"AS men have it harder"--does this bother you?

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hyperlexian
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28 Jul 2010, 8:38 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

n4mwd wrote:

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

I don't care and I think my feelings are as valid as any other woman's, including the size A women who want big ones.

I HATE them, they are intrusive, they make me feel ungainly, and they take away from my more androgynous identity.

They're disgusting. I do NOT wish to look like a sexual ornament, or a baby maker.

And I feel uneasy and endangered in summer clothes.

Speaking of being a baby maker, you didn't say if you have already had children or if you plan to some day. The problem with breast reduction is that it can adversely affect your ability to lactate after giving birth. I wont go into all the details now, but breast feeding is extremely important for a healthy baby and cannot be adequately replaced by formula. If you insist on such surgery, I hope you will delay it until after you have had all the kids you want and lactation is no longer necessary.

I never want kids. If I change my mind I'll adopt one. The idea of being pregnant makes me want to violently throw up.

i can respect your desire to change that, mechanicalgirl39. i think a person's self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are extremely important, and if breasts stand in the way of a person feeling positive about themselves, then by all means get them removed or reduced.

the remote possibility of breast reduction interfering with lactation, or the miniscule possibility that it could exacerbate post-partum depression, is not as significant as the actual current depression a person with low self-esteem can feel *now*.

it is not possible to predict what regrets a person will have in 10 or 20 years. i.e. perhaps if mechanicalgirl39 did not get the surgery, then decided against all protestations to have a child, who is to say that she wouldn't be kicking herself and wishing she'd gone ahead with the surgery when she was younger and pre-baby richer? future regrets are by nature unexpected and unpredictable i think.

honestly, bottle-feeding isn't necessarily the best option, but it's not like giving your child a bottle of beer. it is a good second choice.

as an aside, i don't know where you reside, but in canada our health care covers the surgery if you are either physically or emotionally hurt or distressed by your breasts. even other plastic surgeries like tummy tucks can be obtained for these reasons, can you believe it?

Erisad
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28 Jul 2010, 9:23 pm

It bugs me a bit too. I don't know what it's like to be a man so I can't really give an unbiased opinion. >.>

All I know is that society gives everyone an impossible standard to achieve. Men have to be sex gods and women have to be beautiful and neither can have any fat on them. They must be perfect in every possible way or society stomps on them. A lot of bitterness comes from not achieving this standard or at least that's my experience anyway. So who has it harder? No idea. D:

n4mwd
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29 Jul 2010, 6:59 am

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

I never want kids. If I change my mind I'll adopt one. The idea of being pregnant makes me want to violently throw up.

I used to say that too. I sorely regret it now. Adoption isn't as easy as it sounds. Most of the healthy babies out there are hard to get. Older kids already have psych problems. When you have your own kids, you are getting a child that is going to be a lot like you.

Honestly, if I could get pregnant and have a kid, I would. It is theoretically possible too. Using IVF and an ectopic implantation, males can become pregnant with the right hormones. The only self defeating problem is that the net result is that both the baby and the man will die because that's what usually happens with ectopic pregnancies. I think I'll pass for now.

There are other crazy examples of us guys out there. About 5 years ago, there was this guy over in Europe that insisted that his wife breastfeed their baby after it was born. For whatever reason, she totally refused. So he took it upon himself to take hormones until he actually grew breasts and was able to lactate. Strange, but true. I suspect he was probably looking for breast reduction surgery after that because boobs just don't look good on a man.

But if you do go for breast reduction, please tell the doctor that you want to lactate afterwords. At least that way he might be a little more careful what he is doing.

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29 Jul 2010, 10:47 am

n4mwd, adoption, even at birth, is no guarantee that the adopted child won't have problems. As it is, I am a living breathing example of an adoption gone all wrong. I was imperfect right out of the gate, & my mother never ever let me forget it. At least with an older kid (like adopting an older pet) you know what their personality is from the get go. Had my parents seen me as a child with all my behavioral quirks, they would never have adopted me.

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mechanicalgirl39
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29 Jul 2010, 11:07 am

n4mwd wrote:

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

I never want kids. If I change my mind I'll adopt one. The idea of being pregnant makes me want to violently throw up.

I don't want a flesh and blood child. It might be severely autistic like my brother.

And the idea of my body as 'baby maker' just makes me sick, I would rather DIE than have children. I would feel so broken and dehumanized.

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Bethie
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29 Jul 2010, 2:30 pm

ZakFiend wrote:

It shouldn't bug you because aspie guys GENERALLY SPEAKING do in many ways have it more difficult, since women hold the sexual power in relationships.

This doesn't mean there are not exceptions to the rule.

Sex for a man is like water and if you starve a man of it long enough horrendous suffering occurs. Many sex crimes come from being left out and at the bottom of the social status ladder where no girl wants you. In the worst cases some aspies are left with prostitution as their only human contact and release.

