sterilisation - any experiences?

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Soon Im going to have a sterilisation operation as Ive had problems with my previous contraception.

I am interested to hear from others who have had this operation and to know what their exeriences were like. Did you regret it? was there any complications? did it work?

thanks

Hi,

The operation itself is nothing major, so you can leave the hospital on the same day. I think you are familiar with the whole operation process? Due to laparoscopic surgery, the CO2 can cause pain in the abdomen when leaving the body. Besides that anesthesia makes everyone feel groggy, the pain is not too bad. However, you should rest till the stitches will be taken out after one week. How fast the scarf will heal depends on the body, but they mostly do it so well that you'll barely see it once it healed.

As far as regretting goes, if a woman takes the decision without any influences from outside and has a clear mind about it, there's nothing to feel bad about.

Thanks Anneyce

Im a bit frightened and ambivalent about it which is why I made a thread on it. Im frightened of operations so am not looking forward to it and Im worried that I should have another child before I do it.

My boyfriend has not had any children yet and wants them in the future (but not now) but I need the sterilisation now as I have no good contraception at the moment.

However Im not sure that I should have more children even if I want to as Ive had a lot of social worker inviolvement and dont feel likea good mother, my 12 year old said I should not have more children as I was not a good mother. I think I should probably make an ethical choice to not have children rather than an emotional choice to have more.

I used to have an IUD but had bad problems with it and cant have one again, I also cant take the pill as it makes me poorly. Its just poor timing, I wish my coil had lasted a few more years.

I worry that the sterilisation will cause problems like the IUD as they use clips here and that must be similar to the coil (haveing infections or falling off or hurting), but drs did not tell me the truth about the effects of the IUD so I dont trust them to disclose effects of the sterilisation.

Sterilization is not supposed to be seen as contraception, it's a permanent decision of not having kids. Hence the choice has to be made really carefully and without any influences from others or life situations. As I read your post now, I do see some major insecurities and I'm not sure if sterilization would be the right thing for you to do. First of all, there are many ways to do contraception, which is not only up to women. Also, no offense, but your daughter is not really in the position to judge weather you're a good mom or not. She's a teenager and I assume her puberty has started or is about to come and it's "normal" that most things or people appear to be "bad" during this time. This is rather an issue you should discuss with your bf, since it also affects him in the first place.

Thoughts?

my bf does not want me to be sterilised, but he does not want children now, nor does he like wearing condoms so its very difficult. If he did not want children at all I would not worry so much whether sterilisation was the right thing for me and would feel better about doing it.

whilst I realise its not contraception, if I put off the operation it is quite likely that I will become pregnant at some point, as I dont have a good long term contraception at present. So if I dont want a baby very soon I dont really have any other options apart for going through with the operation.

Don't do that ! Sterilisation is for all your life. If you do this just because you don't want a baby right now, but your bf wants... HE is the problem ! If he wants to make love with you, and you can't have other contraception, he'll just have to wear condoms, or not to make love with you !

My gut feeling is you shouldn't do it. The part where you say 'he doesn't like wearing condoms' definitely tells me something is wrong there. You also say you are frightened and ambivalent. Those things tell me you don't really want to get permanently sterilized.

If you were definitely against having more kids, I'd say go for it. But you are showing a lot of red flags which tell me you're not really doing it because you want to. Please don't get sterilized just to please your boyfriend.

This is off topic but I really have to disagree there.

The kid didn't say that for no reason. Now if she just said it in a fit because she wasn't allowed to go to a dodgy disco instead of doing her homework, fine. But to dismiss someone based on age is every bit as wrong as dismissing them based on gender or sexual orientation. Puberty doesn't mean her feelings have no value.

you are miss understanding me, the situation would be me not getting steralised because of my boyfriend, he is the one who wants babies in the future. If I was not with him I would not be worried about not having more children as I dont think I should and would have had the operation already.

However I am more concerned with any effects of the sterilisation such as infection or permanent pain as I dont want to get it done and have on going problems. My fear and ambivalence is realted to my fear of the pain and fear of it not working or causeing on going pain.

When I had a tooth 'crowned' the dentist said it would be fine and not hurt but it still hurts now 18 months later and Im always aware if the tooth. I beleive that this is because of aspie sensitivities and that it genuinely does not hurt NTs but that I can feel it. In the same way that NTs I know are not botherd about noises which drive me insane. I could always feel my coil/IUD since it was put in and was always aware of it and in discomfort. Im worried I would feel the sterilisation clips and be aware of them but not be able to get rid of them as they wont undo it once its done (unlike the IUD). I thought hearing from other aspie ladies who have been sterilised might set my mind at ease as they could say whether they could feel the clips or if it hurt them still.

Last edited by lotusblossom on 29 Oct 2010, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

we are currently useing condoms and not haveing sex very often, which is not endurable for the next 25 years of my reproductive life so I must do something. Condoms are so expensive and impractical that its really not sensible for 25 years, its bad enough haveing to use them until the sterilisation op.

