Accepting anxiety as a feature of being a woman with ASD

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I've had a similar situation with someone who wants to skype, with the camera on so we see each other. I tried a couple of times and it was a miserable failure and I felt awful. She kept suggesting it and I finally just told her I am too uncomfortable skyping. So she no longer asks. I get the occasional email and photos and that just has to be good enough.

I have come to believe we have to take care of ourselves even when others don't understand.

I'm at the onset of unmasking. I would benefit from compromising less and asserting myself. It scares me (hence my brief response on the previous post - as one can see from other posts, I am not one to be brief).

The idea scared me in the beginning, it was really scary.
I have spent decades trying my best to be nice, anxious over being nice to everyone, etc.
Learning that I could not be that nice was a deconstruction of all my coping strategies, I had no idea how I could survive.

And you survived. And you are better for it?

WARNING for the anxious type (analogy of physical fear): Like if I jump off that cliff to escape the wolves, it will be worth it? I won't break my leg and end up in a pond of alligators?

That I will jump off the cliff to escape the wolves, find myself safely in a deep, calm pool, with a bounty of ripe fruits and scrumptious roots for good health and wellness.

I would so like to be not so nice. While it seems everyone else is striving to be kinder to others; I want to be kinder to myself (and less kind to others). Weird.

I try to be both now, but self care is the priority, then the care for others, I find it easier to be self compassionate when I have a contrast of how I would care for another.
Growing up i learned to put everyone else first, because it was the only way I knew to try control the unpredictability of peoples reactions.

It's neither a pond of alligators nor a paradise.
It's a place where life is easier but it requires learning completely new skills.
My inlaws probably hate me now and we aviod each other.
My real friends are still my real friends. Luckily, my husband is one of them.
My parents slowly learn to interact with the new me. My relationship with my mother got waaaaay better after we both gave up masking and playing roles we used to believe we needed to play.
People who meet me now, like parents of the classmates of my children, just accept me the way I am, they don't really have any other options Wearing big glasses and a checked shirt to announce "Achtung, nerd!" seems to help with making expectations of others more realistic.

I self-report that I do not have black & white thinking. Times like this I wonder.


So funny!

Thank you for the input.

I'm not aware of feeling anxious, but apparently it hits me physically (insomnia, tension etc.). As for social anxiety, it's not that I fear people will reject me - I know they will reject me, and I just dully accept it.

This reminds me of when I started to embrace the idea that I was autistic. I had all the symptoms of anxiety for as long as I can remember.
Excuse the analogy, but as I hadn't lived in a non anxious persons body I didn't recognise them as symptoms or more specifically warnings from my body, I knew no different.

It's taken a few years to realise just how much my mind-body health has suffered and I anticipate more consequences as of yet unknown to me.

The therapy has helped me to notice the physical sensations earlier, though this takes conscious effort and much focus on body scans and thinking through what the sensations mean.

The idea for now is to help reduce the quick escalation I experience in triggering situations, by monitoring by base line levels of anxiousness, and taking action to help release them. That is the constant part of living with anxiety that I find hard to stay motivated about... Still though just talking about it here with other women is helping me to come closer to accepting this.

I have also accepted that for as much as I enjoy typical friendships and desire them, like you I know I will be rejected, sooner or later. For me this is based on concrete experiences and I just dont have the social energy to waste anymore.

Not an irrational fear, more so moving away from the 'moth to the flame' way of living. It doesnt work so why keep trying to make it work.

Thank you for this discussion. Obviously it resonates with me. I will take these ideas into serious consideration for myself.

^ I like the idea of knowledge sharing, there are plenty who dont have the opportunities I have had, and thanks to you too!!

I am scared all the time

Glad I found this forum because I've been struggling with anxiety for a long time and everyone thought it was just generalised anxiety disorder but I knew there must be something else causing it I just couldn't tell what and why it was especially worse around people and social things only now have I found out about this

Ive been to therapy so many times and am. Now struggling with anxiety again, a phobia... Again, idk if you guys tend to get specific phobias!/worries...

Is there any advice I could get on controlling it? I am currently struggling to meet any friends because a fear I might need the toilet in front of them I feel so. Embarrassed

Hi and welcome to WP, you have been busy today!
What kinds of strategies has your therapist suggested and how well have they worked?

A practical suggestion could be support pants for the incontinence, have you been to your GP to have this investigated?

Correct me if I'm wrong.

I don't feel Tokatekika is incontinent.

I feel she's just embarrassed about asking to use the toilet in someone's home---or doesn't like using toilets outside of her home.

Ahh, maybe I read it too literally!