How do you get a guy to leave you alone?

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Is it possible that he already realises that you're gay and just wants a friend that doesn't judge him in a sexual way? If he has been "sissyfied" by only ever being around his mother, it could be that he only feels comfortable around females. The problem there is that most girls will think that the only reason he's talking to them is because he's interested in them. Enter you, loads older, gay, obviously someone that wouldn't ever be interested. The perfect neutral friend.


Of course, if I'm wrong and you encourage him it could get worse. Maybe telling him how things are would solve the whole problem once and for all though.


I actually do feel sorry for this guy. I know I'd go out of my way to speak to him. I may have made a lot of effort in my life not to be the one that stands out, and so I may actually appear to fit in, but I know how it feels to be the odd one out.

The best thing is just to ignore these people. Any kind of feedback feeds their behaviour. Don't even look at them.

Other tricks are being gross (picking your nose, spitting, etc in front of them) or patronizing and pitying them.

I simply ignore and walk away myself.

One thing that worked with an ex-boyfriend who became a stalker was to say that if he made any form of contact with me, I'd call the cops and get a restraining order. The reason I broke up with him in the first place was that we had absolutely nothing in common, and he freaked me out by talking about marriage after 2 weeks of dating! It was when I broke up with him that he started stalking me, but the threats of a restraining order and stalking charges worked because he knew he'd get fired from his job and it would be hard for him to get another one with a criminal record. That was 4 years ago, and I haven't heard from him since.

Marry me ADoyle!



[that was a joke :)]

Last edited by TechnoMonk on 16 Sep 2007, 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

I tried the cold shoulder treatment -that is ignoring him and walking on when he has spoke to me the past two weeks. Apparently he is dumber than snot even though his mom tried to impress me with the fact he is working on his masters degree. He doesn't "get" that I am not interested when I do not respond to him because he keeps finding reasons to take the long way around the building and walk by my desk and speak to me.

It also occurred to me that he only speaks to me when no one else is in the room or hallway. That is stalker behavior if they don't want anyone else around when they approach a woman.

I thought I was going to get understanding from the church, but the 3 women I have tried to talk to about it all think its funny and that I am just being silly. And two of them are leaders in the church. I was told today when I saw one of the women in town to "just come on back to church because we miss you". Or rather he misses me. The others never bothered to get to know me except one woman, but she's out of town for a month so she isn't the one missing me. I only go there for the sermons and the monthly game nights when the one woman who speaks to me is there playing cards so we can talk because she is very intellectual. Yeah I talked to her about him too and she understands my feelings but just thinks "its cute" that he is so enraptured by me.

In my experience, ignoring these sorts of fellows only makes the problem worse. Instead, just tell him that you're flattered* by his interest, but that you're already seeing someone**.

*No, you're definitely not flattered. He's a loser and his unwanted attentions are creeping you out. However, you want him to bugger off, not turn into some kind of vengeful stalker. In this case, the ends justify the means.

**Whether he infers that "someone" is a guy or that "someone" is a girl is unimportant.

"I'm flattered, but I'm already dating someone. Sorry." Try that.

Hazelwudi, should I still tell him anything because the last two days I have seen him he did not speak to me when he passed in the hallway?

I know you didn't ask my opinion,but next time he passes you in the hallway, perhaps you could mutter "a**hole" just loud enough for him to hear?

Either that or stop using deodorent.

*tell him*

Why must you be negative about it? He probably thinks the world of you because he believes you are more accepting than other women. He is probably thinking, "Wow, this girl actually treats me like a human being. Maybe she's different than the other women who ignore me or treat me like %#^&." Of course, when he realizes that his women problems are completely his fault and not the girl's problem he might begin to understand how life works. With that being said, don't lie to him, just tell him the truth upfront. Its the only way he'll ever improve and have a chance with someone else in the future.

[If you find out that he has AS refer him to this site, it has helped me out considerably]

You're talking about a guy with aspergers and yet you still want to use a subtle hint to get a point across? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT?!? HAS THIS SITE TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING?!? [Now that my rage has subsided]

The only effective way to get ANY point across with someone who has AS is to say it blantantly and clearly using words. Not body language.

Hello... I don't treat him like anything... I have never talked more than 3 sentences to him and only after he started stalking me did I speak to him.

Let me explain thbe situation again...the guy was eavesdropping on a conversation I was having at work with two other people about the church I was visiting. Then he shows up and after 2 visits to the church he suddenly comes to me at work and says he overheard someone at church inviting me to the new members class and he said he has decided to join because I am.

I don't freakin know this guy. He just decided all this on his own and even said now that he goes to my church that we can hang out together and that I can come to his desk and talk to him. I don't want to talk to him. I do not know him. There is no reason for him to look up to me because I have never really held conversation with him. I am lesbian. I do not hang out with guys; I do not have sex with guys. O am over 15 yrs older than him. Am not interested!

I have stopped going to church because of this a**hole. I cannot tell him off at work because it will attract attention which will lead to an invitation to the HR office. If I tell what he has been doing he will get fired because the company is big about firing harrassers. However, where I work every time a woman has gotten a guy fired for harrassment a number of employees have turned on those women and made their life hell till they eventually felt they had to quit. I'm not willing to leave the company over some s**t temporary worker who is a stalker. I have worked there over 9 yrs. I am not letting him get me run off there.

he's not exactly running you out, he's approaching and getting no understandable signals telling him to back off. Are you 100% certain that his interest is even sexual?

If I had a penny for every time that people have thought badly about me and I haven't even had the slightest idea, I'd probably be a few pounds richer. As it is now, I worry about imposing so much that I take every possible signal to mean the worst and won't talk to anyone at all. Please just tell him.

The most effective way to get rid of creeps/stalkers that I've run into is to respond to what they say with "Leave. Me. Alone." growled. Glaring while saying it reinforces the message if they don't get it the first time. Repeat occasionally to anything else they say, ignoring the rest of the time. "I am not interested in talking to you" if they ask why, but not to engage in conversation. Also, don't say anything to the person initially or respond in any other way.

If that doesn't take care of the problem fairly quickly, I would enlist help from a superior. In my experience, if you don't tell them to leave you alone yourself first (and they don't listen), nobody will help you. But if you have told him this and he persists, you can sometimes get backup. Your response will probably be more effective though.

I'd talk to the mother, sense she seems to be pulling his strings. It may be a little outside your comfort zone, but sometimes you have to push your boundries to get what you want (like a little space).

Tell her that her son is nice, but you're not interested in him like that and would like a bit of space.