Can't connect with other women.

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I think I have figured out some of the reasons that aspie-ish females don't fit in so well with NT (I call it TF---meaning typical females or your average non-aspies female) females.
When people communicate with me, whether in print or speech, I am a literalist. I think in terms of facts, behavior, events, reality. If a "typical female/NT asks me my opinion or gripes or asks for advice--silly me---I figure she really wants advice or help or my opinion. So I give it---advice or opinion or help. Then I find out that she DID NOT really want help/ advice/ opinion. The typical female wanted to whine, gripe, and be comforted; she wanted a "there, there, sweetie, how awful for you" sympathy thing.

I cannot help but interpret the communications from typical/NT females as "what they say is what they mean". I'm not a mind reader. I can only go by what someone tells me!! ! But women---NT/typical females have gotten offended or hurt feelings because of this. I give a straight-forward, to-the-point, helpful response ----as helpful and good intentions as I know how to be---and the TF/NT gets all offended or ticked off.

This is so frustrating. How many other aspie's-ish women communicate in logical, rational, concrete, "it is what it is" terms? Has this gotten you in trouble with NT/typical females???

man-hands: I have gotten in trouble with people in general, not just NT females, all my life. People get offended by things I say when I am only trying to be helpful and sometimes I say stuff not realizing that people will be offended by it. Sometimes it's when I am asked for advice, sometimes it's when I am just making an observation or pointing out a fact. Sometimes when someone gets offended I think they are just being unreasonable, immature, conceited, overly-sensitive or self-righteous. Then I think that THEY are the one with the attitude and I decide that I dislike them and I then feel all superior to them. I'll want to tell them "Well, then don't ask me next time!"

I have some feminine interests, like fashion. However it is motivated very differently from most women. I simply appreciate when things look right (visual thing) so I will seek out the pieces I need and I feel put together when I feel like I look good. But most NT women are into fashion to impress people with their expensive bag or shoes, or to attract men.
Neither of those things ever occur to me. Ever.
I also don't want to talk about it. Good God, how boring. Fashion is something you look at, and that should make you feel good (if you enjoy it), but talking about it is such a waste of time. I'd rather talk about topics that matter to the world. I find most girly small-talk centers around hairstyles (I'd rather die than discuss what I should do with my hair - seriously, who cares?) clothes, "products" etc. I don't want to talk about lotion any more than men want to talk about hammers. It serves a purpose but that's it. It isn't interesting.

Anyway, as for activities I enjoy, I like physical things better. I'd rather go hiking or canoeing or something than sit around scrapbooking. Because of my very girly, feminine appearance, people often expect me to act like a girly girl too. But I really have no interest in doing the things most women seem to enjoy, or talking about them either.

I get along better with men, as far as friendships go. Problem with that is, attractive women can't have male friends without the men wanting to have sex. Or without other people assuming she's having sex with all her friends.

It's pretty lonely a lot of the time. I don't get along with most women, and most men have ulterior motives to friendship. I have very few friends and they all live pretty far away.

I apologize if any of that sounded "don't hate me because I'm beautiful". LOL Just being blunt and calling it like I see it.

Emmy, you and I were cut from the same mold!

When it comes to fashion, I am the same way. I seek things out that look good when put together right in a visual sense. I don't give two rats about impressing people with brand names, bags (aside from functionality) and the aesthetic of what the shoes look like/feel like wearing them (I do own lots of shoes though, most of them platform wedges-- but, like most other things, for me they have a purpose, since my bf is 10 inches taller than me)

When it comes to hair, I don't really care much about mine. It pretty much stays in a layered cut with bangs year round, down, except when I'm hot, then it gets put in a ponytail or a bun. I do hate the vanity that people surround themselves with when it comes to their craziness in their hairstyles. Like the suburban women who won't wear a hat when it's 10°F outside because "it'll mess with my hair." I think that is the most ridiculous thing ever.

In terms of activities, I wish I had the experience of canoeing and hiking but wasn't really afforded much opportunity to do either one. I do enjoy walking through nature and things like that though. I also enjoy scrapbooking, but don't really like the feminine social nature that surrounds it if that makes any sense (I prefer to scrapbook to a marathon of old mgm musicals instead of socializing if that makes any sense). My main delights are art and music though.

