and destroy my other friendships. There have been girls who have looked me directly in the face and were cheating with my bf. It's disgusting. I've not had many girls who are close friends. I find that women who are long married, gamer geeks, or craft geeks are less likely to be out to destroy me so those are the ones I maintain some sort of friendship with. "Beautiful people", rah-rah types, spotlight chasers, and single women are the ones I avoid. Stereotyping? Yes. I'm sure someone will get mad at me for that, but I've been in too many bad situations not to have learned certain types of people attract certain types of situations. They get these attitudes like they're untouchable or above others and don't care who they stomp on.

On another note, I do get along with men better, but I've also been looked down on for that too, like I'm sleeping around or something. Not so much since I've been in the same relationship for almost 4 years.

I don't hate women but I have experienced intense fear with many. I think I have a harder time reading women than I do men which may be part of the reason. However I don't see it being really a fear of women issue as it is a people one. Men can be just as intimidating but in a different way than females. I've been bullied by both. As to the OP, I don't think this is an isolated phenomenon. I have heard many women express how much they can't stand each other. I'm not sure why except maybe it's part of our competitive instinct. We are easily intimidated by that which reflects ourselves. Then again maybe it's part of our culture. We as a people have a history of putting women down much more than men.

Doesnt give much hope for the "fight against misogyny" does it. when even women feel this bad about womankind. Myself I despise both genders.

There are a few women that I get on ok with, but I avoid women I don't know, they do scare me. Especially the ones that are 'aggressively girly'. The kinds who jabber loudly about inane tv shows, have a rabid obsession with fashion, and form the most terrifying pack of all - the hen night party! I run away from hen parties, they're terrifying. For me, every strange woman is one of those in waiting, it's unnerving.

I often feel very uncomfortable around NT woman. When I have to be in a group with them I start to feel very depressed, excluded and inferior and tbh it just makes me want to leave because it's just invokes feelings of rejection from when I was younger(like, 8 years old or younger[it's kind of depressing to think that I became apathetic at that age tbh])(whereas now I'm more content with solitary, I guess it's just in forced situations where I have to interact with NT woman that I feel uncomfortable because it reminds me of when I would go out of my way to engage with NT woman and be rejected).

Even on a one-to-one basis I often just feel so uncomfortable, and they always seem to take offense with what I say. Whenever I'm in a new class I always hate it if I end up sitting next to a female since I know it's just going to be awkward. I'm taking Maths and Science subjects now so thankfully that won't happen much now, but I always did hate it.

I get along with men so much more, they're a lot less judgemental, and I guess I sort of understand the 'mechanics' as such of their insults and ways. I feel on some level equal to men and somewhat able to compete with them, if such an opportunity for them to put me down arises. With females I feel completely incompetent, and I guess this makes me feel venerable.

I guess the fact that homosocial interaction should be inherently easy for my self as a human makes the constant rejection from other females all the more depressing. I've never really had a best female friend. The few females I've felt I was close to(and even then, I've not been close to a female for years) I've only been close to for at most a year, and any current 'friendships' I have with females have been of a very superficial nature.

In contrast, I tend to have far more meaningful discussions with males and feel that if I wanted to I could go to them for advice.

Strangely, I have a preference to AS females over AS males, and NT males over AS males. AS males over NT females obviously. These are generalisations though, I'm sure there are exceptions.

I do distrust a lot of women, or just don't relate to them in general.

I've met lots that were like me and totally normal, though, not aspie-ish at all, just sort of odd.

But a lot of women do have ulterior motives or some kind of crazy lingering beneath the service...or are just "programmed" somehow, like a Fembot and refuse to acknowledge anything that isn't directly related to their way of life or what they deem acceptable.

So I get along with more men, but have had male and female best friends. Just harder for me to find women that think more like I do.

I get along really well with nerdy guys.
I like the things they like, and they always seem really amazed and happy to hear me go on about Star Wars or the latest video game.
I like them even better if they have a nervous tick or something, because then I don't worry so much that they'll be judgemental if I do/say something weird.
My husband was wringing his jacket when I first saw him. I liked him right away.

I only used to get intimidated by women when I actually cared about trying to be more stereotypically like one. This used to happen a lot more when I was younger.

I think my 'fear' of women was actually a projected fear of myself. I was ashamed of how psychologically androgynous I am. I was ashamed of my homosexual tendencies. I was afraid other women would be afraid of these things and think I was some kind of monster, if they ever found out. I am actually in awe of women. Mentally though, I don't feel like a woman. However, because society sees me as a woman and because I have to physically go through the same stuff as women do, I identify with them.

There are aspects of life unique to being female. I totally fail at relating to lots of women when it comes to little things, don't get me wrong, but I do have some general affinity with their lot in life.

Same here. When I was a kid I felt like a boy in a lot of ways and got along with them well, but still had some female friends.

I feel transgendered in some ways, but I guess I like the benefits of appearing like a feminine woman to most people, there are some perks and I don't understand denying that. I don't know, I'm not angry at The Man, or anything like that so even though I do feel like a man, being a woman is okay too.

But I don't feel strongly male, I don't have macho interests or anything, so I'm also psychologically androgynous like what you describe.

I feel exactly this way, but around kids.. like 8-16 kind of kids.
I can see why some women would feel this way around women, but I have never felt very feminine. I guess this means I feel like a kid? But like a big stupid weird version of one. And it gets worse the older I get, because I am less like a kid but I still feel like one.

i feel like a kid too. sometimes people even point out that i am wearing something that is intended for a younger person, or i will get enjoyment from childish activities. i go through phases where i try hard to be more of a grownup, but i always relapse.