Perceptions of Aspie Females

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Ok maybe just this is me blowing things out of proportions with my own biases. Why is it that 90% of things written on female autism makes us sound like a bunch of naïve, overly sensitive, innocent girls that can be easily taken advantage of by men, who need to be specially attended to and taken care of and are in high need of female “mentors”, etc? Even by experts that take the time to try to understand us, the perceptions of us is strewn with a bunch of female stereotypes. I mean the book “Aspergers and Girls” is the reason why I did not accept my diagnosis at first. The book made aspie girls sound like idiots.

Heck maybe you guys agree with these perceptions

Last edited by Ai_Ling on 23 Mar 2011, 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

generally put together, sorted people don't need the support of a forum?
i dunno.

Yeah Ai Ling, it's not just you. I kind of just adapted my thinking to try to see myself in these descriptions of Aspie girls as, as you say, overly naïve and vulnerable, because they were better than the prevailing stereotype of someone with Asperger's as a robotic socially clueless guy.

But they still don't fit me. I'm trying to even remember how I saw myself back when I didn't know my eccentricities were attributable to a syndrome that many people have. I saw myself as pretty circumspect in some ways and yeah, naïve in others, but... no more or less than anyone else, just in different ways.

Yeah, I don't know. It's so weird to me that I so easily divide humanity into NT and ASD now. Before I just saw everyone as having their own infinitely unique character. I liked it better that way and I think I'll try to go back to seeing it that way.

Ahhh! I posted twice by mistake. Let me put something worthwhile here then. Uhh... people generally do see me as innocent and naive, for what it's worth, but then I see people as innocent and naive in ways they may not be aware of too, so... yeah.

Honestly Id rather be seen as a robotic socially clueless person as opposed to an overly naive and vulnerble person because the later 1 is belittling. Its puts a childlike characteristic on it while the 1st description doesnt. Depending on the way you look at things aspie guys are technically naive and vulnerble as well however those are not characteristics associated with males.

Yeah, good point, Aspie guys are no less naive and vulnerable than Aspie girls!

I'm really glad you brought this up. I actually did put some book about girls and Asperger's down in disgust for pretty much the reasons you outlined.

Probably because it's true for some and based on their experience they generalized it and wrote it. But hey this was all true for me when I was a child. But people perceive me as innocent and naive. I have no idea why they get that idea. My husband says it's my personality.

I think you do have a point. They seem happy to frame these traits in ways that accommodate female stereotypes while they don't do the same with boys or men with AS when those traits are in contrast of male stereotypes.

I've been dx'd for 12 years now, so I've seen quite a bit of this crap. With boys and men, the emphasis is on their "talents"--what they can contribute as persons with AS. I remember seeing over years dozens of descriptions of AS boys assuring parents that their AS interests could one day lead them to jobs in computers, science or higher education, or assuring them that their AS sons are bright and intelligent. Never saw anything that suggested they needed "mentoring"from other boys or that their "child-like wonder" opened them up to be victimized. With AS girls, the emphasis has been our weakness and vulnerabilities and worse yet it's often made to sound so bad as to imply we need to be sheltered our entire life or never be independent. We're not "persons with AS" like men are--we're cripples or victims or damaged goods. And of course, if you raise a kid like that, don't be surprised if she turns out like that. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But it cheats men as well as women. Boys with AS need help addressing their social deficit, including their naivety and gullibility, rather than a litany f being told how special and OK they are, or they will have trouble getting jobs, being independent or starting lasting relationships. One tour of this site shows that men and boys with AS have REAL problems in those areas. Without he needed intervention,, they become disillusioned and cynical when they find out they aren't socially prepared to make good on those talent, as they haven't had that support. So then, they come to WP and whine about how the world hates them, NTs are all a**holes and women with AS have it so much easier. Heh.

I have seen this with my special ed students too. Parents with sons dx'd with AS will gush about how smart and talented their son is while he's struggling socially and is utterly miserable, and parents with girls dx'd with AS are excessively protective (co-dependent might be a better word) and barely notice their daughter's strengths. In my experience, parents of sons with AS usually resist having their sons placed in a special ed unit, preferring their kid gets mainstreamed and isn't stigmatized for having AS, while with girls, the parents seem more happy, even relieved, if the school wants to put their daughter in a special ed unit. So, stigmatizing boys with AS bad; stigmatizing girls with AS good. /sigh

You made some pretty good points in your statements. It seems that we have tons and tons of posts about aspie girls and how their "different" and how there underdiagnosed so and so. I think identifying and diagnosing aspie girls would be beneficial. How much do you really want to "shelter" your daughter in the end? You should get her the appropriete help she needs but dont shelter her, educate her well about the world shes gonna have to face someday, notice her strengths and help her build on that. This should be done for the boys too. To me theres sexism all over this, putting the emphasis that women are weaker then men.

For me, I go back and forth quite a bit with not knowing whether it would have been beneficial for me to get diagnosed younger. I didnt get diagnosed till I was 18 and my parents didnt accept my diagnosis till I was 19. I went off to college 2000 miles away from home 8 months after my diagnosis. My parents did not "protect" me more then any other kid growing up. Putting me in special ed would have been detrimental to me. By the time my diagnosis was accepted, I was already in college and wouldnt leave college no matter how much hell I was going thru. Going back home = fail to me. Not to say this would work for other aspie girls.

For me, an earlier diagnosis with social skills training and pushing me out of my shell would have been beneficial as a kid. Putting an emphasis on my weakness and vulnerbilities would have been heavily detrimental to my self esteem.