"You'd be so pretty if you tried."

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every time i look at this forum, I try to picture the same scenario, only this time played out by males.

guys would never say to each other: dude, you'd be so hot if you tried. Because that would be weeeiiirrrd.

when left alone in an environment almost completely devoid of females, guys simply do not care how they dress, much less anybody else. I've been in the military, I'd know. Privates would be traipsing around the barracks wearing only their undies and rifle (because of the heat) if the sergeant wasn't around to chew their a** off.

Moral of the story: guys only dress up for girls. If not, the only expectation is to wear sufficient clothing to cover up your junk.

I love tight clothes, high heels and looking feminine-- I wear heels nearly every day, they make me feel confident. I don't wear any makeup though-- I own exactly one lipgloss, one lipstick and one tube of mascara that is probably so old it'll give you an eye infection if you look at it.
I also have very short hair and especially the hair has gotten me some weird comments; when I cut my hair short for the first time (at 14, I went from hair that reached past my ribcage to a short bob because I was obsessed with Yelle, a French artist), my own mother told me that 'boys don't like that'. Yes, because my life is about getting a boyfriend. Thank you mother.
I now have hair so short it doesn't even touch my ears (and I'm thinking about shaving one side). When I showed my new hair to my neighbour a few weeks ago, she said: 'Your hair's that short? And you don't wear makeup? Wow...'. She looked at me as if I was crazy. I still don't know what she was implying, but I'm quite sure she was thinking I'd 'be pretty if I tried'.

I get the impression that people who tell me this are somehow trying to rescue me. As though I'd never heard before in my entire life that I would look "better" if I wore makeup and heels and tight clothes. (Am I the only one who prefers my hair down? I can't handle the feeling of having it up, all bunched up and pulling on my scalp.)

I get it from men and women alike. I've taken bits and pieces of their advice from time to time and found that people do treat me differently. They pay more attention to me - but I don't like that. If I want attention I'll just be goofy or funny or extroverted, and sometimes I do and it works pretty well. They say that I'll never find a mate if I don't change my appearance, but anyone who doesn't like the way I look when I'm comfortable isn't going to be worth my time anyway. I'd rather be alone than pander.

I've heard this my whole life from both men and women. I tried to take the advice, but always "failed" because I hate beauty products and spending time on grooming. I'm a nervous wreck if I have to dress up for something, because I have no idea how to dress appropriately for anything. At the age of 40 something I even tried hypnotherapy to make myself more feminine, and for awhile forced myself to wear nicer clothes (by my standards), jewelry and some makeup. Then last year I discovered I have AS, and said to hell with all that. Now I have a no-maintenance haircut, don't touch makeup, wear only super comfortable clothes, rarely shave, and get help picking out clothes if I am being dragged to a dress-up occasion. Luckily my boyfriend loves me this way.

Seriously I get it all the time even when I look like a lot of other people around me, particularly when I'm at church... I have this one so called "friend" who I'm trying to avoid for this reason... saying that I should pretty myself up. Wear make-up and have my hair in a pretty style...

why? at my church the women wear skirts or dresses that are at least knee-length and tops that cover the shoulders and hide cleavage so, i fit it with everyone there when I'm wearing my empire-line dresses and cardigans (I hate calling them maxi-dresses... the style has been around for 2 hundred years and now they want to call them maxi dresses?) I'm dressed modestly and my hair is up (I hate loose hair because I moult and the hair falls on my skin and makes me itchy). I'm starting to wear make-up a bit, but I don't bother wearing it everyday. I'm a cleaner of a building site so I just get dirty anyway and I really dont want to have the cat-calls from the builders....

I always make sure I'm clean... but for me its jeans, t-shirt, hoodie and trainers/sneakers also.

I got it just once, when I was forced to join a team in order to do a class assignment. I went to a teammate's house and she noticed the smoothness of my hair and told me that it'd look so pretty if I made an effort to style it and that she wished she had my hair. Yeah? Well... though luck girl! Blame genetics. Anyway, I just dress with what I find more comfortable.

My family says this all the time, my mother suggests me things to wear, my father points out my hair all the time and particularly my sister is telling me again and again I should do something about it. She once said: you look like a homeless.

I moved around a lot in HS and every new place I always ended up having some really popular -I don't really understand why they were viewed in this way but I heard it from others "you know her?"- girl take me under her wing. They would spend a whole long time fixing me up and trying to make me look "pretty". They'd be like: Nicole, if you'd just do this or that you'd look so amazing, you have model features, ya know. I'd play along for the day because it was kinda fun in that small dose. The next week I'd be right back to wearing my plaid fleece men's pj pants, my oversized homer simpson sweatshirt and my steel-toed boots....cause they're super comfy, they don't make me feel like I'm choking and heavy shoes don't make me feel like I'm gonna fall over (I have really poor balance).

Also, when I was younger in the group home the 'family teacher" used to always get really mad at me because I wouldn't let her dress me up and I preferred to wear t-shirts (she wanted me to be a pageant girl) I used to get into SO MUCH trouble. But I'd rather be in trouble than be physically miserable.

^_^ Although, I do have a fuzzy kitty ear hat that I love wearing...that's fashionable, right? Meow!

-Soft and fuzzy things are comfier to me-

I have gotten that before but as I have gotten older it has stopped. Maybe I'm so ugly now that even if I tried I wouldn't be pretty! LOL. If someone dropped that on me now I would reply, "So would you!"

I don't get the, "you'd be so pretty if you tried harder", but when I do "try harder", I get people telling me, "oh you look nice" It usually happens when I spend a hour drying my hair, and making my arms sore. I can't do that every day. I have the itchy issues with make-up that others have mentioned, I try to wear make-up occasionally, but my eyesight is so bad that when I take off my glasses to do my eye make-up, I can't see what I am doing in the mirror. I broke out in huge welts when I tried foundation, so I never use it.

I know that I would look better if I no longer had cystic acne or glasses, that would make the biggest difference. Contacts didn't work out, I developed an eye-blinking tic that is still there (although it is now on-and-off) 6 years later. I can't afford a dermatologist either, and efforts by my GP to clear my acne were foiled by my sensitive skin.

Money is a huge issue, I don't have the money to afford products that could possibly compensate for my sensory and motor issues.

I get "You would look soo muc prettier if you would just stop covering up your natural beauty!" -_____-

little do they know, I have no desire to be pretty...so I don't care.

My favorite Aunt recently called my hair "your one beauty". Seriously. Like she's Amy from Little Women. She's really the only person who says anything about the way I look. Some of the things she says can feel like intentionally hurtful barbs but after years of observation I've come to the conclusion that she's very insecure about her own looks and ends up foisting that insecurity onto me. Also, she's the first to admit she has a bit of a problem with empathy.

I've decided to just do what I want with myself. I'm going back to the really short hair that I've always liked best on me. I've discovered recently that I do actually like some girly things. I like my skin to look even and smooth, so I sometimes do put on a bit of makeup. On the whole I think I'm an average looking woman. A bit plump, but not unattractive. Forgettable by design.