Which is worse in a relationship?

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again, I am forced to conclude that [paraphrasing Katherine Hepburn] "men and women are not so well suited to each other, maybe they should just visit together now and then."

I chose violence because it can inflict scars both mentally and physically and invokes fear, sure cheating hurts and is an act of betrayal and also makes the partner feel unloved as well as inadequite it can also cause some mental damage as well, abusive partners tend to do both.

I would not put violence past a cheater.

That's a very extreme view. People commit adultery all the time and it doesn't mean there was abuse going on, nor does it mean that the person would want to inflict violence on anyone. Like I said, pepple have no obligation to keep in a committed relationship with someone (but I agree that cheating is a slimy thing to do).

Violence. Cheating is sneaky and disgusting, but at least they're only abusing their own body. Both would end a relationship for me, but an assault would also become a police matter.

I chose cheating. Either offense would cause me to walk away (or at least push for serious counseling), but cheating would lead to more lingering damage. If my partner hit me, I would feel betrayed, but the attack would give me the resolve to be stronger on my own and choose my future partner more carefully; cheating, on the other hand, would completely tear apart my self-esteem for years after the event. He didn't just lash out in a single fit of rage, he made a deliberate choice to pursue another woman entirely. I wouldn't just be harmed, but also replaced. THAT would sting.

i have to disagree with that--if you are in a committed sexual relationship and you step outside that relationship and engage in sex with someone else, you are exposing your long-term partner to potentially contracting STDs (lots of couples who've been together for a long time no longer use condoms). you are taking risks with someone else's health without telling them, and that seems like infringing on their rights to me.

This is very true, and it is a point most people fail to consider before going out and cheating. Even if the cheater is very sly and leaves no other traces, the cheater's partner may still find out about the transgression the hard way. Intercourse is not the only way to contract a sexually transmitted infection, so using a condom would not prevent this...STIs can be transmitted by any contact of mucous membranes, or, in some instances, by coming into contact with the blood of an infected individual. Sure, cheaters could always use protection during oral sex, and they could avoid coming into contact with the blood of their hidden partners, but there's always that chance that something could go wrong (the condom breaking, etc.). It's much simpler--and right!--to just not cheat.

"Buuut, buut, I'm so unhappy with my current partner!" So? Cheating won't help. If you are dissatisfied with your current partner, then you should assess your relationship and make one of two decisions: 1.) Figure out why you're unhappy, and work with your partner to try and make things better, or 2.) Walk away. This would hurt your partner at the time, but it is far better than betraying his/her trust by cheating.

A friend of mine said once that "A man is only as faithful as his options." Seems a bit cynical, but my experience has shown the statement to be pretty much on the mark.

Violence is most definitely worse. I've never heard of anyone dying from being cheated on unless they committed suicide.

or contracted something like HIV or hepatitis from their two-timing partner.

Not to mention what can be passed on by the mouth. Sure a woman can be protected by a condom, but what men can bring home to their wives (and kids should they share a drink/food)

^^^^ The above reply and some other assume that it is the man doing the cheating. Women can do it too.

Did you read my entire post?? It mentions both.... (condom = mouth) if I must get graphic.

Both are equal in my eyes and would be grounds for an immediate divorce. I have had both happen to me by different partners, never again.

Excellent question/survey. I like the way you think.

I will not accept cheating or violence from anyone. We live from Love or Fear. I prefer to live from Love and Love excludes deceit, lying and/or other emotional, psychological or physical abuse/pain. It is not acceptable...ever.

I take my time getting to know a potential friend/partner/lover. Even if that person is a little negative or cruel online, in a text, over the phone, I set a boundary. I tell them that's unacceptable. If you accept any form of abuse, cruelty or violence, no matter how minimal, you become the victim and that will never change. You will experience it over and over, most likely more intensely each time it happens.

There are many individuals lurking about purposely seeking victims. They will lure you in and prey upon you if you allow it. Please don't think you have to accept such treatment or behavior from any one, especially in a relationship. Remember to love and respect yourself, follow your gut feeling about others, and know you are worth the love of a good person who has no need to hurt you.