On feeling unsafe in women only spaces

Post Reply New Topic

From my perspective the main theme seems to be that autistic people have some issues with people and relationships. This has certainly been my experience and appears to be one of the central features of autism. The precise nature and extent of these difficulties is of course highly individual. It therefore seems a shame that rather than supporting one another we keep getting into these rather polarised debates that involve denigrating whole categories of people, who themselves are all individuals many of whom do not conform to stereotypes.

I am NT and I have never ever been able to get along with other "girly", and super socially-sophisticated NT women. I just don't get them, and seem to get along a lot better with tomboys, social rejects / outcasts, Aspies, or anyone else who is "different".

Some of this had to do with my childhood experiences, not my neurology. I grew up in a houseful of boys, but was sent to an all girls school, run by NUNS. Oh, dear Lord, talk about being "confused". On the one hand, I had to deal with all these super social and sophisticated girls, and then come home to back-slapping, butt scratching, odd medley of cricketing boys, swearing and cussing like only teens on testosterone highs can. I picked up my colourful language and am not afraid to use it - like my brothers and cousins - from the fisher folks we used to play cricket matches with. I was actually the only girl in any teams that formed, but no one ever said anything, because no one seemed to notice that I was actually a female for a long time !

So, from that in the evenings, to a bunch of hairs-done-nails-done-polite-and-dignified girls during the day, it was no wonder that I was completely and utterly bewildered, lost and a total misfit around the females even as a young kid. Eventually, around 15, I was in the no (wo)man's land of being neither gender, because the boys were starting to realize that I was actually a female and wouldn't let me play in their teams anymore, and the girls thought I was a foul-mouthed tomboy that was a "potential bad influence" on them. It didn't help that I also never got their jokes or followed the train of their conversations very well. That helped them pin me down as a "total weirdo with no social skills", on top of being a "potty mouthed tomboy". My only other friend through 12 years of school was another social reject like me, but I think that her challenge was more neurological than environment. Funnily enough, a few months ago, my classmates formed a Whatsapp group, and invited me to join. I STILL - decades later - don't get some of their jokes and find their banal conversations quite annoying sometimes. My neurologically questionable best friend and I just read the posts, check in with each other, scratch our heads, and move on wondering what the joke OR the deal is ? Some things just never change, aye ?

In summary, I just think that it is easier to get along with men than with women. I think that women are horribly complex and confusing creatures, even downright devious at times. At least with men, you know what you are getting. They may not always mind their Ps and Qs, but AT LEAST you know that what you are hearing is exactly what they are saying. There is no necessity - for the most part - to read "between the lines" and to wonder if there was a "catch" / caveat there somewhere. There USUALLY also seems to be very little need to worry about picking up on unspoken group "rules" or social cues when hanging out with them, unlike when out with a bunch of women.

So, it's not just Aspie women who sometimes can't get NT women. I am NT and I just can't abide by several of them AT ALL. I am middle-aged now, so I have no doubt that this is the way it's going to be for the rest of my life. And I am perfectly fine with that. Everyone does *not* have to get along with everyone else. Some twains will just never meet. It is what it is.

I end up having the near opposite of this kind of treatment in my childhood... I end up picking too many fights with boys, and almost not a single girl had fought with.
At high school, I managed to stay out of the "competition" unless they end up being lashed out by me, which I'm glad. They would rather have me as their security guard against their boyfriends than someone including in their stupid game.
At this present, I'm really glad both online and IRL, no one gets "jealous" whenever I speak to someone with the opposite sex (or just about anyone). Whether he (or even she) has relationships with another or not.

These days both male and female adults keeps telling me to stop being reckless because I'm a lady (Not as a female, but as a 'grown up' female who are easily subjected to danger). Because I'm more vulnerable on the streets. Because I'm not supposed to do dangerous stuff. Thinking I'm a delicate flower or some sort. That I'm no longer a child so I shouldn't run around like one. Males at my age can get away with all of this.
The only ones who bugs me about what I wear is my mom, and my sister.
The rest could care less; they can all play with my long hair all day if they want as long as there's no cutting objects involved. (I mean this literally and figuratively )


I don't have enough experience to gender-biased treatment... Yet still, that doesn't change the fact that how I see it: The fact that women are more confusing than men. Even so, none of them are 'worse' or 'better'.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I just feel like I have so much to say on this. In real life, I never rreally get attention from men even though I am supposedly beautiful and I never approach them either, so I am really lonely. I have also never felt comfortable around women so I have very few friends. In school, I had some guy friends who I suspect were on the spectrum too and those were the only guy friends I really had. I'm pretty sure that I had no Neurotypical friends whatsoever. I avoided girls and was afraid of the judgement of boys, so it was awful.

A lot of aspie girls seem to not like b oybands and celebrities, but I loved them! I guess you could say that they were my special interest. They made me feel wanted. When I went to a boyband concert and one of them blew me a kiss and several other members smiled at me, it was amazing! I felt almost like a normal girl because I never think that someone like me could ever get noticed. I also think that's why I got into modelling and I try to look beautiful all the time. It's because I know that I'm not normal and I never will be, but maybe I could be beautiful.

Thanks for all the responses on here folks, quite the range of them. The ones about me being a plant is a bit weird, I like plants, they're much easier to deal with than people (until they die), but I'm a person and not a plant.
I don't come on here very often which perhaps has looked suspicious but I've had more time to reflect on the subject, and I think I want to write an actual article, elaborate from what just started as a rant because I have more to add. Let's keep it real guys

Men can be incredibly sneaky and underhanded, I agree.

Plus sometimes they will use staring at your body or comments or flirting types of behaviors as part of a power play and that's very confusing because it seems like they are liking you, but it's just to put you down, so what do you respond to? The smile or the put down?