Haven't you thought about the pill ?

I feel I was unclear in how I worded my bf's opinion. He does not want me to be sterilised, he wants to have children but in about 5 years time not now. However I do not have contraception that is good for 5 years, soon I will probably run out of condoms one night and then get pregnant. He does not like condoms but is happy to use them but it is clear that he enjoys sex less and wants sex less often. I would prefer to get sex more often and more spontaneously and without forking out ten pounds a day on condoms.

I want to be steralised and not have any more children. I feel guilty to do that as it means my bf could not have children with me. I worry that perhaps I should have a baby now and then get steralised as then he will have had a child.

Sometimes I get broody and want a baby but the the broodiness lifts and i think 'thank god I did not have another baby'. I think a sterilasation would be good as then i cant get pregnent when i get broody and will just have to 'deal with it' (in the same way as post menopausal and infertile women deal with it).

also Im not a very good mother so should have insight and not have more children as its not kind on them. I know of women who have lots of kids and are bad mothers but are not able to 'see' it and keep haveing more and I dont want to be like them. I think people would be very cross with me if I had more children and be very critical.

I think society is very critical about people with AS (and other disabilities) haveing children especially if it means you dont work. I think people would be very critical of me haveing more children when I know they will have an ASD as my other children have an ASD and my bf does and myself. I think its generally thought that people should only have kids if they are working, married and normal/NT and I think they would view me as too unstable to be a good parent.

but most of all Im worried about haveing an operation and worried about it causeing permanent pain or getting infections or not working. I thought others who have had this operation might share their experiences on whether it caused problems or was good.

Last edited by lotusblossom on 29 Oct 2010, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The pill makes me very poorly.

Another point that Ive not made, is that despite my bf prefering children in 5-10 years time I definately dont want kids in that time as my children will be adults by then (they are aged 8 & 12). If Im going to have more children it would be better for me to do it now as that would be more practical. It seems a shame to me to have an end to school runs and laundry and cooking and then to start all over again for another 16-20 years.

however I dont think I should have a baby now as our relationship is not stable enough and for the lots of reasons stated above previously. And my bf said he definately does not want a baby now.

Ive said to him that he could always have children in the future with someone else but that upsets him and makes him cross, however I still think thats a valid option for him and that its better for me to get sterilised.

I also have sensitivities that interfere with medical procedures.

Because our bodies are wired differently, (and it sounds like you are alot like me - I hear in high pitch ranges and have nerves where they don't expect to find them) - this means that the doctors CAN NOT INFORM YOU OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN nor can they alter the procedure to accomodate your differences. Yes if you have nerves where most women don't you may feel those clips forever and chances are nobody will believe you (this has been my experience when reporting sensory differences)

This procedure was designed for an NT just like most NT's don't feel their IUD most NT's never wonder if they have nerves in unexpected places and they can trust the advice of their doctors.

WE CAN'T

because the procedures were not designed for our bodies, after you will just have to live with what ever experamental result you get. Maybe you'll be feeling it forever, maybe it'll work like a charm but because you're different you can't know what you will be getting into.

There is a reversable vasectomy procedure that guys can have done - if he decides he wants children he can have the clips removed and he's back up and running. If he has sensory problems also and doesn't like it he can have them taken out - why can't he get some contraception? It shouldn't be your responsibility alone.

Also I would ask your doughter if she would preffer you had not had her - may make her think about weather being a "good mother" is what she thought it was. Would you have made a better choice if she had never been born?

(((hugs)))

raising kids is HARD. i know, because i have troubles too. it's never ever too late to try to improve things with the daughter you already have. i won't stop trying either (my girl is 16)..

anyways, i understand you wanting to do this, but i wonder if you aredoing it partly because you are suspicious of your boyfriend's intentions? maybe i am reading too much into this, but it seems like you are worried that there will be an 'accident', almost like the choice of of having more kids will be decided by him, without you having very much control. i wonder if this is your way of being certain, when he makes you feel uncertain?

i think i maybe understand you wanting to do the operation. you can always adopt, anyways.

Why are people so negative about my bf? I did not think what i wrote was negative?

In reality he is much more controlled and sensible than me and its more likely that it shall be I who is overwhelmed by horniness and seduces him in to unprotected sex. I think it is just likely that if someone has not very good contraception choice which is leading them to have sex much less often than they would like, then soooner or later they will either have a burst or split condom or think 'sod it' and not use one. The pregnancy rates for condoms are not very good 2-15 % which is only slightly less than with drawl 8-17%
http://2womenshealth.com/13-Contracepti ... -Index.htm
so I think quite likely that one should get pregnent when useing them. In a book I read it said even people with HIV tend to only use condoms 1/3 of the time. So I think its not a viable solution for 25 years of reproductive life I have left.