What do you think about housewives and feminism?

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I would absolutely love nothing more than to be a housewife. but I would have to be one of those rich ones who goes gym every day.

Unfortunately the opportunity has never arisen for me.

Well I'm not unhappy really I can make my own money but it would be nice for someone to do all the donkey work for me.

two thoughts:

First, part of being a feminist is what you demonstrate, suggest and teach to the next generation about women's roles. In this sense, I think adopting some domestic roles as well as some wage-earning roles gives your daughters the most choices and your sons the broadest minds.

Second, I really wasn't very happy nor very good raising kids. I'm not patient and staying at home was too intellectually and socially unstimulating for me. So it's not for every mother, even though it might afford certain advantages to home and family.

No time for the gym. I clean the house, cook, do the laundry, pay the bills, take care of the dogs, mend the clothes, cook the meals, shop for the food, make the doctors appointments, handle the business, get broken things fixed, and basically do everything that has to be done.

I wish I was one of the rich ones with a maid that could go to the gym, but I don't call them housewives. I call them "ladies who lunch" because they aren't doing the housework. LOL

I've gone out and worked from time to time when I needed to or just wanted to because I was going nuts. I also didn't mind putting them in daycare a day or so a week for a month or two just for time to not be insane. Three in diapers with one four years older is a lot to handle.

Also, even though my husband is the main bread winner, I'm the one who wears the pants. We both like it that way. He sucks at business, bills, decisions and confrontations, so it's all up to me. I am good at that and I know it's being done right when I do it. So he just lifts the heavy s**t now that I'm 51 and too tired to do it myself anymore.

^
You're a remarkable person, OOM. Your husband is lucky to have someone so strong beside him.

I appreciate that. I'm lucky to have him as well. He's very strong too. We are strong in different ways mostly but we are in the same way about a few things. I complain about him a lot when I'm mad at him or he does something f****d up but I wouldn't trade him for anything. Not even a Johnny Depp with a side of Russell Brand and a Adrian Paul from 1992 for dessert. Overall, nobody out there would fit quite as well.

Here's something strange. When we got married we had to take a test first. We were put in separate rooms and hadn't known it was coming so there was no way we could cheat or study, and no reason to, it's not like he's gonna say no. But when he "graded" them he was amazed. He said we had matched up perfectly and he had never seen that. We were shocked but didn't think that was so strange. I guess it was. We fuss and fight from time to time but we love each other and are both really happy with each other. He works really hard every day (yeah I know he's been out of work from time to time, but mostly he works and when he does he works hard) and doesn't go out or want to spend the money on a bass boat or even to go to football games. He'd rather just watch them from home. Football is really his only "thing" other than watching tv, and he spends money on beer but not all that much and he drinks cheap whiskey so he doesn't blow the money or anything. He doesn't complain about what I spend, but I don't go shopping and buy this and that and all. I get what we need and pay the bills. When we have a complaint with the other one, we certainly voice it, and sometimes that goes good and sometimes it doesn't but both of us know that neither of us is going anywhere. We are with who we want to be with. I really did luck out. My life is not perfect by any means, but it's mine and I'm happy with the people in it and I have what I need and a few of the things I want, so I can't really complain about anything for real. We have great relationships with our kids, (even the oldest one who didn't talk to me for a few years when he was with that baby mama of his cause she hated me and there was drama) and we do things as a family and actually like spending time with each other. The kids enjoy doing things with each other and like to do things with us or just come by and chill with us, and that's actually not as common as I had thought it was. I came from a f****d up situation and this is all I know for family life, but lots of families don't just really enjoy each other.

Thanks for posting what you did, because answering you got me to thinking about all this and it's made me happy to stop and think about it, when it's always just something that is just there. I'm glad I put it into words and paid some attention to appreciating it. Thank you again! I never think about good things in my life really. I might mention them but I don't usually think about them like I did writing this.

Good to hear it opened a new line of thought for you, I'm not big on "niceties" and rarely have time to come here these days any way. But I've often found your posts to be unusual and thought provoking - even when I disagree with you - so my appreciation is genuine.

The thread caught my eye because I've always been very adamant about not wanting to marry a woman who wants to be a housewife, not all that common for my generation. I admit I've never met one like you though

I've been married for quite a while myself and believe that the main thing that keeps a marriage working well (many don't really break but turn into a living hell) is staying allies, everything else can be negotiated and even re-negotiated along the way. But staying on the same side, especially during crisis is key.

