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poopylungstuffing
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29 Jun 2009, 1:51 am

How do you react to negative comments about your appearance?
Would a true aspie take it with a grain of salt and brush it off, comfortable with their own self image..or just indifferent one way or the other?
Or...would it be an ASish thing to read way to much in to said comment and seriously overreact?

My partner unintentionally made a negative reference to my weight problem today when he pointed out a short heavyset woman wearing a hat similar to mine and said that I was built sort of like her. The woman was quite a bit bigger than I think I appear...and while I have nothing against heavier people, what he said made me feel like I must look much differently than I think that I do because I didn't think I looked like that...and the comment knocked me into a negative cycle where I got really upset..and started feeling hatred towards myself because I will never be tall and thin....the way that society repeatedly tells us over and over we should be....and i sorta ended up having a mini meltdown...even though he was not trying to be offensive and was mainly referring to the stature (shortness) and the hat.
I am usually relatively comfortable about my appearance, but I am a little touchy about my weight because I have been slightly overweight since I was a child and I have been teased a bit and also reminded of some people's preference for taller thinner women...

How do the rest of you react to that sort of thing? Jus' curious...



Aimless
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29 Jun 2009, 4:36 am

I wish I could let things like that roll off my back. I'm a little better after meds. Now I try to divert my thinking. At least he didn't make a mocking comment, people who do that make me :x



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29 Jun 2009, 4:40 am

oooh and the scale from 1 to 10? :wall:



inthehills
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29 Jun 2009, 4:40 am

Ugh, yeah... Negative comments about personal weight are the worst. Don't worry, it's not just an Aspie thing, it's a general girl thing. Most women, including me, would react in a similar way.



lotusblossom
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29 Jun 2009, 5:14 am

I remember negative comments about my appearance 'forever' and rhuminate on them and feel very cross about them.

someone told me that I am a lot fatter in real life than in my avatar :x

I often get told how chunky and stocky I am but while I expect it and am used to it I still dont like it at all!! !

I think if I was ok about how I looked it wouldnt matter but I feel bad about how i look so it bothers me, and the trouble is that people are going to pick on the things that we're most sensitive about as they are the things that are the most obviously 'faults' or 'not perfect'.

Ive decided that no one is going to see me naked again, its just not worth the risk!



activebutodd
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29 Jun 2009, 5:22 am

Oh, how charming. Not. Definitely let him know you don't appreciate that kind of remark! It was probably unintentional but if you say something he might not repeat the mistake.

If someone makes a nasty comment about my looks, I ignore them if it's some random. Or I'll say something rude back.



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29 Jun 2009, 7:06 am

Depends. If it is something I don't agree with myself, I'll brush it off. If it hits a nerve, yes I will helplessly ruminate on it for weeks, if not years.


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Skilpadde
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29 Jun 2009, 2:05 pm

I get ticked off, no matter who says it. I don’t care one bit about my looks or the looks of others and I don’t comment on people like that. I expect the same respect from others and get :evil: when I don’t receive it. No one has any business targeting me.

I never forget a nasty comment, and it’s not by any means limited to appearance. I can meet people I haven’t seen since preschool age, and my first thought is ”Oh yeah, you’re the one who called me (insert comment)”.



zen_mistress
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29 Jun 2009, 5:05 pm

Yeah I have had this happen too. I guess I have to focus on myself and my health and wellbeing and not so much on what others might say. In a way I think it is good to be out in the world showing off imperfections, rebelling, flying in the face of all that media pressure to look a certain way.

I believe that beauty is about wellbeing anyway. It is a sort of radiance, not related to size or physical characteristic.



sunshower
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29 Jun 2009, 5:56 pm

I know what you mean... I constantly feel pressured to lose weight because of the imagery around me on top of my own discomfort with excess body fat (it makes me feel like I can't breathe - like I'm being suffocated, I think I can get overly sensitive about these things), so it can really drain your energy and waste your thinking time. I am more of a naturally curvy shape (genetics gave me a big bum), so being thin isn't really right for my body type anyway.


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millie
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30 Jun 2009, 4:28 am

i do not like comments on my physical appearance at all. I do not like anyone seeing me undressed and i find the intensity of someone saying something nasty or nice about my physical appearance to be very, very uncomfortable, particularly if they are a partner.
Sadly, the closer people get to me, the more uncomfortable i get.

And every boy needs to learn at about age 5 - hopefully from their dad or their mum - that you NEVER comment on a woman's weight! NEVER.



arielhawksquill
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30 Jun 2009, 8:57 am

I don't mean to invalidate your feelings in any way--I understand the thought-spiral that body image issues can cause and know it's very painful. However, may I gently suggest that since your boyfriend (obviously) finds your body attractive, he was not meaning to insult you by pointing out another person who reminds him of you? (Perhaps he found HER attractive, even...) Since he sees you from the outside, he probably has a better idea of what you look like than you do from inside--perhaps you have a bit of body dysmorphia?



poopylungstuffing
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30 Jun 2009, 10:07 am

Is it body dysmorphia if you think that you are thinner than you actually are?



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30 Jun 2009, 11:06 am

Men are just like that sometimes they don't set out to say something mean and hurtful but they do. It's like a dog that needs to pee on every tree they see and miss and get your shoe. Just simply say what you just said hurt my feelings and I wish you would think a bit more before you speek. Then walk away, and go toss a red sock in with his underwear in the washer. :lol:



Eire
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30 Jun 2009, 11:20 am

Skilpadde wrote:
I never forget a nasty comment, and it’s not by any means limited to appearance. I can meet people I haven’t seen since preschool age, and my first thought is ”Oh yeah, you’re the one who called me (insert comment)”.

I am exactly the same way.



activebutodd
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30 Jun 2009, 11:47 am

Same here. I'm fairly small, but not that toned I guess. I should exercise but I feel too tired all the time.