When it comes to male friends, screw what other people think. Remember, we're outside of the norm and always will be, so we don't always fit each and every one of "society's rules". As for male friends and sex, most of my friends in life have been male, but to date only one (my current best friend actually) hits on me sexually. I laugh it off as I know he won't let himself act on it and neither will I. But really I'm partially at fault for exposing my thoughts to him (my mind is a constant stream of distracting dirty thoughts with a dirty sense of humor revolving around teasing, metaphor, and wordplay), and because he knows how my mind works it's like pandora's box opened and he can't stop getting turned on by it. Doesn't help either that he's also a medium either (so in case not talking about it is going on he still knows I think about dirty stuff all the time). And he knows that he's emotionally immature in that sense, and it's really no secret either to his wife about how he is (she knows me quite well too). But, out of many male friends I've had in life (and even aspie male friends at that) he's the only one. And to date, ever since knowing him since 2003 I have never had sex with him and don't ever plan to. In terms of being the one female friend in the bunch though, screw what people think. If they're jealous that they can't identify with men as well as we can, that's their own fault. It doesn't make us sleezes and it certainly doesn't make us b*tches either.

i thought i was the only one facing this problem and could never despair the reasons. But now after reading much of the post i realised its a common problem with Aspie's.

I barely have friends and the one;s i had were very shy or quite like me. Women are generally very judgemental, they are bitchy, manipulative and play mind games.

Most of the females give me a tough time so i avoid them. but men are better and i can relate to them. Presently i am in touch with a male colleague who worked in my office he left the job though now....he is a shady character with a womanising reputation....but somehow we had something in common we hated the same people and bitched about them whole day. I though maintain my distance with him because of his shadiness.

About dressing up i love dressing up here in India people are supposed to dress simply but i am super glamourous i buy long earrings, makeup, boots, sandals and all sorts of dresses....i am crazy about that.

I am a shopping freak too and travelling junkie but i dont know to talk about them.....i like to listen i am a listener rather than speaker

I love to clothes shop, even though I'm too poor to buy anything.

I used to have a fascination with India when I was 11-12 years old. I wanted to pierce my nose and wear a sari. (I was pasty-white and tubby, but I thought that if I had a nose-ring and a sari, all of a sudden I'd be transformed into this exotic beauty ) All the color and the materials in the clothes over there is so fantastic.

ya indian outfits are beautiful and all the ornaments too they were worn during the times of Kings and queens
nowadays in cities no one wears them
its mostly simple outfit.

Since i havent attended any party or get together in a longtime so i havent decked myself up
but would love to wear a sari, wear bindi, bangles etc.

One thing i feel about not connecting with women it could be because i could never connect with my mother.......we had a difficult relationship

I get along well with the females in my life. I get along well with the males in my life. I wear make-up, I discuss emotions, I watch a variety of films, et al. This has never dictated my social life, nor is it an indication of my depth or lack thereof. I don't really define myself or others by what gender we identify as. I try not to let superficial stuff like clothing and makeup and taste in film limit my social life.

I find most women to be frustratingly superficial. I also find most women have a natural disdain for me, also, even if they don't know me. I prefer to avoid contact with people who dislike me.

I'm right in the middle. I get along very well with women with low progesterone doses and men with low testosterone doses.

I never got along with women since high school. I lacked the interest in boys then. I did i have a few girlfriends when i started going to a special school, one with a learning disability, 2 with Down's syndrome and one autistic girl.
I had a few girls that had a dislike for me, I never got why that was so

I also have trouble connecting with women in social settings. At work I can connect with women better, but it's part of my job (birth work) and it's generally one woman at a time so I can focus exclusively on just that one person and on doing my job.

Most of my female friends are probably on the spectrum somewhere or have ADD or something else that makes us more compatible like very similar interests.

I tend to get along the most with older females. My Ohio friend/cousin-in-law is old enough to be my mom. I got along with most of my therapists, most of whom were...guess what?...older females!

I don't get along with women very well. Most of the NT women I've met are bitchy and manipulative and I've never met another girl on the spectrum. I'm also not interested in girly, frou-frou things and prefer to dress in t-shirts and jeans all the time. I get along better with guys because we have similar interests.

Yeah, I find it more difficult to connect with the average NT woman. A few of my female friends are non-conventional "geekettes" and I get on quite well with them as they have a broader range of interests and enjoy a bit more depth to their conversations.

With most of the NT women the conversation style is usually about domestic/social anecdotes and flits very quickly from one anecdote to the next. I find this sort of conversation very difficult to follow. However I reject the idea that it makes them superficial or less worthwhile people as i am friends with some of these types of women and they have been very useful at providing me with support at certain and difficult times. Its just that it can be quite difficult if I am going out with them as a group as often I am quiet and say very little.

My interests are probably 50/50 stereotypical masculine/feminine. I do talk about things like fashion and make up but unlike the NTs I will read up on things like colour theories, history of fashion and look at the topic in a lot of detail. My female friends quite appreciate this and will bring me along when they are shopping for clothes and
I will be able to tell them truthfully whether a garment suits their proportions and colour or not. They also ask me about my dance classes and ballet and I take pleasure in talking about all the theory behind it but i do have to be careful not to go into too much detail for too long.

On the otherhand I do find it easier to strike up conversations with men purely because their conversation styles are generally more similar to mine - more logic driven and direct - and i don't know many girls who like cricket or sci-fi.