Power struggles and selfishness are often overruling love and respect in human relationships, at least in my experience. Yourself and your husband seem to be able to switch between leading and following based on each other's real strengths, instead of perceived or imaginary ones and that's not that common either.

Neither is the way you take responsibility for yourself and your life, especially in a world that seems to increasingly see admitting fault as a weakness or in the atmosphere of this forum, where so many are blaming others and the whole world for everything bad in their lives, while taking the good things for granted. Human nature, huh?

I'm glad you're happy, I grew up without any family whatsoever and find similar solace and happiness in the one I have now

I didn't plan on being a housewife in the beginning. I worked until I had my first baby and a little while after that. Eventually I stayed home because daycare for a part time job was too expensive and I couldn't get full time at the hospital at that point in time. When he was little was also when I did the PI work and the bounty hunter work and during the first Gulf War when there was no work in my husbands field was when I went back to work for a while and he stayed home with our son. That was when I got the job at the vets office and was a vet tech and later on at another vets office I was the vet gas passer for surgery. I had NO experince for any of those jobs at all but just talked my way into them because I wanted to. I also worked at the funeral home during that time too.

Then when I had our second baby, shortly followed by our third and fourth (you ovulate before your first period when you are nursing a baby, so that's why we have Irish Triplets like that) the day care would have killed us and plus, being the spawn of mothers who had careers, we both thought it would be better for me to stay home with them. We both grew up wanting one of those stay at home moms like on TV. So that is what I did. I became Donna Reed with a twist. I enjoyed it. We all did.

My kids always brag on how they had the "good mom". The one who was always home and always there for them. They are also a rare breed because they all point out that of all their friends they are the only ones whose real parents are still together. No half siblings, no step siblings and both their mom and dad are their biological parents and still married. We are like a side show attraction for that. And other reasons which I'm sure you have figured out as well lol.

I didn't choose this, it just sort of happened. I wouldn't have it any other way now though. It's also not as easy as it sounds. It takes all day to get everything done and it's more than just cooking and cleaning. I never will forget this one douchbag a**hole on here who told me he feels sorry for my husband who goes out and works all day while I lay around the house eating bonbons. Those are the exact words that piece of s**t said to me. What the f**k kind of mother did he have then? I'd LOVE to lay around the house eating bonbons and do nothing. But I don't and can't. It's a job to take care of everything for everybody.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it. For real.

Only an imbecile and/or someone who doesn't have children or never had to care for them would be that deluded. Or maybe he was trolling.


I hope I didn't leave the impression I think housewives are lazy Due to the way I grew up it was very important for me to make sure that in case anything happens to me my wife would be capable of taking care of our kids and herself without being taken advantage of.

No, you didn't leave that impression at all.

There is a great book which discusses staying at home as a feminist choice, "Homeward Bound" by Emily Matchar

I think that women and men should be able to decide what they want to do in terms of childcare and staying at home and it's no one else's business what they decide. I hate those extreme feminists who get on stay-at-home mother's cases and I hate those crazy stay-at-home moms who say that career women's children are only going to know their nanny. It's like; butt out- no one cares what you think!!

Do whatever makes you happy.

...and also this:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasse ... ing-women/

The only way for this to change, is when the stay-at-home husband role becomes as common as the housewife (and both as accepted by society)....or if the role of housewife go extinct (Meaning all go working).
As long there's still this huge gap in the role of house parenting (ie. 40% of women as housewives while only 2% of men are househusbands) - then this attitude of male employers and the wage gap will persist.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 17 Sep 2015, 9:16 am, edited 3 times in total.

Bullsh*t. Feminism is about women being free to choose whatever life they want. Insulting your choice, that hurts the feminist cause.

edit - just to be clear, I'm not calling your comment bullsh*t. I'm saying it's bullsh*t for people to say that to you.

If you go through comments about housewife topics in Jezebel - you'll see some active members there do have bitterness toward housewives and stay-at-home moms; OOM is not imagining stuff from nowhere, this attitude exists even if feminism in principle isn't again housewivery.

I wasn't saying she was imagining stuff from nowhere.
I was trying to say, "It's terrible that people criticize your choice."
(I know, the "bullsh*t" remark was a little unclear)

Feminism is the belief that women should be free to choose their own lives, and that they should not be treated as a lesser gender or confined to traditional roles. I don't feel that women who criticize other women's life choices are true feminists. It's just as wrong to tell a woman she must have a career as it is to tell her she can't or shouldn't.