puddingmouse wrote:
I only used to get intimidated by women when I actually cared about trying to be more stereotypically like one. This used to happen a lot more when I was younger.
I think my 'fear' of women was actually a projected fear of myself. I was ashamed of how psychologically androgynous I am. I was ashamed of my homosexual tendencies. I was afraid other women would be afraid of these things and think I was some kind of monster, if they ever found out. I am actually in awe of women. Mentally though, I don't feel like a woman. However, because society sees me as a woman and because I have to physically go through the same stuff as women do, I identify with them.
There are aspects of life unique to being female. I totally fail at relating to lots of women when it comes to little things, don't get me wrong, but I do have some general affinity with their lot in life.
This is very much how I feel. I have always had gender issues, and it's only been very recently that I've started trying to deal with them. Mentally I do not feel like a woman at all, and it is very rarely that I associate myself to other females. When I remember, or think about the fact that "yes I do have a female body" I can get very depressed, and it can even lead to meltdown.
While I was pregnant, I felt good. I didn't "embrace" my femaleness...but I was thankful that I could feel a child within.
I am so thankful to FINALLY know that I am not alone.
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AQ Score: 44/50 Aspie Quiz: 175/200-Aspie 31/200-NT
Judge of your natural character by what you do in your dreams.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
26 May 2011, 2:18 am
