calling a woman,''beautiful''

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Joined: 16 Feb 2011
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20 Mar 2014, 1:00 am

No, do not do that.

Here's what annoys me about this: the world is full of books, blogs, articles, you name it answering your question. Discussing *at length* why it's horrible for women to have to live with men leering at them all the time and reducing them to "f***able or not". All. the. time. Horrible. Demeaning. Impoverishing. Assaultive. Intimidating. Undermining.

Go find and read these things.

If a member of the department I worked in did that to me, and I was able to record it happening, his career would be over. If a freelance client did that to me, he'd find himself out on the sidewalk with his work unfinished. As a middle-aged woman, I no longer put up with this s**t, and am no longer polite about it.

I often find random people attractive-looking, but they aren't there for my use and pleasure. That's not why they got up and got dressed that day. And that's why I keep my mouth shut about how they look.

LKL
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20 Mar 2014, 1:03 am

billiscool wrote:

LKL wrote:

The other thing about telling a woman that she's pretty is that you're saying, 'I'm seeing you right now as a female, and not as a boss/secretary/doctor/nurse/bus driver/clerk/civil servant/whatever.' Most of the women I know - and this isn't universal, but most of the women I know - want to be treated as their role, especially at work, rather than as their gender. That is, they want to be your colleague, not your sex interest. Your neighbor, not your sex interest. Your barista, not your sex interest. Etc.

well,yes.guys like pretty girls.
I told my dentist,she's pretty(or attractive).
ok,she a very pretty dentist.I actual told her,that she's an attractive dentist.

it's fine and dandy for you to be attracted to women. It's not fine and dandy for you to treat women like their primary purpose in life is to be attractive to you, and to give them verbal pats on the head if they meet your criteria for what makes a good (attractive) woman. If you decide what dentist to go to, or make dental health decisions, based on whether or not your dentist is attractive to you, then you're a fool, and she'll probably be thinking so. If she's an excellent dentist and that's why you go to her, she'll probably be much more flattered if you told her that than if you told her that she's 'pretty.'

AspieOtaku
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20 Mar 2014, 3:20 am

Some women might be offended if you call them pretty out of the blue but for extra lulz if you call them fat and ugly it will make things worse and they will either scowl at you or cry!

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Schneekugel
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20 Mar 2014, 4:33 am

Because of you guys thinking it would be about a male/female issue, and not simply about an issue of bad behavior to approach people without invitation. You are invited to give random man compliments about their attractivity, and see if they react better. XD

GivePeaceAChance
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20 Mar 2014, 11:45 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

Some women might be offended if you call them pretty out of the blue but for extra lulz if you call them fat and ugly it will make things worse and they will either scowl at you or cry!

just plain - stop telling random people about their appearance! stop judging people by their exterior

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League_Girl
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20 Mar 2014, 12:24 pm

Just don't give women any compliments about their bodies or looks or what they have on unless they are your wife or girlfriend. Better safe than sorry.

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NinsMom
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20 Mar 2014, 9:49 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:

Some women might be offended if you call them pretty out of the blue but for extra lulz if you call them fat and ugly it will make things worse and they will either scowl at you or cry!

Or they might just slap you upside your tiny anime head... :lol:

billiscool
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20 Mar 2014, 10:52 pm

LKL wrote:

If you decide what dentist to go to, or make dental health decisions, based on whether or not your dentist is attractive to you, then you're a fool, and she'll probably be thinking so. If she's an excellent dentist and that's why you go to her, she'll probably be much more flattered if you told her that than if you told her that she's 'pretty.'

she just happen to be my dentist.it just luck

billiscool
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20 Mar 2014, 10:56 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Just don't give women any compliments about their bodies or looks or what they have on unless they are your wife or girlfriend. Better safe than sorry.

well,some women(unattractive women)should be happy
someone compliment them.

but,no,they get mad,why?

Atom1966
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20 Mar 2014, 11:24 pm

The same goes for all these unattractive men that populate the earth.

LKL
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20 Mar 2014, 11:27 pm

billiscool wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Just don't give women any compliments about their bodies or looks or what they have on unless they are your wife or girlfriend. Better safe than sorry.

well,some women(unattractive women)should be happy
someone compliment them.

but,no,they get mad,why?

they "should be grateful," eh? Why is that? That sort of sounds like you think that women somehow need compliments to get buy from day to day, regardless of what they look like, and that an unattractive woman should, like a beggar who will take any dollar even if accompanied by an insult, take what they can get.

I'm not fugly, but I do know that being lied to makes me angry, even if it's a lie couched in flattery.

tarantella64
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20 Mar 2014, 11:41 pm

LKL wrote:

billiscool wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Just don't give women any compliments about their bodies or looks or what they have on unless they are your wife or girlfriend. Better safe than sorry.

well,some women(unattractive women)should be happy
someone compliment them.

but,no,they get mad,why?

