Female friend who might possibly have ASD/Autism

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Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and quite frankly I'm under a difficult dillemma. Now see, as a half aspie I pretty much have the inside scoop on both the NT world and the Autistic world and am more perceptive than more typical lower functioning ASD or Autistic people. I call myself a "half aspie" because while I was diagnosed with it when I was 9, some other doctors said I don't have it and it just gets confused with severe OCD which I do have.

My main issues are overcoming my anxiety, fear and rituals and also learning to control my emotions and learn to be independent. However socially I am pretty much like the average NT person and have no trouble making friends. I can tell if someone is lower functioning than me by observing their social quirks and this is what I've noticed

You see just recently I started college and I made a friend there, she's a girl a little older than me, she's around 24. And at first she was totally normal, however as I got to know her better she is defenitly not socially savvy like typical people in our age group, in fact she is downright like a little kid. Her appearence is defenitely Aspie like and her voice is kind of strange as well. She sometimes makes inappropriate comments in my math class that causes the other students to laugh at her and while she says she has other friends, so far I think I'm the only friend she's got as she mostly spends time with her parents or quirky older people.

She also tends to cry alot when she gets frusturated and tends to state how she's feeling when she does, saying things like "I'm upset." She takes things wayy too literally and is always worried about offending people whenever she gives her opinion, she also talks wayy too much. She has no sense of humor as again she is a very literal person and doesn't understand how teens/young adults operate and she is also pretty slow cognitively as she is still at the same two year college already for almost 5 years!! Oh yeah and she has no interest in normal pop culture and just likes Pixar movies but nothing else. Even on the internet she is way too literal and always says stuff like, "that's your opinion, you don't have to take my suggestions if you don't want to, I hope I haven't offended you."

Now you see when I approached her with these quirks of hers, she just said she was diagnosed as having a learning disability but she was never diagnosed with autism or Aspergers, however I feel she defenitly is one and way worse than me too. The problem is how do I let her know without offending her, and do you think I'm just over analyzing this or does she have all the symptoms of Aspie Autistic people.....

I hope I'm not crazy it's just that I went to middle school and high school in a Autistic Spectrum school and she fits all the criteria and really is alot like the kids there, also again seeing as how I'm both NT and Aspie, I can see through and observe people's social skills much better than someone who is a full Aspie....but again I could be wrong...what does it sound like to you....

Sounds like it to me. If she isn't on the spectrum, she is close enough that labels don't matter. AS, schizoid, PDD-NOS...what gives?

I'm half NT and half AS myself. I'm also half black and half white. And by that, I mean I'm fully white, but I'm tall, have long arms and fingers, a big schlong, I can dance well, play basketball well, have great rhyming skills...and I like...chicken. Grilled chicken though.

Just tell her hat you're an aspie, and you suspect she may be one too.
you're "one of us".

Be upfront that you're aspie too, and dont be condescending to her by implying shes more far gone than you (even if she is). That way its like being invited to an AA meeting by someone in AA, instead of being like a sober person another person a drunk.
That is dont make it sound like an acusation. but make it about bonding with her.
If you know what I mean.

I think the reason she was never diagnosed is the same reason many girls end up getting undiagnosed. It's simply easier to spot in males, mainly because it's typically found in males, but also because the "symptoms" or signs tend to be male oriented, i.e. taking things literally and not understanding social cues. You might not think social cues are male-oriented, but think of the average sitcom male stereotype/caricature and you get the idea. Think of what many women say about their big dumb husbands. Men aren't mind readers. Also, consider that women are judged mainly on looks, and men on actions and personality. If a guy was diagnosed with Crasspergers Syndrome (which is the extreme female brain) people would probably notice that a little better because he isn't being manly enough. So I made it up, sue me.

It's really your call whether or not you want to keep hanging out with her. If you don't feel a bond with her, you're free to take a few or more steps back from the friendship. I'm not clear on how that relates to whether or not she has ASD. Maybe I'm missing something?
It does sound like she has some neurological differences, but I don't feel licensed to comment on the nature of those neurological differences. She *could* be on the spectrum.
To be honest, if you choose to distance yourself from her, it's really not your place to bring up this issue with her. It's up to her to seek diagnosis and support if she determines that she needs it.
If you do decide she's a friend worth keeping, you can give her a book or an article with information on ASDs, and/ or sit down and talk to her about ASDs, then let her come to her own conclusions.
That's the best advice I'm able to offer. I hope it helped a little.

Im older, and just figured this stuff out on my own. I sure wish some kind friend - even if we weren't boosom buddies, which I've had few of - even a casual friend had clued me in by saying the truth directly in language my Aspie brain can comprehend. Such a person would have save me a lot of pain and wasted time and been a true friend even if we stopped hanging out together. At least, that's how it looks from here. And now that I figured it out on my own, I have a strong feeling that some people I know understand and know this about me but have not told me. Too embarressing I guess? How can I know, being the social dimwit that I am. But it makes me mad.'

Ask her if she has it. You can do that without being insulting - say she seems to have difficulty understanding people, for example And tell her you have it too so she doesn't feel singled out

She might have been diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disorder, it is a more frequent diagnosis for women on the spectrum than AS, and it tends to reflect some traits of women on the spectrum more so. Often many women get either a PDD-NOS diagnosis or an NVLD diagnosis (among other things). This may be because many of the doctors were reluctant to give the diagnosis to women even when it is VERY obvious (sexism within the profession). It is also determinant on who was doing the evaluation, Learning Disorders are very easy to catch. To people who do evalutions now the guidance for professionals is if NVLD pops up, it is usually a sign of an underlying autism spectrum disorder, but that wasn't always the case. Basically, it may be a seeing the same thing through a different diagnostic lens. What often happened was they were diagnosing some of symptoms without really having a complete understanding of everything that was going on. Usually diagnosing AS takes months, if not years, diagnosing Learning Disorders is often much quicker for a trained professional doing an evaluation for learning disorders. It is probably something that came about because of the diagnostic rubric that they initially fell under. My gut feeling is she was diagnosed with NVLD from everything you are putting forth. It is very spectrumy, and can range in severity. Question is...does she get lost alot?

I will say in many cases the differences between NVLD, AS, and HFA are very little to somebody who is not a trained diagnostician. Especially on an individual level. While there are people with pure "NVLD" basically they only have problems with spatial relationships and visual aspects, many have autistic traits, same goes for AS, they may have NVLD traits, there is alot of crossover between the two. Some state AS is more severe than NVLD, it's not, they can be equally severe especially on the social problems.