Does anyone else HATE sex sometimes?

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Not really black and white. I think everyone could benefit from a loving relationship, even if sex isn't involved. But if there's a mutual understanding in that department, and both of the couple feel comfortable in any situation together, thats a nice thing to have.

Why do you keep spelling my username wrong?

I'm far from living the way I want to live, its complicated. But i'm fighting to get where I want to be, and giving up isn't in my nature. It annoys me to see others just being so negative. "Oh, i'm a virgin, and its the world's fault" "i'll never get a girlfriend" Thats pathetic.

I didn't say things were fine and dandy :/

And i'm not really that traditional, I like to experiment. If a girl was doing what you were doing though, i'd think she was just feeling uncomfortable.

^ I hope you know that telling a depressed person to "buck up and do it" or that they're "just not trying hard enough" often does more harm than good.

(Doesn't seem to apply in millie's case, but just throwing that out there since it seems to be an issue.)

I know plenty about depression thanks.

I suppose I may have taken the word 'pathetic' differently than intended. I looked it up in the dictionary and it can carry several connotations, so I'll just assume you meant something other than my first interpretation.

Sorry.

I still think my statement is relavant, though. Do with it what you will.

ok benjiminbreeg - i got it now....
now i feel as if i can understand you and where you are coming from.

Maybe you didn't mean to appear so black and white. it did come across like that, to few people i suspect.

and i do really wish you well.

and yes, i think love is really important for everyone, even if some of us with AS express it differently or have difficulty receiving it physically or through traditional means.

you see for me, one of the most loving things someone can do for me is give me an object or objects of theirs. that means a 1000 times more than a hug to me, or verbal or written expressions of love. or sharing sex with them. the trouble is, no-one takes me seriously on that. the past partners and people i have asked this from never get around to doing it and that hurts more than being completely f****d over. it's probably the aboslutely worst way you can kick me in the guts. so, the way i relate emotionally, physically and sexually is often through objects.
the trouble is not trying to change that in me. the difiuclty is getting a lover to respect my fetishes fully.



it is so different for all human beings.

Yeah, that I have no arguments against. If thats what makes you feel loved, the guy should be doing it for you. What objects?

depends on who the person is. it must relate to them and their life.

addition here: and it must not be a present or a bought thing. it has to be theirs, it has to be used or worn, it has to BE them for me.

and then of course, there is the issue of fetishistic relating to the object...which some of us AS people experience quite deeply and profoundly. that is why it becomes so vital.

the object IS the person.

Oh ok, i'm with ya.

Wow....and all this time I just thought I was going crazy or losing my interest....Coming from a non-heterosexual perspective....Lesbian sex is primarily what many people would categorize as "foreplay". Or rather there is less of a clear distinction between where the foreplay ends and the f-ing begins....it's all the main event, at least, for me, I think.

I can enjoy kissing, but I have a big problem with touch. Especially soft touch. And especially on my nipples. Someone described themselves as ticklish-I hate being tickled. Kids in school would hold me down and tickle me for 15-20 minutes at a time, in the hot summer, when I was little. The teachers ignored it because I was "laughing", I'd be very dizzy upon standing. Tickling is evil.

As far as giving someone an "object", I got really hurt doing that. My ex ripped up a piece of art I spent a week on for her....but I do understand the attachment to objects.

I also find it hard to look into a partner's face. Hard to do/ touch more than one part of the body at a time.

I think someone mentioned something about not liking to be objectified.....I could be wrong. I'm beginning to think I'm the opposite. Relating to and being related to as an object is easier. Personalizing is harder...."feeling all those feelings", it's too intimate, it's weird, uncomfortable.

My ex said that I "checked out" during sex......we did have other relationship problems.....but I think a lot of it was not being able to handle the intensity of it, and that she always wanted me to accommodate her wishes.

So, I just stopped having sex.
I'm with millie, masturbation and/or virtual sex, is much easier to manage.

yeah...it's complex and different with the sensory integration dysfunction.


the best partner in the world i ever had, the soulmate, the one i loved the most profoundly and completely, the one who got to know me more honestly than anyone, I never even touched.

^ Wow, that sounds great. I wish I'd had that.

you still can

To the OP: I also have a problem with tongue kissing, I don´t like it very much. This has screwed me up quite a lot (no pun intended ) because I never understood why kissing was the first thing people do- ("1st base"). It seems excessively intimate to me, even more so than sex actually, but people do it indiscriminately and expect that from others. I am very nervous about dating, not just because I feel uncomfortable about the whole interaction thing and the "unwritten rules", but also because kissing seems to be pretty much expected, so I have to make a choice...which usually means no 2nd dates with that person. Heck, what am I saying, I´ve only been on a small handful of dates my whole life, I don´t even do that much.

When I do kiss, I don´t like to do it for an extended period of time.

Interesting that many people say it´s hard to look into their partners eyes. I´ve never had this problem, because all of my partners usually had their eyes closed! I do this too, I always close my eyes when I´m enjoying it, so maybe if my partners were looking at me, I didn´t see it...

I really miss sex- (I´m like a man sort of, in that I really enjoy the penetration part, more so than the foreplay usually)- but like millie, I also seem to be resorting to masturbation. I just have trouble meeting people and knowing what to do. In the few relationships I was in, I had trouble "reading their minds" and knowing what to do, and I got criticized for it...I think this has gotten me paranoid. Sex seems almost not worth it, in relation to all the mental stress that goes with it....(or, I wish it could all just be easier...)

I do since I'm an Asexual .

You might want to check out AVEN.

I am glad to see that I am not the only one who has this issue with sex. I have actually stopped having it, for a really long time, because I didn't understand what was was going wrong. It was getting overwhelmed, sensory wise, before the sexual act could take place. Mostly though, it was being objectified or having a man in a big hurry to reach orgasm, regardless of where I was in the process. Since I didn't understand what was happening, I didn't know what to ask for or object to. So I would just end up being "not present." Maybe, some day I will try again.