Some aspies turn to suicide after years of isolation so yes they do have it much much worse in many regards as they are left out in the cold. Having repulsive traits to women makes it exeedingly difficult to have any human contact, and that has severe consequences for men's stress levels and mental health.

Women are not the "weaker" sex. Women have the vast majority of power in intimate relationships and in society with regards to laws in their favor and the double standards in how men are viewed as "predators" and women as "victims".

Some women tend to act like victims too often when they are egotistical and have entitlement and attention complex to victimhood. I've seen what horrible things women can do to men, especially AS men in the real world and some of the stuff you just wouldn't believe.

The worst an AS woman will ever experience is to have it just as bad as an AS man. One only has to look at suicide stats to know who has it worse overall, this is not some stupid social status game of who is the greatest victim. This is the hard facts of life.

You're right. Men have it so rough! Having a higher sex drive, and being FORCED to sexually assault women. Those poor, poor rapists.

I have a background in women's advocacy work, and if you'd like, we can exchange stories of how many MEN vs women, developmentally-challenged, disabled, and otherwise, show up in ER's with detached retinas, shattered noses, ripped perineums, and severe internal hemorrhaging due to being beaten with baseball bats and pissed on following a horrific gang rape. Until you've personally had the task of treating the third degree burns of a MALE rape victim after a gang of women set him on fire, don't f*cking spew about the "horrible" things women do to men.

Go cry to someone who gives a s**t about the horrible plight of trying to find a willing woman to f*ck.

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mechanicalgirl39
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29 Jul 2010, 5:34 pm

Bethie wrote:

ZakFiend wrote:

You're right. Men have it so rough! Having a higher sex drive, and being FORCED to sexually assault women. Those poor, poor rapists.

I have a background in women's advocacy work, and if you'd like, we can exchange stories of how many MEN vs women, developmentally-challenged, disabled, and otherwise, show up in ER's with detached retinas, shattered noses, ripped perineums, and severe internal hemorrhaging due to being beaten with baseball bats and pissed on following a horrific gang rape. Until you've personally had the task of treating the third degree burns of a MALE rape victim after a gang of women set him on fire, don't f*cking spew about the "horrible" things women do to men.

Go cry to someone who gives a sh** about the horrible plight of trying to find a willing woman to f*ck.

Great point.

I'd give you a cookie for that post, if you were with me in person.

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mechanicalgirl39
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29 Jul 2010, 5:47 pm

I'm not saying men don't have problems. Clearly AS men get more than their fair share of crap from life. But the idea that women have it easy is unfair and untrue.

I mean, the idea that as teens, males get beaten up while girls get ignored by the cool group but otherwise have it just fine?

Lucky me. I only got physically attacked in school while a group of kids crowded around and wouldn't let me run away.

I only got pushed, spat on, slapped, and threatened with violence from an older girl for STOPPING THAT GIRL KICKING MY HEAD IN.

That, of course, is NOTHING compared to what some of my Aspie male friends went through. Poor creatures, over six feet and powerfully built, and no one daring to try and hurt them.

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League_Girl
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29 Jul 2010, 8:23 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:

n4mwd wrote:

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

I agree completely. My cousin had a breast reduction for medical reasons at 18 and she was very upset that she couldn't breastfeed her daughter. It fueled her postpartum depression.

Also... that lollipop figure will most likely go away after children due to a widening of the hips. Many women actually have smaller breasts after childbirth, as well.

Define lillipop figure? Aren't our hips already widen during puberty?

Smallar breasts? They stay big when you breast feed or do you mean they go smallar than your normal size when you quit breastfeeding?

TeaEarlGreyHot
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29 Jul 2010, 8:30 pm

Lollipop figure means they're mature in the breasts but lack much hips or butt. It's the 'in' figure in the US today. A lot of the widening of hips before giving birth is fat accumulation. After giving birth, the bone structure widens the hips more.

As far as the breasts go after birth... I meant after you are no longer breastfeeding. There's no uniform or normal thing here, though. Some women (like me) end up with breasts 1 or 2 cup sizes bigger. Some go back to the same size from before having children. Still, others end up with breasts 1-2 cup sizes smaller after breastfeeding.

All of this happens whether you breastfed or not. It's just something that happens after you stop producing milk. (which you do whether you breastfeed or not)

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29 Jul 2010, 9:45 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:

Great point.

I'd give you a cookie for that post, if you were with me in person.

Gee thanks. I didn't know how it would go over. I was quite incensed. :twisted:

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29 Jul 2010, 11:10 pm

I'm reminded of the position a teacher I knew had. "If you think x, that doesn't worry me. I think you're WRONG, though."

astaut
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30 Jul 2010, 1:52 am

Shebakoby wrote:

I'm reminded of the position a teacher I knew had. "If you think x, that doesn't worry me. I think you're WRONG, though."

That's probably a good attitude to have in most instances.

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