Exactly. And why so many guys are convinced that their horniness is some kind of gift to women...you know, it's not special. There's three billion horny guys on the planet. Unless we already like and want you, your desire to screw is not interesting, nor is it a compliment.

cubedemon6073
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21 Mar 2014, 4:11 pm

LKL wrote:

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

LKL wrote:

Saying, 'you are beautiful,' is a somewhat more polite way of saying, 'I find you sexually attractive,' which from a strange male is the equivalent of saying, 'I am potentially dangerous, watch your back.'
If she knows you, and knows that you're not actually dangerous, she's more likely to take it as the compliment that you mean it as.

Well, in my case the girl DID know me and we DID have some nice conversations (remember I'm painfully shy) and I guess that's where us males differ. If a girl I knew told me she wanted to (censored) my (censored) I would be over the world happy even if I wasn't interested. Before you say it, yes I have been sexually assaulted both in school by a "macho man" bully who would kill someone for being gay and by my ex girlfriend.

I guess this is another example of an Aspie male thinking and speaking literally. If I found her sexually attractive, I would come out and say it. I will have to keep that in mind although I have to admit it makes zero sense to me. I mean what I say and say what I mean and find it hard to be any other way.

would you be as happy if a man who outweighed you by 50 lbs told you that he wanted to (censored) your (censored), whether you were interested or not?

The other thing about telling a woman that she's pretty is that you're saying, 'I'm seeing you right now as a female, and not as a boss/secretary/doctor/nurse/bus driver/clerk/civil servant/whatever.' Most of the women I know - and this isn't universal, but most of the women I know - want to be treated as their role, especially at work, rather than as their gender. That is, they want to be your colleague, not your sex interest. Your neighbor, not your sex interest. Your barista, not your sex interest. Etc.

I understand everything you're saying except one part and if you do not mind will you provide clarification.

You stated:

Quote:

Aren't you supposed to see the woman as both a female and her role? All women are females is a tautology that is based upon the law of identity. How would one not see a woman as a female? If I see a female then to me she is a female. How can one perceive it any different? When I see women to me they're women by the law of identity whether I know their role or not. Why isn't one supposed to perceive that a woman is a woman or a woman is a female?

Eureka13
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21 Mar 2014, 5:08 pm

I'm going to go ahead and state something that most men don't know about most women. Thanks to the media and society being on a mission to convince all of us we're not good enough the way we are*, there are very few women in the world (maybe <1%) who honestly believe they're beautiful. So aside from it being a cheesy pickup line, when a man walks up to a woman and says "hi, beautiful" or some permutation thereof, her automatic reaction is going to be "you lying SOB, you're just trying to get in my pants!"

*when you think about it, every advertisement or commercial you see is delivering the message "if only you used our product your life could be happy and perfect just like these happy, perfect people in our ad!" Constant bombardment with images of perfect people having perfect lives when EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US REAL PEOPLE has something less than perfect going on with ourselves or with our lives, or both, can't help but undermine our confidence. Women are particularly susceptible to this because we are traditionally valued more for what we look like than for who we are.

GivePeaceAChance
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22 Mar 2014, 5:18 am

cubedemon6073 wrote:

LKL wrote:

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

LKL wrote:

The other thing about telling a woman that she's pretty is that you're saying, 'I'm seeing you right now as a female, and not as a boss/secretary/doctor/nurse/bus driver/clerk/civil servant/whatever.' Most of the women I know - and this isn't universal, but most of the women I know - want to be treated as their role, especially at work, rather than as their gender. That is, they want to be your colleague, not your sex interest. Your neighbor, not your sex interest. Your barista, not your sex interest. Etc.

I understand everything you're saying except one part and if you do not mind will you provide clarification.

You stated:

Quote:

Aren't you supposed to see the woman as both a female and her role? All women are females is a tautology that is based upon the law of identity. How would one not see a woman as a female? If I see a female then to me she is a female. How can one perceive it any different? When I see women to me they're women by the law of identity whether I know their role or not. Why isn't one supposed to perceive that a woman is a woman or a woman is a female?

you can PERCEIVE my gender all you want but if I am your boss or in most interactions outside of meetinng me specifically for dating/or more then deal with the subject at hand. By going out of your way as a man to point out my appearance you are saying "all I see you as is an object for me to use"

AspieOtaku
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22 Mar 2014, 10:41 am

NinsMom wrote:

AspieOtaku wrote:

Some women might be offended if you call them pretty out of the blue but for extra lulz if you call them fat and ugly it will make things worse and they will either scowl at you or cry!

Or they might just slap you upside your tiny anime head... :lol:

Well to be safe I don't do those things or say those things! :lol:

I simply don't talk to them and ignore them.

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